Things I Learned From Having Boys!!

Services for Real Estate Pros with Real Estate Pipeline, Inc.

I love my sons...probably more than they will ever know. But, there are a few things that I have learned having sons that has lead me to do a couple things:

1. Apologize to my parents -- If you are a man...and you have boys...and you have not apologized to your parents yet, you are probably going to Hell. :-)

2. Pray for forgiveness -- See #1 above. Same concept...same destination.

3. Call neighboring states to see if any of my previous exploits have lead to warrants for my arrest.  So far, I'm good.

But, I have learned some new things about boys that I just had to share with you all.  I have shared parts of this list before...but, it was over a year ago.  And believe me, if you have boys...A LOT can happen in a year.  If you have a son or ever were a son or have brothers or sisters with sons, this will make perfect sense to you as well.


1. A king size water bed holds enough water to fill the bottom floor of a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. I have since gotten rid of the water bed.

1A. Jumping on a real bed is way more fun than jumping on a water bed.

1B. Attempting to fly across the bedroom jumping from dad's bed can result in injury...either to yourself or to furniture. Or a wall.

1C. A 42lb boy flying off of dads bed can punch a hole in sheet-rock the size of a Buick.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.

4A. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

4B. It is also strong enough to smack a super-ball down the hallway harder than Tiger Woods on the first tee.

4C. Superballs can chip teeth.

4D. Dentists laugh out loud at you for getting your teech chipped on a super-ball.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

5A. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

5B. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

5C. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

6. Standing up in the bathtub is dangerous.

6A. Standing up in the bathtub to go pee...totally hilarious!

6B. Watching older brother completely freak out when younger brother pees in the bathtub...absolute RIOT!!!

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

7A. Hide your spare house key and spare car key somewhere above 5' off the floor. Or, your boy will flush that set of keys also.

7B. RotoRooter has a 42 minute response time.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A four-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 37-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

9A. Starting a fire on your deck is hazardous.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 1-year old Boy.

10A. This also holds true for certain jewelry, money, nuts, bolts, and various bicycle parts.

11. "Play dough" and "microwave" should not be used in the same sentence.

11A. This also holds true for eggs and hot wheels cars.

11B. Hot wheels cars will ignite if left in the microwave long enough.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

13A. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

14. To a 1yr old, there is nothing funner than a wooden spoon and a steel pot.

14A. Correction: Same point, only with a dozen steel pots.

14B. The resulting headache cant be stopped by an entire bottle of Advil. Try vodka. Best results are achieved when you use it on the boy, not you.

15. VCRs do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

15A. Also true for oatmeal, tuna fish, and dad's wallet.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

16A. Neither do blankets, stuffed animals, or anvils.

16B. Pillows only soften the landing when you actually land on them.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

18A. A sippy cup that was lost under the couch for more than a week requires a bio-hazard sticker and Haz-Mat team for proper extraction.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

19A. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

19B. The fire department in Lolo, MT has a 7 minute response time.

20. Fish can have seizures if "stimulated" enough.

20A. Banging on the side of the fish tank with a sippy cup is considered "stimulation".

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

21A. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

21B. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

22. Before you buy a boy a bunk-bed, make sure he doesn't own Superman pajamas.

22A. Owning Superman pajamas doesn't mean you can fly.

22B. A 40lb boy flying from the top bunk and crashing landing into a bookshelf makes an ASSLOAD of noise!!

22C. It will happen again. Trust me.

23. There are 4 major food groups: Hot dogs, cheese, chips, and chocolate milk. The rest is useless rabbit food.

23A. Pizza may take the place of the first 3.

23B. Nothing can replace chocolate milk.

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. (Trust me, it works...)

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Re-Blogged 4 times:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Fernando Herboso - Broker for Maxus Realty Group 12/13/2011 01:58 PM
  2. Jeffrey Richman 12/14/2011 01:24 AM
  3. Anne M. Costello 12/14/2011 10:41 PM
  4. Susan Goulding 12/19/2011 04:45 AM
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William James Walton Sr.
WEICHERT, REALTORSĀ® - Briotti Group - Waterbury, CT
Greater Waterbury Real Estate

Clint, LMBO!!!! Just like our little men, isn't it?

Sep 25, 2009 04:46 AM #23
Clint Miller
Real Estate Pipeline, Inc. - Missoula, MT

William -- Half of these my kids have done!!! :-)

Sep 25, 2009 04:49 AM #24
Dena Stevens
Rocky Mountain Realty - Canon City, CO
Putting The Real Into Realtor Since 2004

Try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid ~ what will this do? I missed something.

Jan 22, 2010 02:33 AM #25
Diane Kohler

ROFL!!!!!  Have you been spying on my son?



Jan 22, 2010 02:34 AM #26
Clint Miller
Real Estate Pipeline, Inc. - Missoula, MT

Dena -- You didnt read the post well enough....It makes smoke. A LOT of smoke!!! As the fire department types of plumes of smoke....LOL

Jan 22, 2010 02:34 AM #27
Clint Miller
Real Estate Pipeline, Inc. - Missoula, MT

Diane -- Spying on YOUR son??? Uhhh....I have two I have to watch! I dont have time to watch yours too! :-)

Jan 22, 2010 02:41 AM #28
Steve Babbitt

Thanks for the good laugh!  Very true, but I must say, my son was pretty good!  I'm not saying I don't have some hilarious stories too, but he was pretty calm, probably because he had two older sisters watching him!!

Jan 22, 2010 02:48 AM #29
Clint Miller
Real Estate Pipeline, Inc. - Missoula, MT

Steve -- You are quite welcome, my friend. :-) Yeah, the only thing watching my sons is me when my wife isnt around...and half the time, they are only copying what Im doing...LMAO! :-)

Jan 22, 2010 02:50 AM #30
Lisa Radke

What happened to blowing up army guys attached to firecrackers with a BB gun?  Inside a "fort" made up entirely of sticks and branches?  Those were the days....

Oh, and TV screens to not stop flyiing can openers...

...and then there's my favorite...making bows and arrows out of branches and sticks and shooting your little brother in the forehead...

(we played with a lot of sticks and branches in the pre-video game, cable TV era)

Tom-boy power!!!

Aug 12, 2011 08:46 AM #31
Elizabeth Cooper-Golden
Huntsville Alabama Real Estate, (@ Homes Realty Group) - Huntsville, AL
Huntsville AL MLS

Clint,  Oh how I will miss you.  I had to come back and read this one more time.  Thanks for so many great memories, wonderful life lessons and sharing your wisdom.  If I had a young son at home, I'd let him do all of the above and smile the whole time, just as you did.  You are missed my are missed.

Dec 13, 2011 07:09 AM #32
Dennis Swartz
Full Circle Property Management - Columbus, OH
ABR, CRB, GRI, MBA...experience counts!

Very funny, and very true!

Dec 18, 2011 03:22 AM #33
Mel Ahrens, MBA, Kelly Right Real Estate
Kelly Right Real Estate - Hood River, OR
Customized Choices for your Real Estate Needs

I love this! Hilarious post! As the mom of two boys myself, I can relate to some of these and many of my own. It is special raising boys, isn't it. Best of luck to you.


Dec 18, 2011 04:55 AM #34
Cindy Jones
Integrity Real Estate Group - Woodbridge, VA
Pentagon, Fort Belvoir & Quantico Real Estate News

Thanks for bringing back this classic Clint post.  He will be missed by those who followed him in the social media world and even more by his family.  RIP @therealclint. 

Dec 18, 2011 05:09 AM #35
Norma Toering Broker for Palos Verdes and Beach Cities
Charlemagne International Properties - Rancho Palos Verdes, CA
Palos Verdes Luxury Homes in L.A.

When Clint's sons read this they will know they were loved, and I'm sure they will read it many times over when they want to remember their dad. 

Dec 18, 2011 12:09 PM #36
Ellie McIntire
Ellicott City Clarksville Howard County Maryland Real Estate - Ellicott City, MD
Luxury service in Howard County & Catonsville
Now I am worried. I have a 5 year old that has NEVER been any trouble. Am I just waiting for the disasters?
Dec 18, 2011 01:41 PM #37
Susan Goulding
Crown Key Realty, Tracy & Mountain House Real Estate - Tracy, CA
Northern CA - Tracy & Mountain House Real Estate

As the mother of 4 sons There is nothing on this list that I have not learned from having boys.  How cool.  A lovely memory that will mean TONS to these boys when they are grown and have sons of thier own.

Dec 19, 2011 04:41 AM #38
Linda K. Mayer
License # 01767321 - La Verne, CA

#weloveclint @therealclintmiller  YOU ARE MISSED!

Dec 20, 2011 11:45 AM #39
Eric Estate
JB Goodwin - Austin, TX

I'm expecting my first son in just a few weeks.  I personally have tried ALL of these things, and couldn't stop laughing when I read this post. This is (or should be) a classic.

May 09, 2012 08:53 PM #40
Christine Donovan
Donovan Blatt Realty - Costa Mesa, CA
Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M

Angela - I came over from your post on FB.  I remember reading this before and just smiling as I did tonight and hoping my sons don't teach me more of the same.

Sep 22, 2013 11:38 AM #41
Rebecca Gaujot, RealtorĀ®
Perry Wellington Realty, Adam Conrad, Broker - Lewisburg, WV
Lewisburg WV, the go to agent for all real estate

Angela, also found this on your FB page...thanks for the laughs. there were 4 boys in our family and seven girls.  I remember Dad saying girls are easier to raise :)

Sep 23, 2013 08:25 AM #42
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