You hide in the privacy of your own mind hoping things will improve that you'll figure it out, come up with the solution.
There's something about having the answer, having it all together, or being "right". But inevitably, swimming in your own thoughts and without new information or new perspectives, you get lost.
Perhaps your pride gets in the way of reaching out for assistance. There are thought processes that, if left unattended, will "should you" to death - you should know, you should have figured it out, and you certainly should not have to ask someone else for assistance.
Then there is your fear - fear of what others will think of you, fear of being vulnerable, fear of being wrong, fear of being stuck and unable to find a solution...
It's frustrating, disappointing, and aggravating when you come to the realization that in this situation you don't know which way to turn, and that your regular method of operating isn't working; you don't know how to achieve a positive result.
Sometimes, you do have the answer but you just cannot access it through all of the other thoughts in
your mind. You're not clear. I call this "mind muck." The muck gets in your way from seeing the right path and you would benefit greatly from someone who can elicit from you your own best thinking. Coaches are trained in the art of asking questions to do just that. People want to help but often don't know how to provide the best support. Often people around you - such as friends, colleagues, even your spouse - in an attempt at being helpful, will tell you what you should do, tell you what they would do, or take the problem on themselves to come up with a solution.
This is not helpful. Most of us want to solve our own problems. In fact, this is the only way we develop, grow, and evolve as individuals. It's how we improve ourselves, mature, and get wise.
Sometimes we need new thoughts, ideas, perspectives, information. We need to be taught new skills or approaches.
Are you open to alternatives or do you tend to be closed-minded? This is a barrier for those who are very attached to their thoughts and to being right. This can show up as an inability to listen to the ideas of others, being very judgmental, and finding fault with or pushing back on anything that differs from your view. If this is you, then it presents as an obstacle to possibility thinking, productivity, and, no doubt, impacts your relationships.
If you feel you have to do it yourself or that you are "less than" if you ask for help, then your self-esteem may be tied to your ideas. There are ingrained thought processes creating a wall of resistance that is sabotaging your success and keeping you distant from others. If you cannot be wrong, how likely is it that you would be willing to ask someone for assistance? This fear can be overwhelming! These thoughts are not serving you.
We are not supposed to know it all or figure it all out by ourselves. There is tremendous value in hearing other people's perspectives. We are social beings and we need each other to learn from and to teach and to collaborate. We are at our best when we can live in our own genius, teach others from our expertise, and learn from theirs.
So don't be afraid to ask for the assistance you need. You may have the answer but are simply lost in the abyss of your own thoughts and need someone to guide you safely to shore or you may need some new thoughts or knowledge. Either way, if you leave yourself with only your own thoughts, you could be sabotaging your own happiness and success.
Think good thoughts!
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie
Comments(7)