You push yourself each day to get everything done. Your to-do list never seems to end; it just keeps growing. And if you stop, you might not get it all done and then what?
Thoughts repeatedly telling you that you ‘have to do', ‘need to do', ‘must do' results in feelings of overwhelm, fatigue, and burnout. When you believe that you have no choice but that everything you do is a chore, you drain your energy. Everything is a burden. It's heavy and you keep pushing feeling as though you have no choice because you ‘have to'. You're tired. Heck, I'm tired just writing about it!
Who says you ‘have to'?
This thought process is insidious convincing you that you have no choice. There are always choices. Somewhere you learned to operate this way. It has stripped you of your power because you have to do as it commands for fear of something - fear of consequences, loss, or what others will think. You became the good girl/boy and do as you were told. Guilt is a powerful motivator, even though it feels bad and diminishes your power.
Who knows why this happens but the thought patterns become habits and, repeated enough times over the years, it feels like this is just how it is. This is who you are.
But it's not "who" you are. Rather it is how you have learned to operate in your life. And that's the good news. This operating system exists in your own mind which means you have the power to change it.
Coaching Tip: Pay attention to the language you use all day long.
Observe the words you say out loud and in your mind. What words do you use to motivate you to action? What rationalizing or excuses do you make? What fears do you have?
Doing things because you feel you ‘have to' can make you feel angry and resentful. Spending most of your time doing things you don't want to do feels as though you have no control of your life; someone else holds the strings and you are the puppet. This would make anyone angry.
Coaching Tip: Give yourself the power to choose.
Who says you ‘have to'? When you really think about it, YOU are the one giving yourself these instructions. And YOU can choose to think differently about the choices you make every day.
You choose to go to your job every day. If you're not happy, then do something about it. You choose to drive this car, remain in this relationship, put up with the things that bother you - you are choosing! You are just unaware and so you perceive that you have no power.
Your power is in giving yourself options, even if you don't like the options.
You might decide, for instance, that although you aren't thrilled with your current job, given the state of the economy and your financial situation, this is not a good time to make a move. Great! You've just given yourself the choice to stay or to leave. You should feel empowered already! Now do that with everything you do - answering your phone when it rings, cleaning your house, mowing your lawn, completing that project...
You can approach everything you do thinking you ‘have to' or you can act because it's what you want and choose to do. You don't have to clean your house. You can hire someone, leave it dirty or delegate to others who live in the home. You might not like the outcome, you might not like the choices, but you still HAVE choices. Pay attention to how you rationalize or talk yourself out of things. Observe the language you use to convince yourself that it must be done a certain way. And consider: In ten years, will it really matter?
Being at choice and being accountable for ourselves and our lives is the highest level of maturity there is. We achieve maturity when we account for what is by accepting responsibility for our choices, our actions and for the results our actions cause.
Being at choice brings you greater peace. You feel lighter, less burdened and have more fun. You also feel empowered. Give yourself the gift of choice and loosen the grip this thought process has to make you believe that you ‘have to'.
Let me know how it's going for you - Julie@NurturingYourSuccess.com.
Your partner for success,
Coach Julie ~ Nurturing Your Success
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