real estate humor: If I had to give ONE piece of advice to all new agents...
- 08/31/14 02:40 AM
Every month baby Realtors come shooting of the real estate womb like a cannon ball. I remember desperately looking for solutions, answers and of course, clients. Over the last ten years I've been lucky enough to find mentors, Activerain (virtual mentor) and a lot of friends in the business who have helped me along the way.
Every now & then a new agent will ask me for advice. The single most important thing I can share is that real estate changes every day. It's a fact.
Here's what an average week can look like...
Monday: Nobody calls you. You … (133 comments)
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real estate humor: 10 REAL ESTATE REQUESTS YOU WON'T BELIEVE...
- 03/18/14 02:05 PM
1. In 2004 a home seller asked if when she sold the home if she could uproot and take with her a 20 foot tall tree that she had planted when she bought the home. It was a wedding gift from her grandfather. In its place she agreed to plant a tree very similar to the one she planned on taking.
2. A few years back a home buyer asked if I would loan him the money for his earnest money. When I told him no, he asked if he could put it on his credit card.
3. In 2006 … (99 comments)
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real estate humor: $150,000 HOME HITS THE MKT WITH GUARANTEED CELL PHONE SVC OR IT'S FREE!!
- 05/08/13 05:00 AM
… (18 comments)
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real estate humor: Marketing Approach For 2013.. A Sad Truth - Video Blog
- 02/15/13 07:03 AM
We're into the full swing of things for 2013. Now is the time your systems should be cranking, pushing out results and giving you the leads and prospects you've been working so hard for. A buddy of mine asked me what my marketing plan was for 2013, so I thought I'd make this video for him.
Here you go, Brad! HaHa
… (23 comments)
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real estate humor: Why The Police Showed Up While I Showed A House Today
- 02/10/13 08:10 AM
I took one of my buyers to view a home today and while doing so encountered an experience that I never would have imagined possible. I still can't put <it> together. How could this happen? The home I showed backs up to a very thick and wooded area. It's not easy to manuver around as you'll see in the video below. Usually when I walk through a backyard I anticipate the possibility of a loose dog, or perhaps a mouthy one next door. There's nothing worse than showing a buyer who is suddenly turned off by a growling dog who is … (99 comments)
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real estate humor: I see.
- 04/25/12 12:05 PM
Today the phone at my office rang. And as usual, I answered it.
"Thank you for calling RE/MAX, may I help you?"
Caller: "Ughhhh, yeah.... how much is this house?"
Me: "What house, where are you?"
Caller: "I'm in my car."
… (20 comments)
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real estate humor: Never, Ever Worry About Your A/C Getting Stolen Again!
- 04/12/12 12:56 AM
Besides this being ugly as hell, you gotta wonder just how this homeowner plans on servicing this outside unit. It's completely welded on all sides.
… (18 comments)
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real estate humor: If Your Business Were A Box Of Cereal, What Kind Would It Be?
- 03/25/12 02:15 AM
I can think of a lot of people whose business could be associated with Fruity Pebbles. I think those of us with attention deficit disorder tendencies would fit right in with this box. Blue! YELLOW! GREEN! ORANGE! What time is it? Who are you? Ouch, my foot hurts? Hey, look IT'S A FISH! How bout those Cubs!?! Burp. Am I supposed to be showing buyer right now? Damn, forgot that lockbox!
Oh look! I just got an offer from that Post Toasties agent! 38 separate pages, each one as a jpeg file! The pages are upside down and backwards! … (81 comments)
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real estate humor: So you just got your real estate license? Can you come here for a second?
- 07/29/11 04:08 AM
Congratulations! You just got licensed! i'm so excited for you! I wanted to personally give you this gift. I know you don't like purple, but this bag is very durable and you'll soon learn to appreciate quality over quantity in this business.
Betty Bookmark opens her purple bag and finds the following:
1. small nails, tacks, washers, screws and heavy dbl sided tape.
2. towing rope
3. hard hat
4. Pancho.
5. Vaseline, aspirin, vodka and smoke.. along with a baseball bat.
6. A 3 pound sledge hammer, regular hammer, screw drivers, measuring tape.
7. jumper cables.
8. 1 roll of don't … (28 comments)
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real estate humor: The Best Ways To Annoy A Listing Agent...
- 03/16/11 03:50 PM
1. Leave feedback on the showing that reads: "Offer coming, best we've seen all month!" Then send no offer, return no calls and ignore inquiries from the LA.
2. While showing, leave your business cards all over the house with your cell phone highlighted in bright yellow...... You're a discount broker.
3. Ask the LA for the last 12 months utilities, copies of the seller disclosure, 1/2 dozen questions about the soil, atmosphere, neighbors, previous floods, the roof...... SEND NO OFFER.
4. Leave this for feedback: "Thanks for letting us show."
5. Send your offer to the listing agent as … (26 comments)
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real estate humor: What Happens When A Realtor Tries To Buy A Home.....?
- 01/18/11 02:37 PM
Betty Bookmark is a Realtor in big city USA and she wants to buy a home. Last year Betty made $76,000.00 in total commissions. Every year Betty gets cute with her CPA and ultimately writes off about $60,000.00 of her income leaving a taxable income of about 16k. After credits, her children and the interest on her home, Betty finds herself getting a check from IRS for about $1,900.00. Basically Betty the Top Producing Baller is considered a broke ass Realtor who actually needs to get a check from Uncle Sam as she's recognized as a poverty stricken member of the … (24 comments)
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real estate humor: Incredible New Communication Device Set To Change The Industry Landscape!
- 01/06/11 12:29 PM
… (25 comments)
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real estate humor: NAR and NARRP Create New Housing For Retired Realty Persons....
- 01/04/11 05:58 PM
Just In...
The National Association of Realty & National Association of Retired Realty Persons has combined resources and efforts to create a first ever housing and care facility. The 27 million dollar project is expected to house more than 11,000 Real Estate personal each and every year for the next 24 years, according to an undisclosed source.
Many Realtors are so broke they are eating out of trash cans and relying on fruit roll-ups for nourishment and caloric intake. The government has decided to take swift action, as many "retired" Realtors are fakers. They "assume' they're retired, but not really. They wonder … (16 comments)
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real estate humor: Why Some Homes Literally Rot On The Market...
- 12/17/10 04:03 AM
Perception is very important.
Here's what buyers NEVER freaking say...
Greg, I'd really love a home that backs up to a Gully, ditch, retention pond, alley, water treatment facility, nuclear power plant, small craft airport, Taco Bell, Dry Cleaners, Rail Road tracks, Freeway, Highway, Busy Road, Jail or shipping yard. "This type of scenery will sooth our soul and make us happy."
And Greg if it's possible I would totally love it if you could find me a home that smells like cigarettes, kitty litter, poo, urine, diapers, Curry, farts or machinery. The scent would totally enrich our … (9 comments)
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real estate humor: Please Don't Act Like Oprah If You Have a 695 Credit Score
- 10/28/10 05:06 AM
I have my own perception about credit scores. Often potential buyers and tenants will say they have "okay or decent credit."
A 300 is the absolute LOWEST credit score you can have while an 850 is the highest. So tell your buddy who brags about having a 990 credit score to have another while he's at it. A "bitch please" can be used if necessary.
When you say "I have okay credit" you should understand that a 640 is about the LOWEST score you can have to still qualify for a home loan. That means a 580 is POOR … (23 comments)
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real estate humor: Buyer Qualifies with a 388 Credit Score With No Money Down - Incredible!
- 10/26/10 05:07 AM
Yesterday I deleted all but one of the 239 spam emails from my inbox. We've all seen the emails that read.. "APPROVED BUYER WITH 400 CREDIT SCORE."
So I decided to call Wynaldo with Wynaldo Back Door Lending. His email read.. "EVERYONE IS APPROVED." Obviously this was gonna be a reallllllly long shot, but what they hey I thought.
Much to my surprise Wynaldo was able to fully approve my buyer, even though he has a 388 credit score. Here's what my buyer ended up with:
1. A 5.73% interest rate, 30 year fixed-rate.
2. Down payment … (13 comments)
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real estate humor: TOP 10 Most Ignorant Comments Through The Showing Service:
- 10/06/10 08:24 AM
I don't know about you, but I dislike stupid feedback through the showing service. Time and time again I have to try and explain to my sellers just what this feedback means.
Here are some actual examples:
1. Thanks for letting me show George, (my name is, Greg). We love the house, but decided to put an offer on something else by the water because we are wondering about owner financing and aren't sure if your seller is in Texas or not. Have a great day.
2. Great house (Gino), but my buyers didn't like it because there was only 3 bedrooms.
3. This … (25 comments)
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real estate humor: You Can't Kill Superman With Cash!
- 09/20/10 07:15 AM
Let's discuss what a cash offer is...
One... cash means you have no loan, it means you can close sooner and it also means you are a safer buyer.
That's usually it.
If you have cash you need to have common sense to go with it.
Cash means you have liquid money in an account that you can write a check against. PERIOD. Here's what it doesn't mean:
1. You have cash in an attic in another country, but you swear you can get to it.
2. As soon as Grandma's will is probated you'll have it, … (19 comments)
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real estate humor: Real Estate Myths
- 09/10/10 10:29 AM
1. Cash is king and with it not only can you get a good deal on the home, but you can also take the sellers soul, retirement and unborn grandchildren too.
2. You can have bad credit, no job, no money and buy a foreclosure for $500.00 all while eating a yellow lobster at Red Lobster.
3. When you represent YOURSELF the listing agent will forfeit his 3% commission to you. He'll also pay off your college loans and mow the lawn of any house you buy for the next 25 years.
4. You can be a savvy and profitable investor by listening … (49 comments)
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real estate humor: To Hell With Quitting Real Estate!! How To Eat For FREE .... Part I.
- 09/08/10 08:30 AM
Are you considering "throwing in the towel" on real estate? STOP and read this blog, it'll change your career, your life and quite possibly your waistline. In today's post we'll discuss how you can EAT FOR FREE.
Save Money & Eat For Free:
Stop buying groceries immediately. Realtors have an abundant source of FREE food all over town.
For Breakfast:
Walk into any local title company with a manila folder in your left hand while talking on your blue tooth. Make absolutely sure you use the phrase "executed contract" like 3 times. Use your right hand and wave it … (36 comments)
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Every month baby Realtors come shooting of the real estate womb like a cannon ball. I remember desperately looking for solutions, answers and of course, clients. Over the last ten years I've been lucky enough to find mentors, Activerain (virtual mentor) and a lot of friends in the business who have helped me along the way. 
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