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Faster than a speeding... er.... um.... bullet?

By
Real Estate Agent with Jameson Sotheby's International Realty

Another in my series intended to bring humour to the active rain community.

Jokes that are, above all, clean (just in case you want to relate them to a client)

Easy to remember, (recognizing that our Realtor demographic is aging... just a tiny bit... and memory is the second thing to go... I don't remember what the first thing is).

And they need to be funny... so many of the jokes we hear are NOT funny..

Here we go... this one's a bit longer:

 

Jennifer a manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes she found four people who were equally qualified.

Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?'

The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT'. It just pops into your head. There's no warning.

That's very good!' replied Jennifer. 'And, now you sir?', she asked the second
man.

'Hmmm...let me see 'A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.'

'Excellent!' said Jennifer. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed.'  She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

'Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. 'Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of'.

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. 'It 's hard to beat the speed of light,' she said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, 'After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.'

'WHAT!?' said Jennifer, stunned by the response.

'Oh sure', said BUBBA. 'You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already soiled my pants.'

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!

You probably will think of this every time you enter a Wal-Mart from now on!

 

rimshot


I know you're out there... I can hear you breathing!

 

ALAN MAY, Realtor®
Specializing in Evanston Real Estate and North Shore Real Estate
-------------------------------
Coldwell Banker Residential Real Estate, 2929 Central Street, Evanston, IL 60201
847.425.3779      Cell: 847.924.3313      Email: Almay@aol.com

Posted by

 ALAN MAY, Realtor®   
Specializing in Evanston Real Estate and North Shore Real Estate

Jameson Sotheby's International Realty, 2934 Central Street, Evanston, IL 60201
Office: 847.869.7300      Cell: 847.924.3313      Email: Almay@aol.com

Evanston Real Estate & North Shore Real Estate
Licensed in Illinois

   

Comments (19)

Robert Rauf
CMG Home Loans - Toms River, NJ

I will never look at a walmart greeter the same way again Alan!  thanks for the funny

Jun 19, 2009 04:48 AM
Sandra White
John L Scott Real Estate - Port Townsend, WA
Experienced Residential Resale Broker

Well, I hope not.  But it was funny.  Good way to start the day, with a chuckle. 

Jun 19, 2009 04:48 AM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

Everyone could use a Bubba in their life.

I don't know where you get these Alan, but I do like them.

Jun 19, 2009 04:50 AM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
Home is where the hearth is.

That was the plan, Robert

Sandra - I hope not too, but I have a bad feeling about this

Jason - everyone has a bubba in their life, whether they know it or not.  I don't find these jokes, Jason... it's a calling.. they find me.

Jun 19, 2009 04:56 AM
Pat Champion
John Roberts Realty - Eustis, FL
Call the "CHAMPION" for all your real estate needs

How funny thanks for sharing.

Jun 19, 2009 04:58 AM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
Home is where the hearth is.

you're welcome pat.. .thanks for stopping by.

Jun 19, 2009 05:00 AM
James Quarello
JRV Home Inspection Services, LLC - Wallingford, CT
Connecticut Home Inspector

Having just been to Wal-Mart a few hours ago, the greeter was a middle aged woman. Where's Bubba?

Jun 19, 2009 05:32 AM
Richard Weisser
Richard Weisser Realty - Newnan, GA
Richard Weisser Retired Real Estate Professional

Alan

Thanks for the laugh!

Jun 19, 2009 05:45 AM
Michelle Gibson
Hansen Real Estate Group Inc. - Wellington, FL
REALTOR

Thank You for sharing.  I think everyone needs a good laugh at least once a day.

Jun 19, 2009 05:48 AM
Sheldon Neal
Bergen County, NJ - RE/MAX Real Estate Limited - Maywood, NJ
That British Agent Bergen County NJ

...funny, I was going to call my latest child Bubba.....we decided not too in the end though ...

 

 

 

lol

Jun 19, 2009 05:54 AM
Cheryl Powell - The Powell Team
Southern Homes of The Carolinas - The Powell Team - Harrisburg, NC
Concord,Harrisburg & Charlotte NC Area Real Estate

Q: What should a Wal-Mart greeter with an incontinence problem do?

A: Depends.

Jun 19, 2009 06:30 AM
Rebecca Gaujot, Realtor®
Lewisburg, WV
Lewisburg WV, the go to agent for all real estate

I received this in an email the other day, and was going to post on it..you did an excellent job.  This was absolutely sooo funny.

Jun 19, 2009 06:43 AM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
Home is where the hearth is.

James - she IS Bubba!!

Richard - no extra charge... we, here on Alan's Blog, throw in a free laugh or three, whenever we can.

Michelle - and I'm sorry you couldn't find one here... keep searching, they're out there.

Sheldon - Bubba Neal... I like it!

Cheryl - that was a bad, bad joke ... (worth of ME!)  Thanx

thanks Rebecca - we aims to please.

Jun 19, 2009 07:14 AM
Lyn Sims
Schaumburg, IL
Real Estate Broker Retired

Bubba means brain dead in sum languige LOL!  Just wanted to warn all those with a sense of humor here at AR.  Be sure to check the box so you don't get points for jokes AND be sure to add a copyright disclaimer.  I didn't and got WACKED 5000 points.  Pretty hefty.  Did you know someone copyrights jokes now?

 

Jun 19, 2009 07:26 AM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
Home is where the hearth is.

Lyn - thanks... I was NOT aware of that... of course ALL of the jokes that I've provided to the AR community thus far were written and composed by yours truly... (winky, winky!!)

Jun 19, 2009 07:47 AM
Lyn Sims
Schaumburg, IL
Real Estate Broker Retired

Winky, winky won't obviously save your points by the mystery slasher!

Jun 19, 2009 12:56 PM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
Home is where the hearth is.

true that...

Jun 19, 2009 03:08 PM
TeamCHI - Complete Home Inspections, Inc.
Complete Home Inspections, Inc. - Brentwood, TN
Home Inspectons - Nashville, TN area - 615.661.029

Leave it to 'Ol Bubba to come up with some country wisdom that'll win the contest every time...

Your building consultant for life in Nashville, TN 

Jun 20, 2009 09:28 PM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
Home is where the hearth is.

yep... bubba rocks with old country wisdom.... (but light a match when you enter his house)

Jun 21, 2009 01:43 AM