True Understanding Is Just Letting Others Be

Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams Realty 0575737

Have you ever started to write a blog post one way at the beginning and as you formulated it in your mind it came out another way? Just must be one of those days for me I guess. So often I do try to have a real estate focus on a blog position but often it turns into something about human interaction, behavior, lessons learned, or about life in general. I had wanted to talk about making sure we have clear communication between people in all our dealings with them. For REALTOR and buyer and seller. Essentially avoiding "misunderstandings." Oh well, the best laid plans. This one took a detour. A life observation that has a different take on it all...

HandstandI have always liked the following quotation,

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.[Oscar Wilde]

It just seems to make sense. Women are naturally more complex than men. They have different hormones biologically speaking. They produce babies, something men can't relate to at all.

Sure there are the stereotypes of them changing their minds, being full of emotion, crying often, nervously laughing over things men would not even have any emotion over.

This is not a discussion about the battle of the sexes or the differences between men and women. Yes we all would agree that men are probably more simple than women. Why, I don't know. It is just the way we are built.

But women are a great example for all of us in life  in trying to come to getting a handle on "understanding people." All people. It is not an easy thing to do. Should we try? Well I would say to a "certain extent." But the reason I think that Oscar Wilde quote other than be humorous is so spot on, is the focus needs to be on the love of the person. The acceptance of them. Not putting all our energy into having to know how they tick so completely.

Children Painting

 The discovery for us all is that

True Understanding Is Just Letting Others Be.

The state of being is where we are all at. Face it, they are not you, and don't expect to truly ever figure them out.

Just let them BE.

They are perfectly OK just as they are. When you come to that realization, then you have reached TRUE UNDERSTANDING.


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Liz Moras Migic
Chilliwack, BC
Chilliwack, British Columbia - Realtor

Just read the comments - I'm not sure if its even wanting to change them - but wanting to understand them.........and does it even matter?.......BTW love the photos as always - just watching that girl handstanding their made my heart palpitate......watching the kids made me nostalgic :-)

May 09, 2009 04:53 AM #5
JL Boney, III
Coldwell Banker - Columbia, SC
Columbia, SC Real Estate

I think one of the best gifts that we can give in this life is acceptance. Leave people alone and allow them to be who they are. We are not here to change them, just to live along with them.

May 09, 2009 05:21 AM #6
JL Boney, III
Coldwell Banker - Columbia, SC
Columbia, SC Real Estate

Bgpic11142008103101_lFeatured in M.A.N.C.R.O.W! CONGRATS!

May 09, 2009 05:22 AM #7
Sharon Lee
Sharon Lee's Virtual Assistance - Jonesborough, TN
Retired and loving life

Gary-What will be will be, as they say. You can't change people unless they want to change themselves and then they have to make that change simply for themselves not because another person has an expectation of them that is different than what the other person expected of them, whether they are the simple happy go lucky person or the serious minded person that has much to offer but just sees life much differently, but enjoys life and can have as much fun in life as the happy go lucky person can even if they don't do so in the same way. Women and men are different to begin with but emotions also play a role in so many decisions in a womans life vs a man's. Just the way we are wired.  Very good deep thinking post my armchair psychologist friend. <SMILE>

May 09, 2009 05:26 AM #8
Lou Ludwig
Ludwig & Associates - Boca Raton, FL
Designations Earned CRB, CRS, CIPS, GRI, SRES, TRC

Hi Gary

There are times that call for letting go, and then to open new doors.

Good luck and success.

Lou Ludwig

May 09, 2009 05:27 AM #9
Irene Kennedy Realtor® in Northwestern NJ
Weichert - Lopatcong, NJ


Excellent call to action - and inaction!

May 09, 2009 05:38 AM #10
Gary Woltal
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth

Sally: I like how the whole Mom - Daughter thing worked out for you.

Wanda: Great Beatles tune Let It Be.

Tony: I like what you said about looking for shared qualities.

Liz: Free up some energy in the over analysis. A little fine. But let people be themselves. Hope your after hours office get together went well.

JL: I like that leave people alone thought. Thanks for the group feature.

Sharon: Thanks for your in depth thoughts. We all (people) are so different. The with men and women it can be like that Mars and Venus thing.

Lou: Letting go can be VERY freeing.

Irene: I like that call to inaction. Very good!

May 09, 2009 05:45 AM #11
Hannah Williams
Re/Max Eastern inc. - Philadelphia, PA
Expertise NE Philadelphia & Bucks 215-953-8818

GARY.....It is called itweetndividualism....Like it or not thats what makes the world go around..Thank you

HelpfulHannah your friend in Philadelphia

May 09, 2009 06:55 AM #12
Russell Lewis
Realty Austin, Austin Texas Real Estate - Austin, TX

Of course I also thought of The Beatles but, letting it be is so much of a leap when it comes to truly understanding! Thanks and have a great weekend!

May 09, 2009 08:50 AM #13
Toula Rosebrock
Diane Turton, Realtors, Forked River, NJ - Lacey Township, NJ
Broker/Sales Associate, Realtor, Lacey Township,


Hi Gary:

We all need to accept people for what they are...

We can't change them or figure them out...

Acceptance is so much easier and less stressful.

May 09, 2009 10:03 AM #14
Dorie Dillard CRS GRI ABR
Coldwell Banker United Realtors® ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
Serving Buyers & Sellers in NW Austin Real Estate

Hi Gary,

You are so right! Let them be..and as Toula says acceptance is so much easier and way less stressful!

May 09, 2009 10:14 AM #15
Eric Bouler
Gardner Realtors, Licensed in La. - New Orleans, LA
Listening to your Needs

You are correct. On a side note.

I always get a kick out of people from Texas because they all think everyone wants to be like them.  In Louisiana you just want to be who we are so enjoy us because we are different.

May 09, 2009 12:10 PM #16
Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

Gary, What a wonderful post.  I don't need to completely understand someone, I only need to accept people the way they are--and love them "anyway."  My definition of love :)  It is wonderful to have people love you for exactly who and what you are and to reciprocate.

May 09, 2009 02:13 PM #17
Myrl Jeffcoat
GreatWest Realty - Sacramento, CA
Greater Sacramento Real Estate Agent

Gary - What a wonderful post as usual.  Here's what I've learned about the wonderful gift of letting people just be.  In the process of giving up control while trying to influence them, you also set yourself free.  The gift comes to you both through the process of celebrating differences.

May 09, 2009 03:03 PM #18
Bob Dunn
Sutton Group West Coast Realty - Abbotsford, BC

Gary thanks for sharing your sensitivity about our relationship with women. It goes against common culture, particularly sit-com culture, but there are more of us men who do understand what women want than those who do not.

May 09, 2009 03:57 PM #19
Bob Dunn
Sutton Group West Coast Realty - Abbotsford, BC

Gary in my experience the trouble with trying to figure out those we love is that we develop expectations of how they are to be and how they are to love us. Then one day we discover that our love is based on false expectation.

We should love in a state of expectancy but without expectations.

May 09, 2009 04:06 PM #20
Elizabeth Weintraub Sacramento Realtor Top 1%
RE/MAX Gold - Sacramento, CA
Put 40 years of experience to work for you

I think the meaning of true love and happiness is to be accepted 100% for who you are, flaws and all, by those around you who wouldn't try to change a thing about you.

sacramento agent

May 10, 2009 02:26 AM #21
Sandy Shores FL Realtor®, Melbourne Real Estate
M & M Realty of Brevard Inc. - Melbourne, FL
Brevard County Real Estate, Florida's Space Coast

Gary, It is important for all of us to learn to accept others for who they are and learn to appreciate other's diversity. All of our differences makes the world go around.

May 10, 2009 08:07 AM #22
Lori Churchill Cofer
Beasley Realty - Pullman, WA
Realtor - 509-330-0086 - Pullman, WA

Gary: That to me is what makes relationships with others such a good thing.  I, for one, am glad we are all different.  It is what makes each of us unique!  It is always kind of sad to see someone who fails to attempt to understand others...I think they are the ones that lose out in the end...too narrow in their they just don't grow and take on the nuances that provide fragrance in life.

May 11, 2009 02:06 PM #23
Sally Dunbar
Lyon Real Estate, Fair Oaks CA (Sacramento Area) - Fair Oaks, CA
Fair Oaks Realtor - Fair Oaks Homes for Sale

Gary - How did I miss this post?  I love this.  When I married my husband, I m ade a decision that despite our differences, I would always accept him for exactly what he is.  past girlfriends?... they helped make him who is is.  Different ideas about how to spend his time?... those are the reflection of his thinking and values, so for me, a window into who he is.  I chose to take him exactly as he is.

I haven't tried to change anything about him, in 30 years of marriage.  and I think that's the key to our longevity.  Is he perfect?  No. Neither am I.  But I take him, warts and all exactly as he is.

May 13, 2009 08:12 AM #24
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Gary Woltal

Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth
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