Inspirational Stories~Life Is A Shared Custody Venture

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Services for Real Estate Pros with Real Skillz-Clear Marketing for Your Real Estate Vision

Sharing IS the Best Way to Be

This morning like every other this week I have woken up with a smile across my face and started my day.Best of Friends, Playful Enemies Normally my children are still sleeping so I can get a cup of coffee or two in, do some laundry, and of course hop on my computer.  Then they awake and I find that among their cheers and breakfast wishes someone is missing.

That someone is my middle son who is spending a month with his father this summer.  

It is in that moment when I look among my children's heads and see only two that I feel that tug in my stomach.  The courts say I have to share, I have pieces of paper that say I have to share, but I don't want to. I want to be selfish and see three bed tumbled heads bobbing around my kitchen.  

I want to hear the buzz of "controlled chaos" as the boys argue and play, and as my daughter rolls her eyes at them in her "Whatever" pose.

I want to claim the chaos and merriment as mine, all mine.

But I can't, and I shouldn't.  The process of shared custody is best for all parties- for me, my ex-husband, but most of all, for our children.  They deserve to share time with both their parents and both their parents deserve time with them.

 

 

Independence is Overrated

Shared custody now creeps its tentacles into many aspects of my life.  I used to take ultimate pride in doing everything on my own.  Even before my business I believe my mantra was, 

"If you want it done right do it yourself".  

Complete Independence Is Freakishly Unnatural

I admit, with work, if my clients were unhappy with a touch they didn't receive from customer service I would take on the tasks and complete them to make my clients happy.  Then they would return to me throughout the year and suddenly I was customer service, sales rep., accounting, and tech support rolled into one...

Hmmmmm....maybe that's why all the late hours working.

When I launched my business I realized that complete independence was an exaggerated achievement. COULD I do everything on my own....I guess, but when would I sleep, eat, and live as a human being in the real world?  The first month I tried to go completely solo, flying the searches of Google in the quest of answers, and there were always many.  After a month in, I realized that I could also connect to my networks and ask questions....and get real answers.  I didn't have to dig through endless search results when I hit a wall.  

I had created social relationships and my friends were happy to help.

Wow, sharing information without a thought as to withholding a drop.  How could this be? Weren't they scared that I was going to take their trade secrets and monetize without them? Weren't they possessive of the knowledge they had taken time to learn? Why should they give this to me without a selfish whim in their business souls?

Maybe my social friends were unusually generous souls.  Lucky me.

 

 Learning to Share Is a Huge Life Lesson

Sharing is the status quo in web 2.0Or maybe, just maybe they too had been extended the hand of generosity on their business quest for answers one day.  Maybe they were tired of trying to fly solo and had reached out tentatively and asked a question....and were answered with a real answer.  Maybe they decided that sharing would not hurt their position, their foothold in their marketplace, but rather strengthen it.

Maybe they realized that on the social networks sharing was quite, well, ordinary.  NO court papers necessary.

Circling back to the beginning, do I still miss my son like crazy? Yes.  Do I feel the arrangement is more like distilled vinegar than a sweet aged wine? Sometimes.  

 

BUT I spoke with him last evening and his voice was full of joy.  

He was happy to be able to share time with his Dad.  Shared custody made him happy, and his happiness made me happy and that happy feeling extended to my two children who are with me and they were happy.  

The network of warm fuzzy feelings zipped like a cucumber vine springing golden flowers in its wake.

Sharing, whether its children, or ideas, responsibility, work, a laugh, a smile, troubles, concerns, tears, or joy is living life.  

Life IS A shared custody venture.

 

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Rainmaker
799,314
Robert Rauf
HomeBridge Financial Services (NJ) - Toms River, NJ

A month sure seems like a long time!  but you are right, it is best for everyone!

Jul 23, 2009 05:49 AM #1
Rainmaker
1,967,525
Tom Braatz Waukesha County Real Estate 262-377-1459
Coldwell Banker - Oconomowoc, WI
Waukesha County Realtor Real Estate agent. SOLD!

Rebecca

It truly is a shared custody world.

Tom

Jul 23, 2009 05:52 AM #2
Ambassador
554,125
Larry Story
Total Care Realty - Greensboro, NC
Total Care Realty, LLC, Greensboro, NC Real Estate

Rebecca, I do understand but,  as a divorced parent the heart strings tug on me whenever my children are not around.  Now two are all grown up but I do have a 8 soon to be 9 year old that is an hour and a half away and the mother does not foster a good relationship with me.  She seems to try to get him to forget me.  Just think how lucky you are to be the custodial parent.  You have them most of the time.  I only get to visit and get him occasionally. 

Jul 23, 2009 05:58 AM #3
Rainmaker
317,573
Liz Loadholt
Liz Loadholt- AgentOwned Realty- Covering SC - Mount Pleasant, SC
Realtor--Broker-in-charge - Trainer--Relocation Director Covering SC

Rebecca --- great post --- I know it is difficult to share --- Liza shares her 2 sons with their Dad -- so I do understand.  I like your analogy.

Mama Liz's Signature

Jul 23, 2009 08:27 AM #4
Rainmaker
219,452
Sally Dunbar
Lyon Real Estate, Fair Oaks CA (Sacramento Area) - Fair Oaks, CA
Fair Oaks Realtor - Fair Oaks Homes for Sale

Rebecca - it's the ultimate gift you can give, however, to realize what is best for your kids, and adjust your own needs accordingly.

Jul 23, 2009 08:43 AM #5
Rainmaker
554,058
Barb Szabo, CRS
RE/MAX Trinity Brecksville Ohio - Cleveland, OH
E-pro Realtor, Cleveland Ohio Homes

How very mature of you to put your children's needs above your own. It's not as easy as it sounds.

Jul 23, 2009 11:09 AM #6
Rainmaker
656,032
Bob & Carolin Benjamin
Benjamin Realty LLC - Gold Canyon, AZ
East Phoenix Arizona Homes

Shared custody is never an easy path -- regardless of how well the parents get along. All the best.

Jul 23, 2009 06:36 PM #7
Rainmaker
176,539
Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant
Real Skillz-Clear Marketing for Your Real Estate Vision - Lake Geneva, WI

Robert- It IS a long time:) But my son has been able to share every other weekend with me during this time, so I am grateful for that.

Tom- I am sure you can appreciate that.

Larry- I am definitely grateful to the be the custodial parent....in my case, it was definitely earned and in the beginning there would have been no choice. BUT I am still grateful and I need to remember the big picture sometimes.

Liz- Thank you.  I do often relate my non business life to my business life.  I guess that is how I think.

Jul 24, 2009 07:28 AM #8
Rainmaker
176,539
Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant
Real Skillz-Clear Marketing for Your Real Estate Vision - Lake Geneva, WI

Sally- I am learning that this is a process that only grows, it never goes away.

Jul 24, 2009 08:18 AM #9
Rainmaker
176,539
Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant
Real Skillz-Clear Marketing for Your Real Estate Vision - Lake Geneva, WI

Barb- Thank you it's not and I am far from perfecting this, only trying to get it done:)

Bob and Carolin- THank you, it's about 4 1/2 years worth of discovery here.

Jul 24, 2009 08:21 AM #10
Rainmaker
207,305
Pat Tasker
Shorewest Realtors - Germantown, WI
Your Milwaukee Metro Area Agent (WI)

It is nice the dad takes him for a month...some never see their kids...

Life is as "normal" as in years gone by...today's normal finds kids who spend more time with grandparents than parents in many cases....or aunts or uncles...there is no "normal" any more...

Aug 06, 2009 03:34 PM #11
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Rainmaker
176,539

Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant

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