weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Weird Twitter - 05/06/18 06:56 AM
 
Welcome to another edition of The Grab Bag, an increasingly sporadic compendium of roadside debris from the Information Superhighway, curated to delight and amuse your senses, or to offend and disgust you - whatever. Today, our offerings come from the denizens of Weird Twitter, and you might take note that your voluntary reading of their twisted ravings makes you somewhat complicit.
 
Please enjoy responsibly.
 
__________________________________
 
If I lived under one of those Shakespearean kings, I'd be one of the guys plotting to kill him all the time, because, dude, SHUT UP for like two seconds.
@grimmreality
 
 
ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking, please … (14 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Birthday Weird Twitter - 03/18/18 09:38 AM
I'm overwhelmed with your good wishes this morning (Thanks, Praful, Ron & Alexandra for the Q&A mentions!) and felt that the only proper response would be a Grab Bag post to express my appreciation for everyone's thoughtfulness here, on FB and many e-mails - you have added a lot to an already special day!
 
Luckily, my Twitter account had some bookmarked tweets almost suitable for public consumption. As always, please enjoy responsibly.
 
🙉🙈🙊 🙉🙈🙊 🙉🙈🙊 🙉🙈🙊 🙉🙈🙊
 
If pigs could fly, I’d eat their wings.
@Carbosly
 
In retrospect, "because it tastes like bacon" probably wasn't the best answer to my toddlers question of why the dog … (36 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Weird Twitter Yet Again - 02/25/18 08:41 AM
 
Welcome to the Grab Bag, an occasional compendium of strangeness encountered while hitchhiking the Information Superhighway. Today, we have just barely enough material from Weird Twitter to perhaps make you laugh, or conversely, to unsettle those few of you who might be "normal". Please enjoy responsibly.
 _________________________________________
 
I slept with this guy who works at Netflix, which was pretty cool because afterwards he recommended other guys I may also like sleeping with.
@LeahKnauer
 
My identity got stolen but was found a few days later on an orphanage doorstep with a note that said "Nope.”
@Carbosly
 
In a dog eat dog world, the chocolate lab is the most … (19 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - By Popular Demand - 01/28/18 08:35 AM
Welcome to the latest edition of the Grab Bag, provided today courtesy of your ceaseless nagging and whining.
 
It's quite the feeling to know that your AR legacy isn't all of your thoughtfully incisive industry analysis, the clarity of your commentary on the issues of the day, or the brilliant insights provided by your market reporting. Nope. It's because you repost weirdly subversive and borderline offensive tweets from a really questionnable corner of a disreputable website.
 
Well, guess what - that's a better deal, legacy-wise, than I usually get, so I'll happily take it, and in return, show my appreciation by gifting you … (17 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Phoning It In - 11/26/17 07:45 AM
Welcome to the Special Long Holiday Weekend Edition of the Grab Bag, where we deal with the issue of wasting a bunch of perfectly good blogging days on sloth, gluttony and yes, computer games, and are henceforth caught with nothing to offer other than old tweets pulled from the cobwebbed archives of a past, funnier time.
 
Here's your Weird Twitter, then.
 
Fifth Third Bank? I don't think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank.
@RowdyBowden
 
"Do what you love" -Rich people
@SCbchbum
 
A reality show where celebrities compete and we get to vote them down to only ONE … (17 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Marble Racing!! - 11/05/17 10:11 AM
Welcome to the Grab Bag, our occasional finds from internet dumpster diving. We have a varied and questionable selection for your consideration this week, and might not have posted anything at all except that this first item deserves your immediate attention:
 
Marble Racing
 
Okay, I thought this was one of the stupidest things I've ever seen, and clicked on it just to have something new to mock. But you know what? I got sucked in, and you may too. It is stupid, but apparently it's a thing - there's YouTube channels and fans, crashes just like NASCAR, and I found myself rooting for … (30 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Sorry, Just Some Weird Twitter - 10/22/17 08:50 AM
Welcome to this weekend's edition of The Grab Bag, an inconsistently delivered compendium of questionable content culled from obscure corners of the internet by malignant trolls intent on causing unrest and confusion. This week's attempt to unsettle you comes from the disreputable neighborhood of cyberspace known as Weird Twitter.
 
Please enjoy responsibly:
 
I don't understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What's next, more things?? That's how they get you
     - @KevinFarzad
 
PRO TIP: If you clean the trunk of your car with bleach at weird times in the middle of the night, your neighbors will leave you … (22 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Weird Tweet of the Year - 09/22/17 09:33 AM
I think Weird Twitter must be tiring a bit of the political stuff all the time - there was a pretty good haul of funny tweets last week. And for the very first time, the Grab Bag editorial staff was compelled to recognize one particular tweet with a special award.
 
Here's the Weird Tweet of the Year (so far):
 
When you die, a carny helps you out of your human body, waits to see if you're going to throw up, then asks if you want to go again.
— @HMittelmark
 
 
And here's the rest of them:
 
somethin kinda neat i found out…if you ignore a problem … (24 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Weird Twitter for Kathy - 09/10/17 07:42 AM
 
Like many of you, I'm sitting here worrying about Kathy Streib and all of the others riding out Irma. Right now, there's not much the rest of us can do besides worrying, but I know that, for reasons probably best left unexplained, Kathy is a big fan of the Grab Bag and Weird Twitter. So to help her get through the next few hours - and hoping she still has an internet connection - here's the latest.
 
The rest of you can enjoy these too.
 
If Facebook Was Real
me: cool shirt Brian
Brian: thanks
[hours later, a knock at my door]
me: um yes?
Brian's Mom: I also … (34 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Weird Twitter Is Back! - 08/27/17 08:24 AM
Welcome to the Grab Bag, an occasional compendium of randomness encountered during my attempts to escape from reality by internet immersion. Weird Twitter has been a problematic source of relief in recent times, having been deluged with political humor, a theme with too much mileage variation for a group as mixed as we are. But patience and careful curation eventually provides enough content that, while potentially offensive, at least isn't politically offensive.
 
Please enjoy responsibly.
 
 
[beach]
Me: if a shark stops moving it will die
Wife: for the last time you can't kill a shark with a stop sign
Me: it's the law, Diane
— @fro_vo
 
Interviewer: congrats … (21 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Laugh A Little - 06/11/17 09:10 AM
Here it is Sunday again, and I can't bring myself to inflict yet another market report on the masses yearning for a bit of weekend diversion. Weird Twitter - along with most of the rest of the internet - is still pretty much broken by politics, but I have spared no effort in digging up a few good non-political tweets for your reading pleasure.
 
Please enjoy these responsibly.
 
 
Spaceman: So. This is space. The final frontier.
Double Spaceman: So. This is space. The final frontier.
— @G_Faylor
 
 
REAL ESTATE AGENT: so there are great schools in this neighborhood
ME: checking restaurants in the delivery area on … (21 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Mother's Day Edition - 05/14/17 07:11 AM
Welcome to yet another edition of the Grab Bag, this week featuring Weird Twitter.
 
Full disclosure - there are no Mother's Day tweets below - that was just a cynical and exploitative move to get your eyeballs on here, so if that's really why you clicked on this, you're out of luck. Rather than whine or complain about it, why don't you give your mom a call and tell her how much she means to you - she'll really appreciate it. Or if you're a mom, give yourself a pat on the back - you deserve it.
 
Meanwhile, here's the best we could … (22 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Weird Twitter - 04/02/17 07:36 AM
Welcome to the Grab Bag, an occasional compilation of roadside detritus from the Information SuperHighway©. For your edification today, we have some Weird Twitter, courtesy of those few folks who are still working on the funny stuff instead of politics.
 
Please enjoy this humor responsibly.
 
The little angel on my shoulder was last seen packing his suitcase, muttering "I'm not paid enough to deal with this shit."
— @Carbosly
 
Your trial as a PERSON has expired. Continue as...?
-Dirt
-Classroom skeleton
-Ghost that is mad you redecorated its house
— @shariv67
 
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people … (27 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Weird Twitter, While It Lasts - 03/05/17 09:26 AM
It's getting harder and harder to find appropriate Weird Twitter content for The Grab Bag. All the funny people are trapped in politics and while some of that is pretty funny, I don't have the energy or courage to try to curate a balanced political mix that won't piss everyone off.
 
I may have to take a long sabbatical until humor is restored. Anyhow, here's the best I could come up with for this week:
 
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOU'VE COMPLETED LIFE!
YOU PLAYED AS: white male
CHOOSE ONE:
A) PLAY TUTORIAL AGAIN
B) TRY A HARDER SETTING
@davedittell
 
My refrigerator just walked to my bedroom, opened the door, stood there and … (26 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - President's Day, Art and Weird Twitter - 02/19/17 07:32 AM
Welcome to another edition of the Grab Bag. Today, we have for your edification a bit of history, a brief gallery tour if you don't mind clicking on a few links, and some slim pickings from Weird Twitter, where it's becoming harder each day to find the funny people being funny.
Enjoy!
 
President's Day
 
 
 
Gallery Walk
Here are links to the web galleries of a few artists who are doing some unusual things:
 
Simon Stålenhag - Very strange but compelling visions of a dystopian future.
 
Milos Rajkovic - Bizarre animations
 
Don Kenn - Monster drawings on sticky notes
 
 
Weird Twitter
the internet's slogan could be "if you wanna know something, … (25 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - The Boys Are Back! - 01/08/17 07:28 AM
Weird Twitter hasn't been a very happy place for a couple of months now. It was pretty hard to find anything to laugh about - my funny people were in a snit about the election, and their sense of humor went on strike for the holidays. But I'm pleased to announce that they're getting over it and back to what they do best - cracking me up. Hopefully, some of these tweets will crack you up too.
 
I bet all these sparrows by the Costco snack bar that subsist on dropped chopped hot dog onions would taste delicious
— @AndyRichter
 
Amazon thinks my recent … (26 comments)

weird twitter: Happy New Year from the Grab Bag - 01/01/17 08:51 AM
The editors and staff of the Grab Bag extend to you our best wishes for a happy and prosperous 2017, as well as our hope that the coming year will provide us with plentiful opportunities for laughter and mirth. For an early start on that, here's a sprinkling of Weird Twitter:
 
"That tufted headboard is from West Elm." - women watching porn
— @rachelichtman
 
How To Win at Paleontology: Shock the scientific community with your discovery that dinosaurs may have been skeletons.
— @HowToWinBook
 
On the operating table, seconds before you lose consciousness, you glance over at the doctor and notice he's using Bing.
— @kibblesmith
 
My wife … (22 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Sunday Funnies and Weird Twitter - 12/04/16 08:47 AM
The Grab Bag once had aspirations of being a regular weekly post. However, the recent disappearance of humor from the internet has made that unlikely. It's mostly all politics 24-7 now, and very little of that is truly funny. And in any event, Grab Bag editorial policy prohibits political content unless a) it oh so subtly suggests a point of view that we agree with, and b) we can publish it without pissing anyone off.
 
We're still going to be digging around for interesting and funny content to share, but until further notice, the Grab Bag will be an occasional affront to … (27 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Slim Pickins - 11/20/16 12:59 AM
The internet is a less happy place these days - most of my funny people aren't in a mood to make jokes right now, and almost everything is politics. Perhaps understandable, but that's not the Grab Bag's thing, so we had to dig deep for this week's compilation of useless but mildly entertaining nonsense, and we even found something that might be useful to you - we'll get that out of the way first:

The New York Public Library Digital Collections
We're always on the lookout for good free images to use in our blogs, so it's great news that the New York … (17 comments)

weird twitter: The Grab Bag - Jigsaw, Life Hacks, Sunday Funnies, and Weird Twitter - 10/30/16 01:07 AM
Welcome to the Grab Bag, an assortment of delights curated from an internet spiraling rapidly out of control. We have a full plate this week - a sure sign I've been wasting way too much time doing anything except work - so let's just get on with it, shall we?
Please enjoy responsibly.
 
Working with Jigsaw
This is a good way to start off - Chris Capel would like to introduce you to his latest creation, Jigsaw, your nightmare office mate. And if you like this, here's a link to Living with Jigsaw.
 
 
Crumbs
Have you ever wished there was an easy solution to crumbs from … (28 comments)

 
Dick Greenberg, Northern Colorado Residential Real Estate (New Paradigm Partners LLC)

Dick Greenberg

Northern Colorado Residential Real Estate

Fort Collins, CO

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