Signs You've Had Too Much Coffee...

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Buyers' Choice Realty

 

You've worn the finish off your coffee table.

All your kids are named Joe.

Chuck Yeager thinks you need to calm down.

Instant coffee takes too long.

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

People can test their batteries in your ears.

People get dizzy just watching you.

Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

When someone asks 'how are you' you say, 'good to the last drop'.

You buy milk by the barrel.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

You can't even remember your second cup.

You channel surf faster without a remote.

You chew on other people's fingernails.

You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

You don't get mad, you get steamed.

You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.

You don't sweat, you percolate.

You don't tan, you roast.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You have a conniption over spilled milk.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You help your dog chase its tail.

You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.

You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You name your cats Cream and Sugar.

You short out motion detectors.

You ski uphill.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

You speed-walk in your sleep.

You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.

You think being called a drip is a compliment.

You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation.

You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.

Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.

Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.

Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp.

Your Thermos is on wheels.

You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.

You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

 

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Ambassador
530,035
Mirela Monte
Buyers' Choice Realty - North Myrtle Beach, SC
Myrtle Beach Real Estate

OMG, I laughed so hard, I cried!

Oct 27, 2009 04:07 PM #1
Rainer
245,155
Michael O'Donnell
Berkshire Hathaway Home Services Arizona Properties - Scottsdale, AZ
GRI, ePRO, Accessible Homes

Okay, okay, okay....pass the sugar and cream please...okay?  Okay?

 

Is it possible to have too much coffee?  Isn't that an oxymoron?

Oct 27, 2009 04:09 PM #2
Rainmaker
249,434
Heather Chavez
Second Self Virtual Assistance - Caldwell, ID
Real Estate Virtual, Assistant (928) 692-3235

Great post, Mirela.  Made me laugh.  True story: My husband, son and I went to Washington state to visit my father and his family for Thanksgiving a few years ago.  We had to go to Pike's Place in Seattle just so I could take a photo of my husband outside of the very first Starbucks.  We even had to buy a coffee mug that is only sold in that particular store so he could brag to his co-workers that he was there.  He's the coffee drinker.  I've never developed a taste for the stuff.  You have to put too much crap in it to make it taste any good.  I do love the smell, though.

Oct 27, 2009 04:09 PM #3
Ambassador
530,035
Mirela Monte
Buyers' Choice Realty - North Myrtle Beach, SC
Myrtle Beach Real Estate

Michael:  I am so addicted!  This just spoke to me.  A few years ago I cut down to about 3/4 of a pot per day.  I hate to admit to my previous daily dosage...

Heather:  Wow!  I would love to do that!  I'm with your husband on this one: I love Starbucks and all others catering to my Java love and addiction.

Oct 27, 2009 04:14 PM #4
Rainmaker
507,995
Dan Tabit
Keller Williams Bellevue - Sammamish, WA

Hey, I'm from Seattle, I resemble those remarks.

Oct 27, 2009 04:38 PM #5
Rainmaker
1,004,473
Karen Anne Stone
New Home Hunters of Fort Worth and Tarrant County - Fort Worth, TX
Fort Worth Real Estate

Mirela:  If I do not get my coffee first thing in the morning... I will still be sitting there waiting for it by the time noon rolls around.  End of story.

Oct 27, 2009 05:22 PM #7
Rainer
437,789
Terry Chenier
Homelife Glenayre Realty - Mission, BC

Mirela,

Need my coffee in the morning; three cups, them I'm done for the day.

Oct 27, 2009 05:26 PM #8
Rainmaker
285,015
Kathryn Gorham
Green Key Realty - Emerald Isle, NC
Emerald Isle NC Crystal Coast

Mirela, This is your brain on caffeine! I had to give up the java - I liked it better than it liked me.

Oct 27, 2009 10:27 PM #9
Ambassador
1,041,851
Andrea Swiedler
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices New England Properties - New Milford, CT
Realtor, Southern Litchfield County CT

Mirela, LOL, pretty funny. I see some people I know in there! I had to cut back to 2 cups a day. First one is the most special and God help anyone who interrupts the process. I might even post about it. I have a vintage espresso maker, you have to pump the handle to press the water through the grinds. I have the most amazing cup of cappuchino ever. Every day. Second cup is from the coffee shop down the street, not Starbucks. I am not a Starbucks junkie.

Hubby, on the other hand, drinks enough coffee and tea to shoot to the moon. He has been known to fry the beans with a bit of garlic, grind them and make some kicker Turkish Coffee. We have all sorts of coffee makers in this house. And tea? Well, I am sure you know Russians drink tea before they talk, he takes his tea very seriously too. I probably have about 30 teapots and I sneak them out of the house as I can!

Oct 27, 2009 11:22 PM #10
Rainmaker
501,199
Steven Nickens
Elite Pacific Properties Maui - Wailea, HI
R(S)GRI ABR, Maui Real Estate Hawaii

Okay, I am glad I quit drinking coffee a week ago after reading this. I do love the smell of fresh ground coffee

Oct 27, 2009 11:49 PM #11
Rainer
146,688
Caren Wallace
Premier Property Group LLC - Tualatin, OR
Portland Caren Real Estate

Mirela, I love....your eyes stay open when you sneeze....that is a truckload full of coffee!!

Oct 28, 2009 12:54 AM #12
Rainer
269,442
Steve Merson 512 412 1621
Keller Williams Realty - Austin, TX
CNE, e-PRO

Hi Mirela,

Those are hilarious! LOL.  I wonder if you really can keep your eyes open when you sneeze!

 

Steve

Oct 28, 2009 01:25 AM #13
Ambassador
428,985
Rich Cederberg
eXp Realty - Albuquerque, NM
eXp Realty Agent Albuquerque

Ha ha, I'm LOL.

 

When someone asks 'how are you' you say, 'good to the last drop'

 

That has to be my favorite. Thanks for the laugh!

Oct 28, 2009 01:56 AM #14
Rainmaker
1,052,071
Steve Loynd
Alpine Lakes Real Estate Inc., - Lincoln, NH
800-926-5653, White Mountains NH

Mirela...The list was very funny for the first few sentences, but it was killing my coffee buzz so I skipped to the end.

Oct 28, 2009 05:22 AM #15
Rainmaker
1,320,916
Nick T Pappas
Assoc. Broker/Broker ABR, CRS, SFR, e-Pro, @Homes Realty Group, @HomesBirmingham & Providence Property Mgmnt, LLC Hun... - Huntsville, AL
Madison & Huntsville Alabama Real Estate Resource

Mirela, the title caught my attention.  Yes I drink a lot of coffee...morning...noon...night, I think it keeps me normal...well ok, it's my perception of normal...where was I?  Oh yes, normal...Starbucks is not normal...don't like it never have!  Give me Folgers unleaded...after all it's mountain grown or good to the last drop...I don't know...I don't care...I'm off for a coffee break...

Oct 29, 2009 09:12 AM #16
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Mirela Monte

Myrtle Beach Real Estate
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