Realtorspeak, a Dictionary

By
Home Inspector with Helm Home Inspections

First a disclaimer.  This is all in jest and is not meant to offend anyone.  I spend a lot of time looking at listings, because I am a very small time RE investor.  I always get a kick out of the adjectives used to describe homes in these listings.  The following are some of my definitions.

ELEGANT   You can't afford it!

FABULOUS    See ELEGANT

DEVELOPMENT POTENTIAL  Bring a bulldozer!

CHARMER   Old and in the way!

LUXURIOUS    See ELEGANT

PRIVATE LOCATION    You can't get there from here!

REMODELED    A few upgrades done twenty years ago!

FIXER or FIXER UPPER    See DEVELOPMENT POTENTIAL

HISTORIC    See ELEGANT

CUTE    Your family won't fit in this one!

STARTER HOME    See DEVELOPMENT POTENTIAL

NEWER    At least thirty years old!

CLASSIC    See CHARMER

DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH    See DEVELOPMENT POTENTIAL

VINTAGE    See Charmer

These are a few of the terms I've discovered.  I know there are more.  Feel free to add any you'd like.

Thanks for looking

David Helm

www.helmhomeinspections.com

 

Posted by

David Helm, Inspector, Helm Home  Inspections Bellingham, Washington  Licensed Home  Inspector #272                                                       WSDA  Licensed Structural Pest Inspector  #69844              http://www.helmhomeinspections.com           HelmHomeInspections@yahoo.com                                                                               

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Ambassador
1,543,749
William Johnson
Retired - La Jolla, CA
Retired Real Estate Professional

Dear David,

I think your post was wonderful and fun to read. I think you should expound on it by adding more words.

Sincerely,
William

 

Jun 18, 2007 05:40 AM #1
Rainmaker
34,847
Jon Mitchell
Classic Property Management - Santa Clarita, CA
Great post David!  It is nice to see some truly funny posts every now and then.  Keep up the great work!
Jun 18, 2007 05:47 AM #2
Rainer
29,441
Linda Sanderson
Coldwell Banker Solano Pacific - Benicia, CA
Thanks for the smiles.  I always enjoy a good sense of humor.
Jun 18, 2007 05:57 AM #3
Rainer
70,128
Pam Hofmann
Third Tennessee Realty & Associates, LLC - Crossville, TN
Your Crossville, Lake Tansi & Fairfield Glade Specialist

COZY   You can stand in the middle of the living room and touch all 4 walls

Jun 18, 2007 05:59 AM #4
Rainmaker
1,553,427
Gary L. Waters Broker Associate, Bucci Realty
Bucci Realty, Inc. - Melbourne, FL
Fifteen Years Experience in Brevard County
I was going to add cozy but Pam added it first. I always love to see "Lots of Potential" which means that anything your buyer does will be an improvement!
Jun 18, 2007 06:22 AM #5
Rainer
21,791
Mitchell Captain
AllSpec Professional Property Inspections Inc - Fort Lauderdale, FL
Home inspections in Broward, Dade, and Palm Beach
Very cute.
Jun 18, 2007 08:08 AM #6
Ambassador
2,031,326
Silvia Dukes PA, Broker Associate, CRS, CIPS, SRES
Tropic Shores Realty - Ich spreche Deutsch! - Spring Hill, FL
Florida Waterfront and Country Club Living
Thanks, for the chuckle!
Jun 18, 2007 08:29 AM #7
Rainer
7,441
Mark Cole
Realty World Executive Group - Orange Park, FL
CRS

TLC- Too Lousy to Classify or Tough Luck Charley

 I hate TLC.....be honest, it is a dump!

Jun 18, 2007 09:05 AM #8
Rainmaker
146,977
Vicki Watzlawick
CORE Realty (The Watz Team) - Algonquin, IL
Illinois Foreclosure Expert, The Watz Team

Spacious - average
Charming - small
Comfortable - very small
Cozy - A broom closet would be bigger
Low maintenance - no lawn
Walk to stores - nowhere to park your car
Prestigious - expensive
Bright and sunny - Venetian blinds not included
Townhouse - former tenement
Modern - 30 to 40 years old
Contemporary - at least 15 years old
Sprawling ranch - inefficient floor plan
Natural setting - forget about planting, the deer will eat everything
Secluded setting - far away
Executive neighborhood - high taxes
Near houses of worship - fanatical denomination next door
Park-like setting - a tree on the block
Unaffected charm - needs painting
Starter home - run down
Hurry! Won't last - about to collapse
And much, much more - nothing else comes to mind

Jun 18, 2007 10:02 AM #9
Rainer
67,462
David Helm
Helm Home Inspections - Bellingham, WA
Bellingham, Wa. Licensed Home Insp

William, Jonathon, Linda  Thanks for stopping by.  A little humor is what I was going for.

Pam, I like your cozy addition

Gary, Mitchell, Sylvia,  Thanks for taking a look

Mark, TLC is also a good addition; and has two definitions!

Jun 18, 2007 10:37 AM #10
Rainer
67,462
David Helm
Helm Home Inspections - Bellingham, WA
Bellingham, Wa. Licensed Home Insp
Vicki, Super group of definitions.  I'm glad to see others finding humor in advertising jargon.
Jun 18, 2007 10:38 AM #11
Rainmaker
1,248,360
Steven L. Smith
King of the House Home Inspection, Inc. - Bellingham, WA
Bellingham WA Home Inspector
I was in the Bellingham Towers, on the 8th floor, a few years ago during that major earthquake we had. When it started shakin' I realized that, in all of Bellingham, it was probably the last place I wanted to be. As it was, it rocked and rolled okay.
Jun 18, 2007 04:48 PM #12
Rainer
67,462
David Helm
Helm Home Inspections - Bellingham, WA
Bellingham, Wa. Licensed Home Insp
Thanks for looking in.
Jun 19, 2007 01:18 AM #13
Rainer
103,150
Angie Vandenbergh
Crye-Leike, Realtors - Memphis, TN
A Crye-Leike Blogger
this is very funny.... thanks for sharing.
Jun 19, 2007 02:59 AM #14
Rainer
9,419
jamie allen
Allen's Pest Inspections - Evansville, IN
David, that is funny!
Jun 22, 2007 02:50 AM #15
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David Helm

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