How Hard Is It For You To Ask For Help?

Services for Real Estate Pros with Nurturing Your Success

ThoughtsYou hide in the privacy of your own mind hoping things will improve that you'll figure it out, come up with the solution.

There's something about having the answer, having it all together, or being "right". But inevitably, swimming in your own thoughts and without new information or new perspectives, you get lost.

Perhaps your pride gets in the way of reaching out for assistance. There are thought processes that, if left unattended, will "should you" to death - you should know, you should have figured it out, and you certainly should not have to ask someone else for assistance.

Then there is your fear - fear of what others will think of you, fear of being vulnerable, fear of being wrong, fear of being stuck and unable to find a solution...

It's frustrating, disappointing, and aggravating when you come to the realization that in this situation you don't know which way to turn, and that your regular method of operating isn't working; you don't know how to achieve a positive result.

Sometimes, you do have the answer but you just cannot access it through all of the other thoughts inCrazed your mind. You're not clear. I call this "mind muck." The muck gets in your way from seeing the right path and you would benefit greatly from someone who can elicit from you your own best thinking. Coaches are trained in the art of asking questions to do just that. People want to help but often don't know how to provide the best support. Often people around you - such as friends, colleagues, even your spouse - in an attempt at being helpful, will tell you what you should do, tell you what they would do, or take the problem on themselves to come up with a solution.

This is not helpful. Most of us want to solve our own problems. In fact, this is the only way we develop, grow, and evolve as individuals. It's how we improve ourselves, mature, and get wise.

Sometimes we need new thoughts, ideas, perspectives, information. We need to be taught new skills or approaches.

Are you open to alternatives or do you tend to be closed-minded? This is a barrier for those who are very attached to their thoughts and to being right. This can show up as an inability to listen to the ideas of others, being very judgmental, and finding fault with or pushing back on anything that differs from your view. If this is you, then it presents as an obstacle to possibility thinking, productivity, and, no doubt, impacts your relationships.

If you feel you have to do it yourself or that you are "less than" if you ask for help, then your self-esteem may be tied to your ideas. There are ingrained thought processes creating a wall of resistance that is sabotaging your success and keeping you distant from others. If you cannot be wrong, how likely is it that you would be willing to ask someone for assistance? This fear can be overwhelming! These thoughts are not serving you.

We are not supposed to know it all or figure it all out by ourselves. There is tremendous value in hearing other people's perspectives. We are social beings and we need each other to learn from and to teach and to collaborate. We are at our best when we can live in our own genius, teach others from our expertise, and learn from theirs.

Help So don't be afraid to ask for the assistance you need. You may have the answer but are simply lost in the abyss of your own thoughts and need someone to guide you safely to shore or you may need some new thoughts or knowledge. Either way, if you leave yourself with only your own thoughts, you could be sabotaging your own happiness and success.

Think good thoughts!

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie

Comments (7)

Lori Davis
Collins Real Estate & Property Management Grants Pass 541-218-1745 - Grants Pass, OR
Finding pets and their owners loving homes...

Yep..I ask for help nearly everyday, and I've been a Realtor for twenty plus years. Thank GOD for everyone that helps us along the way, and for any help we may be able to offer.....literally, we are all in this together. Thanks for the great post!


Apr 09, 2009 11:50 AM
Justin Ukaoma
Vizion KC - Kansas City, MO
Kansas City Real Estate Investments

Great post Julie.  I'm one of those people that prefers to figure things out on my own.  Asking for help can be difficult at times.

Apr 09, 2009 01:49 PM
Lou Ludwig
Ludwig & Associates - Boca Raton, FL
Designations Earned CRB, CRS, CIPS, GRI, SRES, TRC

Hi Julie

Outstanding post, we have to learn to ask and seek out information.

Good Luck and success

Lou Ludwig

Apr 09, 2009 01:50 PM
Carlos Silva
Las Vegas, NV

I too have a tendency to be reluctant about asking for help.  One of the attributes that top agents have is their willingness to ask for help and learn from others.

Apr 10, 2009 08:07 AM
Lyn Sims
Schaumburg, IL
Schaumburg Real Estate Agent Retired

This was a great post where are all the comments?  Anyway, thanks DR. Julieyou hit things right on the head - mine.  I do have trouble asking for help sometimes on certain things (techno) but what if you are the only person working/evolving in your field (like blogging).  Frustrating asking help from dopes that barely know what a computer is.  But that aside I know what you mean.  I had a coach for a few years and it was one of the most valuable things I have ever done in my career.  Scary at times and very very hard too.  But I came out of it with a better perspective of myself and my business.  I recommend it for everyone.  Only the hard heads think that's it's no necessary!

Apr 11, 2009 05:03 AM
Julie Fuimano, Personal Development Expert & Success Coach

Thanks for your comments. Lyn, something you said is interesting - you mentioned about asking for help when others around you don't have a knowledge base either. I think that's what you meant, anyway. This is when - as a leader - you seek out the knowledge you need from other sources outside of your field such as hiring an expert. For instance, I, too, am not a techy person so I have a wonderful blogging coach and trainer, Scott Saghirian who happens to be a realtor as well. I am a writer; not techy and, because I know this about myself, if i want to be successful at something new, I must seek help. We can't be good at everything! We need to know what we are good at and we NEED to be able to learn from each other. Look up Scott - he is amazing. :)

Apr 14, 2009 07:27 AM
Debra V. Edwards
edwards builders and realty, inc. - Cashiers, NC
Realtor/Builder, Cashiers, NC., Highlands, NC., Glenville

What about the ones of us that don't even know what questions to ask?  The techno world is moving so rapidly that it is hard to even keep up.  What is tweaking?  How do you bookmark?  What is an 'outside blog?  How do you copy a portion of a post without copying all the comments also? The list goes on...I would like to start back with step #1 and go from there...thanks for the understanding...debra

Apr 28, 2009 05:25 AM