This happened several years ago... it was a normal day.
I had a full day of showings scheduled with some First Time Buyers.
We hopped in the car & headed out to a suburb of Madison.
First house was a lovely bi-level with a nicely manicured yard.
As usual, I opened the door using the key box - rang the bell once for good measure and in we went. It was summer - all of the windows shades were shut likely to try to conserve energy - at any rate the house is dimly lit.
We view the kitchen, walk out & check the deck, yard then to the living room. So far this house has potential! The clients start thinking about how to arrange their furniture in the living room while I head to the bedrooms to open them up and get lights on.
I head down a long hallway toward the bedrooms - I notice that all 3 bedroom doors are shut... this is never good.
I knock on door one - no answer - I walk in turn on the lights & open the blinds.
Next, door two - I knock - no answer - I walk in turn on the room lamp & open the blinds.
On to door three -- I knock - no answer - I open the door and walk in & flip on the lights without really looking in the room. I head to open the blinds - then out of the corner of my eye what do I see... a big, hairy man butt straight ahead of me.
Ahhh... I realize there is a very large naked man sleeping on his stomach in this room. My fight or flight reflex kicks in & I run like the wind to get the heck out of that room.
Ok, deep breath... back to the living room. I inform the clients that someone is sleeping in one of the bedrooms so we should skip viewing that room. The clients really, really like the house & want to see the whole house so they have a full picture so they can feel comfortable writing an offer.
I let them know that they will get a full picture that will be scared into their brains of a big, hairy man butt.
Undeterred, they head to the bedrooms. They check out the first two bedrooms and of course they are perfect.
On to door three... I decide I need to wake this man up. So I start pounding on the bedroom door - bang, bang, bang! I shut my eyes open the door & let the clients in - they quick scan the room & we head back to the living room.
At this point, these first time buyer's eyeballs looked like they were going to pop out of their heads. Just as I'm thinking it was time to head out Ms. Buyer says, "Don't you think you should go make sure that man is ok? If he didn't hear you knock - he could be dead."
Oh crap. If anybody knows me - they know I could never go in to the medical field as I do not like blood or dead things. Now, I'm supposed to check on big, hairy butt man to see if he is dead.
How to do this without touching this man? I go to the door & try some more banging - he doesn't wake up. I flash the lights on & off - he doesn't wake up. So I decide to grab a large basket of dog toys to gently throw at the big, hairy butt man.
First toss is a rib squeaky toy... bombs away. He doesn't wake up. Next shot is a chew toy - he still doesn't wake up. I decide to try one last tennis ball before I go in & shake big, hairy butt man. I wind up & toss the tennis ball - direct hit! Big, hairy, butt man starts to move & grunt. Yea! He is alive! Boo! He is waking up. I run down the hall & out of the house with the clients on to the next house.
I never did get a complete view of big, hairy butt man's face & he never saw me. So if you know anyone that mentioned that they went to sleep & then woke up with the lights on, blinds open & had a bed full of dog toys - now you know what really happened.
Jen Stauter ~ www.HomeTeam4u.net
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