Are Buyers Really Liars? What Saying This Really Says About YOU!

I don't know I would agree that buyers don't lie and it is always about us not being trusted.  I think none of us can reach everyone and those we can't may tell white lies as a way to sever ties without hurting our feelings or to simply save face because they have learned they can't go through with a purchase for some reason.  I think it is human behavior to hold some of our cards in an attempt to have a leg up on others, for whatever reason we need that.  I don't think most buyers walk around and make habit of lying to their real estate agents.  But, I think we are fooling ourselves if we assume we are so great that our buyers wont lie to us...

I think what we are all really meaning to say is that prospects and leads may not be totally forthcoming or honest about their information until called to task.

Wow what a great discussion.  I agree with some, disagree with others, but that's what makes the world go 'round.  I don't believe, or at least hope, that no one is intentionally lying to anyone in a real estate transaction, naive . . . possibly.  I do know there are buyers who will work you for months and months going back and forth on what they want then flip flopping again and still they cannot or will not make a decision and write a contract.  I am patient, I listen to my clients, I do whatever is in my power to help them, and still if the time comes to discuss making a decision and making an offer then I'm not "looking out for their best interests" because I don't really want to show them another 50 houses.  I don't know the answer, I just know that I agree with many of you who say that many buyers, and sellers, really have no understanding of what we do for them and how the system works.

The first time I heard that phrase was when I was brand new. At that time we didn't get buyers pre-approved. The first meeting was sitting down with them and pre-qualifying them ourselves- income, debt and do you have good credit. We showed houses based on what they could afford and the payment they were comfortable with based on that pre-qualification. An experienced agent told me not to get my hopes up until they were approved for the mortgage- that buyers were liars. Meaning they would inflate their income or claim to have better credit than they actually had. Then shortly afterward (probably still in my first or second year) we started getting pre-qualification letters from lenders- credit was pulled but no verifications. Again I was told not to trust we were going to close on anything until the actual mortgage process got going and income and verification of funds to close- because again buyers were liars.

I haven't really heard the phrase much since then.

As far as buyers buying something different than what they told you they wanted- that's not lying. It's our JOB to figure out what they really want and if they really want exists in their price range. A buyer not being totally forthcoming at the beginning of a relationship is also not lying. It's our JOB to earn their trust. Our checks are large and we need to EARN those checks. 

You ain't seen nuttin yet. Wait till you read my post tomorrow on loan modifications if you want to know what these scum bags think about your cleints as their seperating them from their doe, rey me.

Erica Ramus above - I like your position.  I don't like the phrase "buyers are liars" and its counterpart, "sellers are worse."  Can't paint everyone with one broad brush stroke, and every industry has its pitfalls, and people who do not follow through on a commitment.  All one can do is ask the tough questions on the front end, and qualify, qualify, qualify - and just work to a high standard yourself.  I bet there are many more great experiences with buyers and sellers than there are poor experiences, and if we are giving it our best, then we will always be ahead of the game no matter what.

You're so right, I never liked that saying, and the first time I heard it was from someone who had been in the business for many years.  Love the pic!

Kevin - I thought I had commented here, but realized I only sent you an email about the post I had written previously that I recently brought back from the depths of obsucrity.  The phrase is a ridiculous look at our industry in my mind.  Covering the phrase with things like "people are liars" and "we all get lied to sometimes" doesn't solve the problem in my book.  Do people lie?  Yes.  Have I been lied to?  Yes.  Does that make it a rational statement of one's frustrations?  No.

Someone had a comment about why bring it up on a public blog over in my comments.  Why?  So that people realize that we are aware of the problems in our own industry and that we're trying to stop them.  So we can have a discussion about it that hopefully ends in the phrase's death.  So we can find the root cause of why the phrase is allowed to exist and fix it at the source.

I, unfortuantely, feel as if the phrase will never go away.  I want it to and I will do everything I can to stop people from using it, but I think it will always linger in agents' minds.  I hear it said by many with a laugh...a laugh that says "I'd never say that, but it's just so true it's funny."

We all have our faults, I just hope that this will never be one of most agents' faults.  Viewing the world with this sort of cynicism will get us nowhere and never help our industry heal the rift between us and consumers.  And yes, there is a rift, no doubt.  Many people don't see one, but enough do that it creates a perpetuation of this phrase.  Buyers and sellers wind up being cautious around us before they fully trust us and that breeds an environment where this phrase can build up steam and be used to explain why the buyer didn't want to tell you that they've been working with six other agents (or whatever the "lie" (and I use that word for reference only) d'jour is).

Wash.  Rinse.  Repeat.

I have a whole new take on "Buyers are Liars" in that I don't think they KNOW what they want and lie to themselves. Case in point; the last house we bought. It HAD to be in West Omaha and HAD to have a walk-out. But then we saw a great home with Bird's Eye View on a park in Northwest Omaha without a walk-out. "Liars" is a bit strong, but we were lying to ourselves, and shared our strict parameters with our Agent so I can see how it could be construed that way and we're guilty!  

But the part that's missing to alleviate this dilemma is shopping WITH your buyers online with something like 4114Homes.com. (See the demo) As an Agent-4-Me, you have the ability to view your clients' favorites and saved search criteria. If they start looking elsewhere, your're right there with them.

I'm not really sure I like the whole "they just don't know what they want" side of the explanation either.  Not that it's not true at times, just that it makes us seem like snobs walking around with our noses in the air looking down on the petty little people who don't know what they want.  Ugh.  This is a huge decision in someone's life and there is bound to be a bit of time spent searching for what they want.  And yes, maybe they wanted the single story and insisted they didn't want a two story - but somehow they bought a two story.  They weren't lying and it wasn't a case of they didn't know.  It was a case of they decided differently in the end.  Ever go to get ice cream with a real hankering for chocolate and wind up with peanut butter fudge ripple as you were walking out?  I have.

Let's stop trying to name what it is they're doing and just help them find the home they love.  Does it take some extra work with some clients?  Yes.  Can you wonder what they're really thinking sometimes as they go against everything they told you previously?  Yes.  Is it possible for them to have different opinions on different houses for different reasons?  Yes.  Ever change your mind about something in your life?  My bet is...you guessed it.  Yes.  Just work with the client and give them your best.  Help them see what they're envisioning, but don't be shocked if they stray from that (ever bought a home and saw a feature that you became affixed on and became a must have?).  Sometimes giving them your best might be throwing out everything you've worked on so far and starting from scratch.

Kevin,

Nice post.  Similar topic on another post I commented on today.  We need to be in tuned with what the buyer is really saying.  Do we understand their needs?  How do we view the buyer?  As a paycheck?  Or someone who has a need that with our expertise we can fulfill?  Stereotypes exist as long as you let them.  How do your clients and potential customers perceive you?  Our reputation is everything in this business.  Use that to your advantage.  It may mean not taking a listing because the price is not right for the market despite your best efforts to inform the seller.  Do right by your customers and the rest will take care of itself.

Yes buyers may not all be liars but lets be real about this. As a buyers agent we work very hard to provide them with the service they need and in this market we are....a little tense because time is money. I think that buyers sense that and when they ask to see the 50th home you cant help but think....are they serious or am I a tour guide. I think they can sense this in your manner.  Ultimately you are at their mercy aren't you?

In my case I try to overcome my own objections and find a way to have the most meaningful exchange with my clients. I offer as much informationas possible and try to guide them. My goal is to have them trust me. If I think this is not working for me or them I refer them to another agent in my office. Maybe we are just not the right fit. it's important as Realtors that we decide how much time they want to invest in a buyer. Never get to the point that you think ugh! That information about you will spread like wild fire in you territory. If you feel it is a waste of time with them and they are not serious take the high road and refer them elsewhere. They remember you well if done correctly.

Buyer are not liars... Sellers are not yellers.

In both cases, a complete needs analysis needs to be done.  Complete a criteria sheet and why they need it.  Prioritize the list.  Have a complete "roles and expectations" conversation (my role, your role plus loyalty).  Get them financially approved with underwriting and show homes.  Always do this in that order and most of the time you will get paid and have a happy client.

Agents who say the bad stuff about their clients may be honest but lack training and duplicatable processes and systems that guarantee results.

I hope this helps.

Buyers are not Liars if you ask the right questions!

The phrase "buyers are liars" is a rather disparaging way to say that "they tell you one thing, and forget to tell you another."  Example:  Mrs. A explains she wants to downsize to a home with less taxes and smaller spaces.  When we view some properties, I discover that a Master Bath is essential.  What's more, at the end of our first day, she discovers she really doesn't want less space, so much as she wants one floor living, which she thought would mean less space.

So, after previewing 3 or 4 capes, one or 2 small colonials, and 2 ranches, I learned more about what she really wanted.  More important, SHE learned more about what she really wanted.  Did we waste our time that day?  NO ... because even had I quizzed her, she couldn't give me definitive and accurate answers because she had to "see for herself."  Does that make her a "liar" or a "deceiver"?  Absolutely NOT.

Another example:  A buher told me he had $70,000 to put down on a house.  Turns out, his line of credit had been reduced and he didn't realize it.  So, he had only $35,000 to put down -- again, NOT a lie.

I think that if we, as buyers agents, took more time up front with the initial interview of our clients, many realtors would make this statement less often.  Buyers are not liars.  They know what they want and when you don't deliver, you accuse them of being dishonest?  Sorry - you have too high of an opinion of yourself if you think it's fun looking at 14 homes - none of which fit the initial criteria - and continue to smile.