Diary of a Snow Shoveler --- Funniest Thing You Will Read This Season

Reblogger Chuck Capan
Real Estate Agent with REMAX River Cities

 

Original content by Rick Cordisco RB 066506

I was sent this two Christmas' ago by an old buddy. I laughed so hard I couldn't get rid of it so I saved it to share every Christmas Season with everyone! Enjoy!

Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - North East
 
December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat  for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!
 
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!
 
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
 
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
 
December 15

20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.
 
December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
 
December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
 
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
 
December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white   shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy.  I think the asshole is lying.
 
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.
 
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
 
December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
 
December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
 
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
 
December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
 
December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard.   How dumb does he think I am?
 
December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.
 
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.
 
January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?  

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Rainer
69,343
Christa LaFarlette (la-far-let)
Your Choice Real Estate - Orange Park, FL

My husband and I laughed so hard!  This is perfect---thanks!

Dec 18, 2009 01:39 PM #1
Rainmaker
507,233
Dan Tabit
Keller Williams Bellevue - Sammamish, WA

Too funny.  My wife is from cold country where people have to shovel and occasionally says she wants to move back.  I'll stay in the Northwest where we get some snow occasionally, but it never lasts long.

Dec 18, 2009 01:40 PM #2
Rainmaker
215,790
Wayne and Lynda Gomillion
Real Living Hagan Realtors | Pinehurst ~ Southern Pines, NC - Pinehurst, NC

Makes us grateful to live in Pinehurst, NC.

Cheers!

PinehurstHomeTeam.com

Dec 18, 2009 01:43 PM #3
Rainmaker
278,265
Franklin & Brentwood, TN Homes Mike Nastri
Keller Williams Realty - Franklin, TN
It matters to us as much as it matters to you.

I sure miss the snow, but here is a snow scene on my Christmas card, how beautiful, okay, I put it away, that's enough snow for this year.

Dec 18, 2009 01:50 PM #4
Rainer
6,055
Michael L . Miller
Keller Williams Executives Realtl, LLC - Aurora, CO

This is one of the funniest things that I've read. Thanks.

Dec 18, 2009 02:03 PM #5
Rainer
78,096
Bill Saunders, Realtor®
Meyers Realty - Hot Springs, AR
www.BillSellsHotSprings.com

Hi Chuck,

Thanks so much for posting this. It is hilarious.

Dec 20, 2009 01:33 PM #6
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Rainmaker
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Chuck Capan

REALTOR Licensed In IL. - Moline Homes Quad Citie
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