Couch Trips Work Wonders And Needing Some First Aid

By
Real Estate Agent with Keller Williams Realty 0575737

Couch TripI think my mind has finally gotten numb with the seriousness in the lives of Real Estate industry bloggers. Staging homes, selling the next door neighbor's place, negative equity, clients behaving badly... Arrgh, someone has to bring some humor to this place. Ah, finally something I am good at.

A woman walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. She took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the woman began weeping.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this."

Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the woman see an analyst about her problem.

"I happen to have the name of a Psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he's as good as they get."

The woman wrote down the name of the Doctor, thanked the bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd done a good deed for a fellow human being.

Six months later, the woman was back. "Did you do what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the glass of white wine.

"I certainly did," the woman said. "I've been seeing the Psychoanalyst twice a week." She took a sip of the wine. Then she threw the remainder into the bartender's face.

The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. "The Doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good," he sputtered.

"On the contrary," the woman claimed, "he's done me a world of good."

"But you threw the wine in my face again!" The bartender exclaimed.

"Yes," the woman replied. "But it doesn't embarrass me anymore."

Put more WEEKEND into every day of your life and don't take life and yourself so seriously!!! I expect to see and hear a smile when I see you or read your blog post <Smile>. OK, I can see some of you out there are still only half smiling... so here comes the bonus round. Try to fake a smile best you can. The world needs a little more light you know...

First Aid Tape

A guy decides to take off work early from work and go drinking. He stays in the bar until it closes at 2 in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk.

When he gets back to his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone up, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he loses his balance, falls over backwards, and lands flat on his rear end.

That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had a couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets and they broke. The broken glass carved up his rear end terribly, but he was so drunk he didn't know he was hurt.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he saw some blood. He checked himself out in the mirror and sure enough, his rear end is cut up something terrible. He repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances and went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting and his rear was hurting, and he was laying under the covers trying to think up a good story, when his wife came into the bedroom.

"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."

"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You were plastered last night - where'd you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?"

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror."
 

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Topic:
ActiveRain Community
Location:
Texas Denton County Flower Mound
Groups:
Realtors®
Jokes and Anything Fun Group
Club Chaos
Diary of a Realtor
Friday Funnies
Tags:
humor in the rain

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Ambassador
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Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA - Bristow, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Gary:  Thanks for the much needed humor.  I have been feeling physically ill due to the stress of my real estate transactions. 

Jul 31, 2009 07:33 AM #1
Rainmaker
1,534,271
Lyn Sims
RE/MAX Suburban - Schaumburg, IL
Schaumburg IL Real Estate

Thanks for the laugh! Your terrific. I posted my own Friday Funnies today in the Optimist Group.  It's been mighty serious around here lately. 

Jul 31, 2009 07:36 AM #2
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Wanda Kubat-Nerdin - Wanda Can!
Prado Real Estate South - St. George, UT
So Utah Residential, Referral & Relocation REALTOR

Thanks for the laughs Gary! I'm glad for a change that a blonde wasn't used with the last joke! (Of course, HE could have been and most likely IS!) Ha-ha!

Jul 31, 2009 08:01 AM #3
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Lenn Harley
Lenn Harley, Homefinders.com, MD & VA Homes and Real Estate - Leesburg, VA
Real Estate Broker - Virginia & Maryland

Priceless.  The last one got me. 

Thanks.

Jul 31, 2009 08:14 AM #4
Rainmaker
297,359
Marilyn Katz
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices New England Properties - Westport, CT
ABR, e-PRO - WestportCTProperties.com

Gary - LOL! I guess you could say this post really raises the bar!!

Jul 31, 2009 11:01 AM #5
Rainmaker
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William Feela
WHISPERING PINES REALTY - North Branch, MN
Realtor, Whispering Pines Realty 651-674-5999 No.

Gary..thanks for the funnies...Sounds like my younger days! LOL

Jul 31, 2009 11:20 AM #6
Rainmaker
671,701
Sandy Shores FL Realtor®, Melbourne Real Estate
M & M Realty of Brevard Inc. - Melbourne, FL
Brevard County Real Estate, Florida's Space Coast

Hi Gary, I love the jokes...it's good to see a bit of humor - we certainly all need some everyday. Thanks for the one to bring it our way!

Jul 31, 2009 11:21 AM #7
Rainmaker
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Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

Gary, I need the laughs and some humor, it's been a long day...Thank you!

Jul 31, 2009 11:52 AM #8
Rainmaker
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Dorie Dillard CRS GRI ABR
Coldwell Banker United Realtors® ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
Serving Buyers & Sellers in NW Austin Real Estate

Gary,

I love this last one. Thanks for your humor..I've definitely been putting more Weekend into my life and life is good!

Jul 31, 2009 12:04 PM #9
Rainmaker
553,708
Barb Szabo, CRS
RE/MAX Trinity Brecksville Ohio - Cleveland, OH
E-pro Realtor, Cleveland Ohio Homes

Long week for me Gary so that was fun to read and I did laugh!

Jul 31, 2009 12:10 PM #10
Rainer
117,458
Monika Depalo
GAFF'S REFERRAL'S INC. - Port Orange, FL
REAL ESTATE Agent/Stager

Nice shoe picture in your blog, I wonder what size it is? 

Funny jokes-I still say you are a blog master.

Jul 31, 2009 12:18 PM #11
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Suzanne McLaughlin
Sabinske & Associates, Inc. (Albertville, St. Michael) - Saint Michael, MN
Sabinske & Associates, Realtor

My gosh, you have some really "wet" humor there.  I didn't know people related drinking jokes anymore.  I loved them.  Thanks for the end to a perfect week.  Or was that the perfect end to the week?  Something like that...I'm looking for the bandaids on the mirror.  Or my wineglass. 

Jul 31, 2009 01:11 PM #12
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Andrea Swiedler
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices New England Properties - New Milford, CT
Realtor, Southern Litchfield County CT

LOL Gary, Love the second one the best I think. I only know one joke,and I can't tell it here, LOL. Thanks for the smile! :D

Jul 31, 2009 01:57 PM #13
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Tammy Lankford,
Lane Realty Eatonton, GA Lake Sinclair, Milledgeville, 706-485-9668 - Eatonton, GA
Broker GA Lake Sinclair/Eatonton/Milledgeville

Gary I'm going to take your advise and try to get more weekends into every day.  Very cute stories, both of them.  I'm going to have to share them with friends.

Jul 31, 2009 02:52 PM #14
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Jennifer Fivelsdal
JFIVE Home Realty LLC | 845-758-6842|162 Deer Run Rd Red Hook NY 12571 - Rhinebeck, NY
Mid Hudson Valley real estate connection

Gary I always know where I can find a bit of humor and good laugh.  Thank you.

Jul 31, 2009 03:23 PM #15
Rainer
85,892
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Ok, Gary, that second one really got me!  Thanks for the laugh!

Jul 31, 2009 03:34 PM #16
Rainmaker
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Betina Foreman
WJK Realty - Austin, TX
Realtor, C.N.E., with WJK REALTY

Too funny. I needed that laugh today!! Thanks a bunch for the giggle!!

Aug 01, 2009 03:24 AM #17
Rainmaker
661,136
JL Boney, III
Coldwell Banker - Columbia, SC
Columbia, SC Real Estate

I am just happy to know that the poor lady has managed to get over her embarrassment. They can put a hamper on your ability to throw a good glass of wine.

Aug 01, 2009 04:23 AM #18
Rainmaker
363,351
Susie Blackmon
Ocala, FL
Ocala, Horses, Western Wear, Horse Farms, Marketing

I laugh every day, probably because I have a naughty sense of humor. And of course visiting you makes me smile. ;-)

Aug 01, 2009 09:28 AM #19
Rainmaker
173,453
June Lewis
Northwood Realty Services - New Castle, PA
Realtor Northwood Realty - New Castle,Pa Lawrence Co 7247304571

Hi Gary  Had a busy busy day and I am really tired but never too tired to check out your blogs..I did almost miss the lady in the shoe...to cute

This was so cute. especially the second one.. I wondered how it was going to end.. Thanks for the laugh

Aug 01, 2009 01:04 PM #20
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Gary Woltal

Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth
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