OK, I know that every so often I begin a post with, "Now I've heard everything," or "You can't make this s__t up", but this may be the topper.
I was perusing the want ads in the Sunday paper this morning because my son's home from college for the summer and needs work.
I came across an ad that almost caused me to knock over my coffe cup.
It reads:
NOVENA PRAYERS ARE OFFERED TO YOU FOR PUBLICATION.
A PRAYER TO ST. JUDE- $51.15
A PRAYER TO ST. JOSEPH- $67.95
MIRACULOUS INVOCATION TO ST. THERESA- $87.45
PRAYER TO THE BLESSED VIRGIN-$57.75
YOU MAY ALSO CHOOSE TO ADD YOUR VERY OWN PETITION FOR ONLY $1.65 PER LINE.
underneath these choices is a cross, I'm surprised its not a dollar sign.
So, I'm thinking, well, if this doesn't beat all. Dind't Martin Luther rail against the absurdity and hypocrisy of 'buying your way' into heaven centuries ago? I guess the little prayer I mumble in the morning never gets heard because its not 'paid for'? Here I am naively praying into the stratosphere while I should have realized that if you want to get word out to your favorite saint he's more likely to see it in the want ads!
And, anyway, who ranks these saints, the BCS? What did St. Jude do (or not do) to to warrant being low man on the totem pole? And who arrives at the cost? How do you come up with $51.15? What happens if you can't come up with the other 15 cents? Does St. Jude lay you off to the next lowest saint? Some mid-level guy twho can't break into the Top 10?
Hey, for that matter, how is St. Theresa $30 more than the Blessed Virgin? A marvelous, selfless woman, and a true saint, by all accounts, but, thirty dollars more than Mary, the Immaculate Mother of the Son of God? I guess its the 'What have you done for me lately' system. Mother Theresa recently passed, while Mary, although she has an impressive resume, hasn't really done much for 2,000 years or so. But, then, how do you explain Joseph also costing more than Mary? Here's a guy who just seems to have been in the right place at the right time. I'm sure he was a good man, went to work every day, except when it rained, but, come on, he wasn't even needed, due to the Immaculate Conception thing!
I don't mean to offend anyone here, I apologize if I do. But if you're offended, you should REALLY be offended that such a posting would even appear in a newspaper. I wonder how many little old ladies are hosed by such ads. Its a disgrace.
By the way, how much do you think I should pay to increase my chances of winning the lottery? I re-read the ad but didn't see any discount for a package deal to appeal to the whole gang.
I think I'll go ahead and choose my own petition for $1.65 a line. And it will read, " Dear St. _______, please answer my prayer that anyone who profits by this ad burns in hell."
Happy Sunday, Everyone
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