Education & Training with Paul Gruber

I'm working with writer's block! I've been typing away for two hours, erasing what I typed, starting's all variations on a theme: love. So here go my random ramblings on love...

We people mess up love all the time. We seem to think that love is this quid pro quo exchange. I see people keeping score in love all the time, and I wonder how on earth they live that way. I used to think love was some sort of pledge, like when someone said they loved me it meant they would never hurt me or lie or do anything that would upset me. How naïve was I? What I've finally realized is that was a major mechanism of control. When I heard someone say, "I love you," I thought it meant that they would take care of me, my feelings, my heart, and then I could get mad if they ever let me down (which, invariably, they did). That didn't work. After a series of relationships (I can't say that they failed because I learned), I've finally come to realize that many people out there use love as a mechanism of control.

Enter life's teachers...heartbreak, deceit, and anger. Ah! The three-headed dragon rears its ugly head. And I am so grateful that it did. I love that dragon. I learned a lot.

You know how an experience just seems to repeat itself over and over again? That's the universe calling with a message. So I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time (and did some hard work), and now I see that love is simply a way for me to say, "I accept you. I support your path. I am here for you. Enjoy your journey. Thanks for letting me be part of it."

Loving someone doesn't mean I have to agree with everything they say and do; it simply means I allow the other person to be who they are and delight in knowing them. It means I'm interested in who they are, where they're going, and who they become. Love is about them, not about me.

I finally get what it means to love someone and yet not be attached to them. You know what's funny? The dictionary actually mentions love as a romantic or sexual attachment to someone. Yeow! You'd might as well say, "I attach to you" rather than "I love you" if that's how you mean it. For a long time I didn't understand how you could love someone and not be attached to them. I thought love always came with strings, with obligations. That is simply laughable. Over the last few years I've learned that love doesn't have strings, obligations, requirements, or anything of the sort. Love has hope, patience, kindness, perseverance, forgiveness... It's an action and a choice. It is a constant and consistent focus on openness, truth, the highest good, respect, honoring one another, friendship, and unification. Love is about bringing people together, and sometimes to do that you've got to let go.

Our egos tell us all the time what to say and do, how to love, how someone "should" love us...and it's all nonsense. It's as if there's a battle between the head (ego) and the heart, and most of the time the ego's winning. Love means setting aside that ego and choosing the action with the best effect for the most people involved. The ego acts out of fear; the heart acts out of love. That's why people always say to follow your heart. Your heart doesn't want to control; it wants to create and express itself. One of the ways it does that is by giving love to others.

Enjoy your feels pretty good to live from that place.

Jaime Shearer


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Laurie Mindnich
Centennial, CO

Overthinking things can really wreak havoc- find someone with a keep it simple, stupid, attitude to balance your own depth...

May 21, 2007 11:36 PM #1
Becky Troutt
No longer practicing real estate as of 2008. - Bradenton, FL

Great post!  Love can be an amazing thing if you're willing to follow your heart.

May 22, 2007 04:14 AM #2
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