Super Inspector

By
Home Inspector with Elliott Home Inspection

Is this how some agents see Home Inspectors?

This is a submission from Lania De Mer

Funny

The Mother of ALL Home Inspections!!!

All right. Buckle your seat belts! With the arguably litigious society in which we live, I'm sure this will be a post for you to keep and perhaps share with your fellow professionals. I, for one, will never forget the lesson I learned today. Today's home inspection will forever change the way I look at home inspectors and the way that their extensive training can help us to gain a perspective that every real estate professional seems to lack.
I arrived a few moments early for my buyer's inspection. (In Colorado, inspectors have no way of getting into the home unless an agent is there to give entry). Within minutes, I noticed a banana yellow Pinto, (vintage of course), pull up to the curb in front of the property. The door magnet on the car read, "We Inspect Em' Till You Reject Em!" It had a scowling smiley face logo as the dot on the exclamation point. I had a feeling this was going to be a long day.
As the door of the vehicle swung open, I heard what I thought was "walkie-talkie" conversation coming from the inside. That's when I noticed the eight foot long ham radio antenna extending from the roof of the inspector's vehicle with the scowling smiley face antenna topper to match his logo. As my buyer pulled up to join us, I remember thinking, "How can that antenna possibly stand up? It's taller than the inspector would be if he were standing on top of the car?"
Anyway, we made introductions as the distracted inspector proceeded to open his trunk and pull out extensive equipment. He hunched on a black flack jacket that contained all sorts of tools and testers with blinking lights and curious instrument covers.I'm estimating it's weight was somewhere in the proximity of 20-30lbs. After that, he strapped on the LARGEST tool belt that I had ever seen and began randomly, "drawing" flash lights and laser instruments and testing them for battery charge. It was a sight to be seen. Then came the hard hat, non-latex powdered gloves, protective goggles...did I mention the thousand candle helmet light? (I know it was a thousand candle because he said, "yep, this baby shines a thousand candle into the blackest hole you want to face...").
I opened the door and tried to let him know that I would be sitting at the kitchen table, but he turned to my buyer and said, "Shhhh. I think I detect and In-ful-tra-tor on these premises..." My buyer said, "No, it's Lania, she was just saying..." "SHHHHHHHHH!! Now let me tell YOU something Sunny Jim...YOU are MY client. Not this, this...real estate person. I don't see em'. I don't hear em'. And I don't take referrals from em'. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"
My puzzled buyer looked at me and shrugged. I was concerned to say the least, but you have to be careful now adays. My buyer had chosen this inspector from the yellow book because I was afraid to recommend someone specifically. I didn't want my buyer or anyone else to think I would steer someone to a home inspector. I just acted like it was silly behaviour and rolled my eyes. I took my place at the kitchen table. THEN IT ALL BEGAN.
The inspector addressed the buyer. "Prior to your arrival, I secured the perimeter of the premises and did a preliminary inspection of the exterior components to determine which check points would be in need of further examination upon your arrival." My buyer looked puzzled. "After which, I have determined that a limited assessment of said exterior components warranted further investigation by a qualified roofing contractor, a qualified siding contractor, a qualified pest specialist and a qualified structural engineer. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to have the grade looked at by a landscape contractor, but I'll just make a note about that and you can decide weather that would be a maintenance item or you'd feel more comfortable having the Forestry Society come out and look at that dead limb on the cottonwood back there." He snapped his gum.
As they stepped into the back kitchen door toward the area where I was sitting at the table...it all came down. The inspector began running the dishwasher and disposal, flicking on and off lights, testing stove burners and THEN he came to the refrigerator...a red flashlight popped out of the holster with one hand as the surgical face mask swooped up with his other hand and snapped into position over his nose. "I think we've got us a code 19 here. Now wait... quiet...let me just check this out to make sure before I jump the gun...no it's a 19ER! A 19ER!" A walkie-talkie jutted out of the flack vest..."VERN, come in VERN, this is G-MAN 7, Over..."
"G-man 7, This is Vern. What's yer' 20?"
WE were starting to panic. My buyer was obviously spooked now, "What? Is it mold? Is it black mold? Should we leave?..."
Inspector G-man 7 gently but firmly motioned toward the door with his talkie and flashlight, "It's for your own good, just go outside and await further instructions."
I had had enough..."WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"
"Mam...you are a non-entity to me. However, in the interest of kindness and humanity, I will tell you that I believe this perishable sustenance container is contraband because of a tampered serial number and may have been placed here by an enemy of our Mother Country..."
"The refrigerator?" I asked.
"Yes, if you must use laymen's terms...the refrigerator. This serial number has been altered with what appears to be a .5mm Sharpie of the early 90's vintage."
"SO?" I knew I was pushing him over the edge, but I didn't see how an altered serial number had anything to do with national security."
"OHHHHH YEAH. You SMUG real estate agents have all the answers don't you? WELL YOU JUST LISTEN HERE MISSY...In a MOMENT, this place will be SWARMING with FBI, AFT, and ALL OF THE IMPORTANT Governmental initials I can think of. VERN is gonna blow the lid right off of this here farce you call a home sale deal. This house is sliding down a hill that is sliding down a neighborhood that is melting off the PLANET and you and the listing agent are trying to cover it all up with a little stroke of your Sharpie pen...WELL I WON'T BE PART OF IT!!!
Suddenly, I heard helicopters and what sounded like voices echoing through bull horns. Through the front window I could see the SWAT team surrounding the house. Agents in Hazmat suits rolled through the kitchen and covered the fridge in an aluminum looking bubble wrapper and wheeled it out on a dollie. I was told I'd be contacted later by the authorities should they need more information.
My buyer decided to wait on buying a home right now. He said, "There's just too much that could go wrong...I just don't think I'm ready for this."
Who are the super sleuths, yielding their fiery gizmos and gadgets untold? The sheer depth of their wealth of knowledge often wasting away, dormant and untapped? A veritable fount of wisdom and knowledge which speaks narrowly a fraction of its luminosity to its vast black subject. Engulfing daily, deeper into the cavernous beast of the residential resale home. They are the unspoken heroes of the cornerstone of our society. The heroes who dare to delve into the deepest, darkest crawl spaces of humanity...the inner workings of the abodeous beast. They are Certified Home Inspectors

Thank you Lania

 

 
Posted by Bob Elliott on 06/13/2007 12:01 AM  Comments (0) Edit Delete
Rate this post:1   2   3   4   5      
<!--div class="cleare-->
close

This entry hasn't been re-blogged:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
Tags:
home inspection

Post a Comment
Spam prevention
Spam prevention
Show All Comments
Rainer
1,669
Christina Yoon
Anne Arundel Properties - Odenton, MD
You should be author of "tales of the home inspection" and write more stories =)
Jun 13, 2007 02:28 AM #1
Ambassador
1,709,615
Dale Baker
Baker Energy Audits and Commercial Properties Inspections - Claremont, NH
New Hampshire Relocation Real Estate Information
Very good post I also think you should write more stories Thank You Bob
Jun 13, 2007 02:56 AM #2
Rainmaker
92,119
Bob Elliott
Elliott Home Inspection - Chicago, IL
Chicago Property Inspection

Wish I could take credit for the story,however it was relayed to me through Lania De Mer an Agent who has started Blogging here on Active Rain.It reminds me of Hanks next door neighbor on king of the Hill.

I think his name is Carl the bug man.She posted over at the NACHI site where unlike most forums nothing is edited out.There are a few Carl's out there and not only did it have me rolling with laughter,but it also hit home how we are such a litigious society that many inspectors would rather state every defect needs to be looked at by a licensed professional to cover them selves in case a goofy client begins blaming every problem under the sun on the inspector.

People do not realize that for a small fee sometimes as low as two hundred dollars in certain cases that we are responsible for so much.

When I go home after an inspection I spend more time doing the report than the 3 hours or so I spend on location.Now throw in marketing,gas, taxes,time spent on the phone,report software fees which are a big expense in my case as I use The Horizon Report system which is the Cadillac of them all and other expenses for tools and time spent on constant education yes put them all together and it is no wonder some of these guys lose it.In my case I just love doing it so much that the rest does not matter.

I tell people what I think and know my clients appreciate it.The secret is good communication and never being afraid to admit when you are not sure.If you truly are a pro it always shines through.

In the case of Super Inspector we all need to learn how not to take every little thing so seriously.

Life is Good       ( Bob )

Jun 13, 2007 06:15 AM #3
Rainer
67,462
David Helm
Helm Home Inspections - Bellingham, WA
Bellingham, Wa. Licensed Home Insp
After I stopped laughing, I realized just how much wisdom there is in this story.  Yes our society is litigious.  So what!  One of my major peeves is the constant deferral of things to "experts" that many inspectors do.  They would rather cover their backside than actually do an inspection and make real recommendations.  I strongly believ that we as inspectors need to take responsibility for what we do.  If something is broke, or at the end of its life; say so.  Don't refer it for further evaluation.
Jun 14, 2007 04:13 AM #4
Rainmaker
92,119
Bob Elliott
Elliott Home Inspection - Chicago, IL
Chicago Property Inspection

David Helm..If that is your real name.What gives you the right to come in hear and make any comments regarding age of anything.I sincerely believe you have infiltrated this forum as a way to undermine the AARP.I will first have your comments analyzed by an expert in handwriting technology and will recommend my client not sign any legal documentation till above action has been completed.

You sir are part of a plot, and probably part of this plot that the Agents (double Agents I Say)have to sell substandard housing to every living breathing American in this country.

You will hear from my lawyer as soon as he is released.

SUPER INSPECTOR   (oh don't forget to give me a referal)

 

Jun 14, 2007 04:39 AM #5
Rainer
67,462
David Helm
Helm Home Inspections - Bellingham, WA
Bellingham, Wa. Licensed Home Insp
Hi Bob, I'm still laughing. I think I have every right to make comments about age because of my own age.  Those of us who are actually members of AARP really don't worry about undermining, unless of course it is of a footing.
Jun 14, 2007 04:45 AM #6
Anonymous
Anonymous

I cannot reveal my true identity or web address, so I have simply taken over Bob's or this individual you know as Bob's site that we might communicate.So make no further attempts to interupt american flow of free thought you infiltrator.

SUPER INSPECTOR

Jun 14, 2007 06:32 AM #7
Post a Comment
Spam prevention
Show All Comments

What's the reason you're reporting this blog entry?

Are you sure you want to report this blog entry as spam?

Rainmaker
92,119

Bob Elliott

Chicago Property Inspection
Ask me a question
*
*
*
*
Spam prevention

Additional Information