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The Personal Side of Our Business

By
Real Estate Agent with RE/MAX Professional Realty, Inc.

Today is Thanksgiving day, and as I have been doing for the last 35 years or so, I will go to visit my Mother. This year, we won't be having Thanksgiving dinner at Mom's house, we'll be going to a relatives home and enjoying the feast with the extended family. For all but a handful of my 54 years, Mom put the Thanksgiving feast on the table. The clan converged on that tiny little house and 20 of us would squeeze around the table that was only designed to seat 10. Of course, the kids would sit at the card table in the living room and their mom's would keep an eye on them. I sat at that card table myself when I was a boy.

I lost my Dad in May of this year. My sister and I are trying to help my Mom decide what to do with that tiny house that they lived in since I was 6 months old. Still in the door jambs are the pencil marks that measure our height as my sister and I grew up. Inside of the closet door of the back bedroom is my sister's crayon masterpiece. The outside of that door was repainted a long time ago but no one looks at the inside of the door, right? That cabinet door under the kitchen sink still comes off the hinges when you pull it open. It's done that for over 40 years, since I was a 12 year old running through the kitchen and ripped it off it's hinges because I wasn't watching where I was going.

And there, in the dining room, is that rickety old dining room table, where so many thanksgiving dinners had been served in years past

Is selling a house personal? You betcha it is.

I urge my colleagues to remember their own family histories when they visit their clients. Yes, one must be rational, one must offer the home at a price that will allow the seller to reach what could be a very difficult conclusion. Just do it with tact, love, and sensitivity. It may be a business to you but that house is somebody's living, breathing home. All those little defects don't add any value to my Mom's house but they make that it priceless in her (and my) eyes.

Please, remember where you came from.

Peace.

Show All Comments Sort:
Kathleen Daniels, Probate & Trust Specialist
KD Realty - 408.972.1822 - San Jose, CA
Probate Real Estate Services

Joe - very touching post. Brings back a lot of memories for me ... it's so true ... it's a house to the agent and a home to the sellers. 

Nov 27, 2009 02:56 AM
Stephanie Reynolds
Integrity First Financial Group, Inc. - Santee, CA
East County San Diego Homes 619-838-4408

Joe, I am sorry for the loss of your father, I am sure your mom had a difficult time this year. I am glad you are there to support her. You are so right about the home. It is not just another house for sale. Someone has created long lasting memories in their home, whether they have been there for 3 years or 30. Great reminder for some compassion and understanding in working with our sellers.

Nov 27, 2009 02:59 AM
Kathy Opatka
RE/MAX CROSSROADS - Ocean City, MD
Serving Ocean City, MD, & The Delaware Beaches

Joe,

Please be very supportive of your mom.... this is an extremely trying time for her!

Nov 27, 2009 03:01 AM
Kathy Opatka
RE/MAX CROSSROADS - Ocean City, MD
Serving Ocean City, MD, & The Delaware Beaches

Joe,

Please be very supportive of your mom.... this is an extremely trying time for her!

Nov 27, 2009 03:01 AM
Diane Rogers
Urban Homes & Investments - San Diego, CA
San Diego Residential Real Estate Specialist

Hi Joe - I lost my Mom two years ago.  My Dad int 1995.  I spent the Holiday with my family at my sisters new home!  Wow, you helped me realize that the first Thanksgiving in her home is just the beginning of many happy memories there!  Thanks for helping me see the importance of "home."

Nov 27, 2009 03:18 AM
DeAnne Davidson
REMAX Professionals, Tacoma Washington - Lakewood, WA
GRI, CIAS, SRES - Washington State

I know the feeling.  When  my parents sold their home we kids grew up in, my husband and I thought we could buy it.  We couldn't quite afford market value, so we let it go to an offer of 25,000 higher.  The thought of buying it was more emotional than practical.  Since then, the people changed the exterior to an ugly color and painted the red brick white and let the parklike yard go to....heck.   I don't drive by it anymore.

Nov 27, 2009 03:19 AM
Jenny Durling
L.A. Property Solutions - Los Angeles, CA
For Los Angeles real estate help 213-215-4758

A very touching and well written post.  It's so true that a house is more than just a house. Frequently  it has been someone's home for many, many years and we need to keep that it mind when working with sellers. There are alot of memories and emotions involved.

Nov 27, 2009 03:55 AM
Gina Chirico
Lattimer Realty - Fairfield, NJ
Real Estate Agent - Essex County, New Jersey

Joe, I am extremely touched by your post.  My mom is not well and the little 3 bedroom cape that I grew up in is just not practical for my parents any longer due ot my mom's health condition.  While tossing around the idea to sell the house, my sister and I both feel that if they were selling and moving on to something better than it wouldn't be as depressing and as emotional as them selling because my mom is ill and cannot walk any longer. 

Last year one of my listings (who's husband/father died suddently right before we listed the home) received an offer in the fall.  The buyers wanted to close before Christmas because they obviously wanted to be in the "new" home for Christmas.  My sellers wanted to spend their "last" Christmas in their family home with memories of their husband and father.  It was a good offer and neither side would budge and it was so personal that there was nothing that I could, would or did say to my sellers to change their mind.  I stood firm on a longer closing date and the buyers walked but my sellers spent their last Christmas in their family home with their special memories of Christmas past.  We did end up selling 4 months later and this year they will make new memories in their new home. 

I agree though that many of us get caught up in getting the listing or making the sale that we don't realize how very, very personal the home is  to the homeowners especially if selling due to unfortunate circumstances.    Karen's comment is so true:  "....our clients not only entrust us with their dreams, they also entrust us with their precious memories."  Those memories are, in fact, priceless.

Nov 27, 2009 04:21 AM
Joe Sheehan
RE/MAX Professional Realty, Inc. - Pottstown, PA
ABR, SRES

Thank you everyone for your touching remarks and comments. Apparently I am not the only one who has strong memories of the family home. :)

You are all wonderful and to those who have mentioned that they've recently lost family members, I offer my deepest sympathy to you.

So that I never forget those memories of my family home when I am making those listing presentations or showing homes to buyer clients, I will place a photo snapshot of my home in one of the pockets of my portfolio. Whenever I open the portfolio there it will be to remind me to be gentle and sensitive to those who have invited me to be of service to them.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Peace.

Nov 27, 2009 04:37 AM
Bill Gillhespy
16 Sunview Blvd - Fort Myers Beach, FL
Fort Myers Beach Realtor, Fort Myers Beach Agent - Homes & Condos

Hi Joe,  Thank you for writing this post !  I could not have written it nearly as well even though I also have some very similar memories ( Don't we all ? )  Thanks again for a very nice walk down memory lane !

Nov 27, 2009 05:20 AM
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

What a beautiful post - and what a beautiful reminder to all that they are dealing with real people and real feelings.

Last night I started re-reading Og Mandino's "The Greatest Salesman in the World," and the very first "rule" listed is to greet the day with love in your heart. A good rule to remember when dealing with other people's emotions.

Nov 27, 2009 05:31 AM
Susan Thompson-Solomons
Monument Sotheby's International Realty - Solomons, MD
Southern MD Real Estate-Solomons Specialist

Joe, hope you had a very Happy Thanksgiving. "It's business" - yes it is, but we're handling people's homes - the keyword being "people". Houses are "business" - Homes are layered with a whole other element - "people".

Nov 27, 2009 09:25 AM
Rebecca Fisher
Winter Haven, FL

Selling our home was gut wrenching. Four generations and 80 years of history. It still hurts but we're 1000 miles away.

 

Every house has a story.

Nov 27, 2009 10:12 AM
Emily Lowe
RE/MAX Homes and Estates, Lipman Group - Nashville, TN
Nashville TN Realtor

Touching post.  Selling a home is very personal.  We should all remember that!

Nov 27, 2009 10:38 AM
John Juarez
The Medford Real Estate Team - Fremont, CA
ePRO, SRES, GRI, PMN

Joe,

I appreciated your post filled with reminders of how important our families are to us. I, too, have many memories of Thanksgiving meals shared with family members over the years. Many of them are now gone. They have been replaced: first by a wife, then children, then a son-in-law and, now, grandchildren.

I have great memories. Those memories are now being supplemented by wonderful new memories. The memory bank will never get full. Bring them on!

John Juarez, REALTOR

Windermere Properties of the East Bay

John@CarlMedford.com

510-673-0686

Nov 27, 2009 10:58 AM
Nancy McNamee
Keller Williams Realty - Roseville, CA

Great post!  Thanks for the reminder.  I hope I never become insensitive to people's feelings.

Nov 27, 2009 11:14 AM
John M. Scott
BRE # 01442690, Scott Keys Properties - San Francisco, CA
Broker / Owner San Francisco Bay Area

I am with you Joe. I feel my greatest reward when I have helped a family - whether they are selling the family home or buying a new one. We always become great friends before we're done. And family can mean anything from either the traditional mom and dad and kids to two guys or two women and their dogs.

I went back to Wisconsin a few years ago where I grew up. Both my parents are gone, but I was so looking forward to seeing homes I had lived in as a child 40 and 50 years ago - my Dad was a Methodist minister so we moved around a lot to follow his 'calling'. The home I lived in for the last two years of high school was just not there - it was an empty lot. A friend recently sent me some photos of it - it had been moved out to the country.

My absolutely favorite house in Northern Wisconsin was on a HUGE lot - you could play football, and it backed up to a wonderfull forest that I spent hours exploring. We even made maple syrup from the sap of the trees. Imagine my surprise when we rounded the corner.....and saw......a parking lot for the nearby hospital. Yep. they paved paradise and put up a parking lot!

Nov 27, 2009 11:58 AM
Mike Henderson
Your complete source for buying HUD homes - Littleton, CO
HUD Home Hub - 303-949-5848

Warm thoughts and I hope you had a great thankgiving.

Nov 27, 2009 02:05 PM
Ceci Burklow
Pride of Texas Real Estate - Austin, TX

Joe - thank you for sharing your heart and your personal side with us.  You are blessed to have this wonderful legacy of memories of family and home!

I especially liked how you worded the last paragraph and while I hope that I have been mindful in the past, I'll think of your post and try even harder in the future.

Peace and Blessings to all ~ Ceci

Nov 28, 2009 07:41 AM
Dana Devine
Charles Rutenberg Realty - Apollo Beach, FL

very touching...your house, moms house, relatives house....the out house....savor the moments with mom...mind passed the week b/4 Thanksgiving

Dec 10, 2009 11:57 PM