SPAM-- My Top Ten Favorite Subject Lines

Subject #10:  She'll play your ham violin

Now I wasn't sure what this actually meant, so I Googled "ham violin" and I found the picture to the left.  I don't know why "she" would want to play a ham violin, but I don't have one anyway.  The message must have been intended for somebody else.  Also, I know of no "she" who can play the violin-- especially one shaped like a ham.  I just don't have those kinds of friends. 

I didn't bother opening the email.  Actually, I don't bother to open any of them.  So all I have for you is subject lines...

Subject #9:  Looking for cheap watches?

Uh.  No.  Who wants a cheap watch?  I would rather have no watch.

Subject #8:  A fabulous instrument will give you a fabulous reputation.

Actually, I don't think that's true.  I think you need to learn how to actually play the instrument before you get the reputation.  Since I'm not musically inclined, I ignored this one.

Subject #7:  View Your Complimentary Credit Report

I wonder how they are able to offer credit reports for free?  I should send all of my clients to them and I could save a ton of money on credit pulls.

Subject #6:  Enjoy Sex again! Try our capsules. We also offer female!

I don't even know what that means.  I guess if you no longer enjoy sex for whatever reason, they have magic capsules.  And what do they mean by "we also offer female"?  Once my libido is reinstated with their capsules, they'll send over a "female"?  A female what?

Subject #5:  Endless diamonds on your replica watch.

What in the heck does "endless diamonds" mean?  And why would you want to put them on a replica watch?

Subject #4:  Make her sweaty with ease

I'm sure every woman wants to hear this.  "Honey, I can make you sweaty...with ease."

Subject #3:  Wanna be like me?

A loser?  A spammer?  No, I think not.

Subject #2:  Get your diploma immediately

I feel like such a moron.  I've been going to school for years, wasting thousands upon thousands of dollars...and I could have received my diploma immediately?!?  What kind of scam was my university running?

And finally, numero uno:

Subject #1:  Hello Darling. Can I trust you.

The question is:  Can I trust someone who doesn't know how to use a question mark?  Also, nobody's called me darling since my grandmother passed, so I think I might not really know this person.  I think it might-- just may be-- a trick.

So no Darling.  I don't think we can trust each other. 

I'm so sorry darling.