LOL of the Day Award . . . Goes to the United States Federal Government FTC

By
Industry Observer with RETIRED / State License is Inactive Inactive License Oregon

After reading Wordy C's latest feature blog: Wordy C: Freedom of Speech is not the same as Freedom of the Press

I decided to post some DISCLAIMERS for my fellow Active Rainers to use.

As with my post about Roses, The City of Roses . . . Wordless Wednesday, in pure Portland style . . . I'm leaving the pruning shears out, so you may "cut" ('n paste) at will.

Enjoy!

1) IMPORTANT:  This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive person with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs.  If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.  Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and my be ignored.  No animals were harmed in the transmission of this although the Yorkshire terrier next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you!  Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.  However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer, you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.  If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk briefly and place in warm over for 40 minutes, at 350 F.  Let stand for 2 hours before icing. 

2) General Rebuttal Email Disclaimer: By sending an email to ANY of my addresses you are agreeing that:

  1. I am by definition, "the intended recipient"
  2. All information in the email is mine to do with as I see fit and make such financial profit, political mileage, or good joke as it lends itself to.  In particular, I may quote it or use it on the net.
  3. I may take the contents as representing the views of your company.
  4. This overrides any disclaimer or statement of confidentiality that may be included on your message, to there!

3) General Blogging Disclaimer:  This views in this blog represents the official view of the voices in my head.

4) General TV, DVD, Movie Disclaimer:"All characters and events in this show --even those based on real people-- are entirely fictional. All celebrity voices are impersonated ... poorly. The following program contains coarse language and due to its content it should not be viewed by anyone." SouthPark

5)  General Disclaimer: This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to FTC approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles.

 

 Have time?  Read more LOL of the Day funnies at:  LOL of the Day

Posted by

 

 

Carla Muss-Jacobs has RETIRED effective May 1, 2018

Representing Buyers in the Portland Metro Real Estate Market | Clackamas Multnomah and Washington Counties | Since 1999

Carla Muss-Jacobs, REALTOR®, ABR, CEBA, ePro
Principal Broker/Owner ~~ INACTIVE

Carla Muss-Jacobs' retirement became effective May 1, 2018

Direct: 503-810-7192 

 

All Rights Reserved © 

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Rainmaker
1,557,915
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

It's not the Red Cross . . . it's the American Red Cross.   Some people don't like the "American Red Cross" I guess.

Oct 08, 2009 11:47 AM #4
Rainmaker
376,373
Marney Kirk
Cummings & Co. Realtors - Towson, MD
Towson, Maryland Real Estate

Carla, LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVED it! (Especially the part about the voices in your head. That just made my night!) (Well, and the nutmeg and egg whites). (This post ROCKED! :-) )

Oct 08, 2009 11:49 AM #5
Rainmaker
320,460
Carra & Shae Riley
Brokers Guild Cherry Creek Ltd - Westminster, CO
Helping people Transition at all ages!

Carla,

First I would like to disclose

1. I am by definition, "the intended recipient"

2. All information in the email is mine to do with as I see fit and make such financial profit, political mileage, or good joke as it lends itself to. In particular, I may quote it or use it on the net.

3. I may take the contents as representing the views of your company.

4. This overrides any disclaimer or statement of confidentiality that may be included on your message, to there!

I would like to further disclose that I could actually be making money off of this. If I re-blog to the right people as they will think this post is PRICELESS in respect to the new FTC regulations... Do I need to quantify how much PRICELESS equates to? mmm I guess I am disclosing that I could be making money off it maybe that is enough.

I do intend to personally endorse the content as it makes PERFECT sense and I would be happy for all my friends and neighbors to use this information and hope they can profit too!  I am not sure, but now the re-blog could be considered a ponzi scheme? mmm... jokers to the right of me and jokers to the left (it's a song).. what is a girl to do?

I am concerned at this point that Malcom Gladwell might be in trouble with his "connectors" and their zeal to push products to the "Tipping Point."  That could now be an 11k fine...am I a connector???? I need to make a note of that.. Call Malcom discuss this concept.......

Even though I am concerned Carla, I have the solution according to you!  " by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer, you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets"

I feel so much better now!  Thanks for making Thursday so fun!

Your friend in the Cosmic Cow Pie.

Oct 08, 2009 12:15 PM #6
Rainmaker
1,557,915
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

Hi Marney -- I'm glad I made you LOL!  I hope you've come back to read CARRA RILEY'S re-LOL comments!  She is amazing! 

Hey Carra -- OMIGOSH!  Didn't you read "NOT the Beatles" and you're actually singing (in the Rain), "Jokers to the left . . . " Am I going to be stuck in the middle with you, and Malcom Gladwell!?!  I never thought about being a 'connector' but I think your comment has enlighted me -- and all of us!  Be afraid . . . NOT!!  HA HA HA

Oct 08, 2009 12:23 PM #7
Rainmaker
1,557,915
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

General Disclaimer for your BLOG and FTC

... AND I am NOT endorsing ANY of these businesses . . .

get off my BACK Malcolm Gladwell, FTC!

Oct 08, 2009 12:33 PM #8
Rainmaker
320,460
Carra & Shae Riley
Brokers Guild Cherry Creek Ltd - Westminster, CO
Helping people Transition at all ages!

Carla,

Yes, I WAS singing in the rain!  I was trying to figure out how to embed a song on a comment??? do you know how to do that.. get the html code on comments?  Guess I need to "search" it!  Because I was SOOOO going to do that!

So happy to have added a little more laughter to your day!   Fun is GOOD!

Your friend in the Cosmic Cow Pie.

Oct 08, 2009 01:06 PM #9
Ambassador
3,671,809
Patricia Kennedy
RLAH Real Estate - Washington, DC
Home in the Capital

Carla, I can't think of a more deserving recipient of your award. 

Oct 08, 2009 02:14 PM #10
Rainmaker
1,557,915
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

Hi Carra -- I don't know how to do that in a comment, can barely figure it out on the blogs ;-)  TLW might know ... she puts songs in the comments.

Hey Patricia -- It's like the "Fickle Finger of Fate" award . . . remember that?? 

Oct 08, 2009 02:22 PM #11
Rainmaker
672,707
Candice A. Donofrio
Next Wave RE Investments LLC Bullhead City AZ Commercial RE Broker - Fort Mohave, AZ
928-201-4BHC (4242) call/text

OMG this is BEAUTIFUL! Post and comments! HAHAHAHAHA!

Of course I don't remember the fickle finger of fate. How OLD do you think I am Carla. ROFL ROFL ROFL!

South Park one is the best!!!!

Oct 09, 2009 02:52 AM #12
Rainmaker
1,557,915
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

Hey Candice -- We will both agree that we only know "of" the Fickle Finger of Fate award . . . ha ha ha.  I love me some South Park.

Oct 09, 2009 05:37 AM #13
Rainmaker
672,707
Candice A. Donofrio
Next Wave RE Investments LLC Bullhead City AZ Commercial RE Broker - Fort Mohave, AZ
928-201-4BHC (4242) call/text

Right! We heard of it from our older cousins! Hiii dee hoooooo!

Oct 09, 2009 05:46 AM #14
Rainmaker
1,156,100
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

Brilliant post, Carla.  I need to cut and paste all these disclaimers to put at the bottom of my blog.  I will have to write shorter posts with small font as these disclaimers are going to take up most of the page!

Great job!

Oct 09, 2009 06:27 AM #15
Rainmaker
1,557,915
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

Yes Candice . . . the older cousins.  UR 2 FUNNY!!

Hi Jane -- smaller fonts!  Now why didn't I think of that!  ;-)

Oct 09, 2009 01:23 PM #16
Rainmaker
661,074
JL Boney, III
Coldwell Banker - Columbia, SC
Columbia, SC Real Estate

You can never have enough disclaimers, and even after all of that, someone will still want to sue you.

Oct 09, 2009 03:49 PM #17
Rainmaker
661,074
JL Boney, III
Coldwell Banker - Columbia, SC
Columbia, SC Real Estate

Bgpic11142008103101_lFeatured in M.A.N.C.R.O.W. CONGRATS!

Oct 09, 2009 03:50 PM #18
Ambassador
1,896,191
Hannah Williams
Re/Max Eastern inc. - Philadelphia, PA
Expertise NE Philadelphia & Bucks 215-953-8818

Carla..Very cute...I like it..:0)

Oct 10, 2009 12:26 AM #19
Rainmaker
1,557,915
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

Hannah -- you're welcome!  I liked your airline 1st Class upgrade too!! 

Oct 10, 2009 06:00 AM #20
Rainmaker
596,893
Jim Hale
ACTIONAGENTS.NET - Eugene, OR
Eugene Oregon's Best Home Search Website

Thanks.  I feel much safer now.  Forewarned is certainly forearmed.

Oct 10, 2009 06:57 PM #21
Rainmaker
1,431,110
Gene Riemenschneider
Home Point Real Estate - Brentwood, CA
Turning Houses into Homes

I have been thinking about putting some long and ridiculous disclaimer at the bottom of my signature.  I will also tell people I am open to getting freebies.

Oct 12, 2009 03:38 AM #22
Rainmaker
1,557,915
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

Hi Jim -- Yes, I feel safer too.  I can hide behind words.

Hey Gene -- Feel free to cut 'n paste!  HA HA HA.  A little levity . . .

Oct 12, 2009 03:54 AM #23
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