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Keeping Emotions & Opinions Out of That "Family" Hawaii Real Estate Transaction

By
Real Estate Agent with Liberty Homes RS-#62825

We all would love to save the world wouldn't we? We want to ‘make sure' that everyone knows that we are the professional in the Hawaii Real Estate Transaction and will ‘make sure' everything is done right. Well, we really do have to draw that line when it comes to:

  • The relative who is giving the buyer the down payment and wants to be the ‘expert' and believes they are more knowledgeable than the licensed agent. The reality is that the buyer is ‘obligated' to listen to the relative because of the down payment.
  • The helpful ‘friend' who tells the buyer that they can get the property for X amount under the list price. I mean, they just ‘know' that the seller will accept a lowball because they're all desperate.
  • The friend, mom, dad, relative that tells the buyer that they need to ask for more credit for closing costs after there is already an accepted contract. You know those ‘after the fact people.

Regardless of those family and friends who continuously butt in,  it is in OUR best interests to not only try and set our boundaries, BUT to avoid getting in between the relationships of the client and their mom, dad, friend, sister, brother, aunt, another friend and even those first cousin second removed situations.

I mean, it really isn't a good thing to chime in with the husband who is calling his wife a b----ch or the kid who's calling his generous down payment giving mom evil. Or to blatantly tell our client that their friend is a rotten #$#%%^&* because he's ‘advising' too much.

Ah, the bliss of going home at night and knowing we did our best....and then some...

When trying to convince not only the buyer that we know our profession and our business.....

......but everyone in between that seems to be buying the property right along with them.

Posted by

                                                       

 

Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman  is a Realtor-Associate® and Certified Residential Specialist (CRS) with Century 21 Liberty Homes in Mililani, Hawaii. With a sharp understanding that a listening ear is the key to a client's needs  she serves the island of Oahu (Honolulu County) and all Hawaii Military Relocations, Hawaii Retirees, Hawaii Job Transfers and Hawaii Residents, Home Buyers and Sellers.

 

 © 2007-2015 Celeste "Sally" Cheeseman's

Hawaii Real Estate and Relocation Blog.

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Comments(22)

Marchel Peterson
Results Realty - Spring, TX
Spring TX Real Estate E-Pro

Oh my gosh I think I have walked in your shoes (lol).  I had a young couple a few years ago that decided to listen to their agent instead of Mom and because of that they ended up getting to buy the foreclosure that was such a good deal.  Had they listened to Mom we would have been in a bidding war and who knows what the outcome would have been.

Aug 21, 2009 02:36 PM
Marchel Peterson
Results Realty - Spring, TX
Spring TX Real Estate E-Pro

By the way I love the graphic!!  It is still a stuggle for me to do things like that but I'm trying.  What program did you use?

Aug 21, 2009 02:37 PM
George Souto
George Souto NMLS #65149 FHA, CHFA, VA Mortgages - Middletown, CT
Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert

Sally my favorite is when they tell me that their friend bought a house with no money down, the Seller paid the Closing Costs, and they got $4,000 in check from the Sellers at the Closing.  YA OK, the first two there is a good possibility of it happening, the third, well lets just say what time is visiting hours at the local pen :)

Aug 21, 2009 02:40 PM
Andrea Swiedler
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices New England Properties - New Milford, CT
Realtor, Southern Litchfield County CT

Sally, I sure have been there. You see any control of the situation you have just slipping away. So far I have been blessed and been able to pull my head out of the jaws of that monster you have there. 

YUCK. Good thing we can go home and get on AR!

Aug 21, 2009 04:34 PM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

test

Aug 21, 2009 05:30 PM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

Darn..keep losing my comments! 

Andrea: That's what they want to do....eat us alive lol!

George: Yup...and all loan officers and agents are rich rich rich ...so is the seller...and they're entitled ...just because lol

Aug 21, 2009 05:31 PM
Steven Nickens
Hawaii Life Real Estate Brokers - Wailea, HI
R(S)GRI ABR, Maui Real Estate Hawaii

Hi Sally,

family is tough in business and real estate.  I perfer dealing with strangers than family, it has it's own set of problems

Steve

Aug 21, 2009 09:46 PM
Laura Cerrano
Feng Shui Manhattan Long Island - Locust Valley, NY
Certified Feng Shui Expert, Speaker & Researcher

Sally, I've seen that when someone is buying or selling, everyone around them suddenly is an EXPERT in real estate advice!  I can't believe it and I try to tell people that they need a true real estate agent with their best interests at heart.  Some listen...and some don't.  I feel sorry for those that don't.

Aug 22, 2009 12:31 AM
Patricia Kennedy
RLAH@properties - Washington, DC
Home in the Capital

Sally, I love the family dynamics in real estate transactions!  You can just see all of those unresolved control issues - sometimes I feel like I'm practicing shrinkery without a license!

Aug 22, 2009 12:47 AM
Carol Smith
Casmi Photography - Mebane, NC

I have had young first time buyers that wanted to be grown up, but before they could/would make a decision they had to have all the parents, friends, co workers and kindergarten pals come through the house and advise them.  I've been known to say ... "If you want to rely on the advice of a non professional that is your perogative.  But keep in mind ... I will NOT be responsible for your deal falling apart if you choose that path."  That has usually settled the matter.  :)

Aug 22, 2009 01:27 AM
Monica Bourgeau
Portland, OR
Business Coaching

It is tough when family members get involved in the transaction from the outside, but maybe don't always know the details, or the current market conditions. It puts everyone in a tough spot, especially the buyers who don't always know what to believe.

Aug 22, 2009 02:36 AM
Katerina Gasset
The Gasset Group & Get It Done For Me Virtual Services - Provo, UT
Amplify Your Real Estate & Life Dreams!

Sally- That is SO funny- the image that is! I love it! You did great with that!

Aug 22, 2009 04:26 PM
Steve Shatsky
Dallas, TX

Hi Sally... I bet that most of us can relate to your post from first hand experience!  It's a juggling act at best!

Aug 23, 2009 06:37 AM
Randy L. Prothero
eXp Realty - Hollister, MO
Missouri REALTOR, (808) 384-5645

Family members can sometimes be a huge problem if the advice they are giving is not good advice.  So can friends and neighbors.

Aug 23, 2009 08:48 PM
Bill Gassett
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Hopkinton, MA
Metrowest Massachusetts Real Estate

Love the photo Sally and of course your advice is certainly well taken!

Aug 23, 2009 11:22 PM
Stacie Colclasure
Gateway Holding and Referral Company - Bethalto, IL
Realtor, Bethalto, IL

Sally, I'm in the middle of one of those situations right now.  Trying to represent a young single, first-time homebuyer but the parents who haven't bought real estate in over 20 years are advising this person on offer price, terms, etc.  Their advice is so not realistic!  I'm afraid that they will either end up not buying at all or getting stuck with a really bad deal. 

Aug 24, 2009 02:33 AM
Renée Donohue~Home Photography
Savvy Home Pix - Allegan, MI
Western Michigan Real Estate Photographer

I loathe and don't like to work with the "it's all your fault crowd" or "I sold real estate in 1973 crowd". 

I don't like seeing sweet Miss Sally's head in the dinosaur :(

Aug 24, 2009 10:14 AM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

Renee: Me either....I know someone in my office going through one of those :)  That's what happens if we buy into those people's emotions and control issues :)

Stacie: All we can do is advise...jumping in the middle won't help at all.

Thanks Bill

Randy: For sure...

Sure is Steve!

Thanks Katerina...I thought it was hilarious...the situations can be just as hilarious...depending on mood :)

Kevin/Monica: That's what makes it more complicated and confuses the buyer more. They don't want to 'hurt' feelings but don't realize they're only hurting themselves.

 

Aug 25, 2009 06:53 AM
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
(RA) AHWD CRS ePRO OAHU HAWAII REAL ESTATE

Carol: That's a great statement and will use it if something comes up again. That's a diplomatic way to put things in perspective.

Patricia: Control issues to the max! Not to mention the know it alls who know everything and anything...and really believe that what they say is written in stone lol

Carole: For sure! The expert on everything warrants a broken deal at best.

Steve: I like the families who really believe that I know what's best and trust in me that I'm doing what's in the best interests of the client.

Aug 25, 2009 06:57 AM
Carol Culkin
Diamond Partners Inc - Overland Park, KS
Overland Park Residential Real Estate

Sally - I see all too often that good intentions can do more harm.

Aug 28, 2009 05:07 PM