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I HATE YOUR GUTS BUT I'M STICKING WITH YOU

By Robin Basichis

Real Estate Agent with Rosen Company West/Diversified Real Estate Consultants L.L.C

December 20, 2009 07:25 AM

The past year has not been kind to divorce lawyers. Divorce is down 4% nationally. Things are different now. The drop in housing prices combined with a declining economy is making couples who would normally part ways stay the course and stick to their vows of death till us part.

So many couples are underwater on equity in their homes that they can't sell - split the money - part ways and start their lives anew. If they bought the house jointly and one spouse decides to abandon ship the house could go into default their credit gets creamed for five years.

In so many cases homes have turned from sound investments into a toxic assets. The cost of living has gone up. Unemployment is on the rise - and because of this bad economy many people who hate each others guts are choosing to stay together because there is no money to split up and no money left for alimony and child support once all the bills are paid.

During my parents time which was after WW11 people who couldn't stand each, and there were lots of them, stayed together for all kinds of reasons. One big reason was economic. A lot of women didn't work, my mother included, and there weren't as many opportunities for women in the work place like there are now. If a husband left his wife back in the 50's without any money she would likely have to struggle just to survive. If she was taking care of the kids the ante went up.

I wonder what is going to happen after the dust settles. If the economy and the housing market continue to decline for a couple of more years and take their sweet time coming back how are married people who wanted to part ways a long time ago going to stem the tide? Maybe they'll find a way to work things out. Maybe not. Will the floodgates open for divorce filings once the economy begins to swing the other way?

I guess the divorce lawyers will be waiting on the sidelines biting their nails and watching the scoreboard until the game changes.

If you or somebody you know is caught in a bad domestic situation please contact me about doing a Loan Modification or a Short Sale.

ROBIN BASICHIS - CBC PROPERTY SOLUTIONS

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Karen Fiddler, Broker/Owner

Karen Parsons-Fiddler, Broker 949-510-2395 - Mission Viejo, CA

Orange County & Lake Arrowhead, CA (949)510-2395

Are we sure that's WHY people are staying together? I wonder if some are realizing that material things, money, jobs etc are not sustaining and lasting. Perhaps there is a new found appreciation for family? Just hoping?

Dec 21, 2009 01:56 AM

Debbie Rumsey

HomeSmart Realty West, Carlsbad, CA - Encinitas, CA

Realtor, Green, SFR

Like my husband says, "It's cheaper to keep her!" I like his motto and have to remind him of that at times.....

Seriously, if lack of money is keeping couples together it may be a good thing. It is so easy to walk away from a marriage without making an effort to make it work anymore. Maybe I am old fashioned because I believe when you make a commitment you make every effort to keep it!

Dec 21, 2009 02:35 AM

Margaret Mitchell

Coldwell Banker Yorke Realty - York, ME

Seacoast Maine & NH Real Estate

Sometimes adversity makes people pull together. This little tidbit of info is counterintuitive. you would think financial stress is more likely to split people up, than keep them together.

Dec 21, 2009 02:56 AM

Ty Lacroix

Envelope Real Estate Brokerage Inc - London, ON

I heard that because of business being slow for divorce lawyers, they have tried to get a liscence to sell real estate, but couldn't pass the tests and for those who did, violated the ethics code.

Dec 21, 2009 03:17 AM

Dianne Hicks

Realty ONE Group - Poway, CA

Not sure if there is any relationship. Maybe it is true or maybe people realize what is important and someone has stood by their spouse through hard times which in turn makes for appreciation and admiration. You never know.

Dec 21, 2009 03:49 AM

Sarah Pearce

eXp Realty LLC - Wiscasset, ME

Funny post, Robin. Thats part of the reason I became an agent...to be able to stand on my own 2 feet! I don't see that affect in this market, most couples both work and the wife usually either government or retail and those jobs are secure.

Dec 21, 2009 03:58 AM

Scott Taylor

Realty Center - Orlando - Ocoee - Orlando, FL

REALTOR

Surprising, I would have thought divorce would be way up in tough economic times. Maybe the couples can't afford to heat thier houses and are forced to snuggle together, just a thought.

Dec 21, 2009 04:30 AM

Donne Knudsen

Los Angeles & Ventura Counties in CA - Simi Valley, CA

CalState Realty Services

Robin - I know of a couple in that exact situation. Earlier this year, one of them filed for divorce but because the other couldn't afford to leave the house and support two households, the two continued to live in the same house during the divorce (they both make about the same in income).

The divorce will be final soon and hopefully by then they will be able to physically separate and establish two households. Not sure though but one thing is for certain, in a situation like this, your priority and your primary goals become really clear and all the rest of the "stuff" is not important enough to worry about and/or in this case, fight about.

Dec 21, 2009 04:49 AM

Bill Gillhespy

16 Sunview Blvd - Fort Myers Beach, FL

Fort Myers Beach Realtor, Fort Myers Beach Agent - Homes & Condos

Funny to think that this current economy just might teach us something about how/why we split/stick it out ! Hope your Holiday Season is the best ever !

Dec 21, 2009 05:43 AM

Robin Basichis

Rosen Company West/Diversified Real Estate Consultants L.L.C - Las Vegas, NV

Most people in Las Vegas who bought between 2003 and 2007 are underwater with their mortgages - not to mention all the people who refinanced during that period. I guess what I am seeing is not happening all over the country, but it's sure happening here.

Dec 21, 2009 06:21 AM

Charlie Gantz

Keller Williams Commercial, Tampa Bay - Saint Petersburg, FL

J.D., M.B.A.

Interesting post although I disagree with the premise. According to a study by Betsey Stevenson, which study also appeared in The Journal of Economic Perspectives the divorce rate has actually been falling steadily for the last 30 years, beginning in 1980, and continuing through two recessions in the 1980s, one in the 1990s, one early recession in the 2000s and our current deeper recession. Both continuing downward trends considered the number of divorces per 1000 people and also the number of divorces per 1000 married couples. Thus, any observed local decrease in divorces is neither a concern to domestic relations attorneys, nor a hope that any particular factor has made the bonds of matrimony any more secure. Charlie Gantz, Greenwood, IN; J.D., M.B.A.; Co-owner/Principal Broker, Atlas Commercial Real Estate, LLC

Dec 21, 2009 08:33 AM

Jennifer Kirby

Kirby Fine Homes - Minneapolis, MN

The Luxury Agent

Sadly many people don't take the time to figure out the reason they are having trouble, instead, they go the easy route of divorce. Divorce hits couples so hard financially that is some cases, it is just better to stay married for the time being.

Dec 21, 2009 09:09 AM

Anonymous

Amanda Alligood

It's only sad that people are struggling to keep their houses and find money to eat. The benefit, in my opinion, is that our country may revert to a more humble time. I find it disturbing how we have become so invested in immediate gratification, it sets everyone up for disappointment and unhappiness because life is not perfect. Husbands and wives should take time to work it out and remember why they got married in the first place. Then maybe the children of the country will stand a better chance.

On a lighter note, happy holidays everyone :)

Dec 21, 2009 10:48 PM

#39

Lyn Sims

Schaumburg, IL

Real Estate Broker Retired

Didn't know divorce lawyers could be slow? Well, IMHO staying together 'for the house and toxic assets' is not a good reason. Short sale it and then move on. Boy, this is a different perspective isn't it?

Dec 22, 2009 03:05 AM

Gene Riemenschneider

Home Point Real Estate - Brentwood, CA

Turning Houses into Homes

The grass may look greener on the other side, but you still have to mow it. Divorce is way to easy.

Dec 22, 2009 03:49 AM

Robin Basichis

Rosen Company West/Diversified Real Estate Consultants L.L.C - Las Vegas, NV

I work within an accounting firm doing Loan Modifications and Short Sales for people from all walks of life and what I wrote about in this essay regarding people staying together for financial reasons is someting I am witnessing in real time as I observe the acutal parties and players involved. This information comes from my personal experience and is not heresay or regurgitation. Husbands and Wives often express to me either in confidence or outright blatantly that if they had the kind of equity in their homes that they once had - and if they hadn't made the mistake of using their property as an ATM machine, like so many of us did - they'd sell that house in a heartbeat - split up the money and go their sperate ways. I am hearing this stuff first hand all of the time. Whatever moral ground you may choose to take about divorce and seperations doesn't change the reality that I am experiencing in Las Vegas. Property values have dropped in many cases to less than half. If couples are not well off and the home is their primary investment it may very likely be gone with the wind, along with their immediate options for life changes. I don't profess to know enough to argue one way or the other about the virutes or pitfalls of Divorce - I'm just the messenger reporting to you the facts of my experience here in Las Vegas which is one of the foreclosure capitals of the nation. I am sure that other places are different - but this is Vegas, and Vegas is a gambling town. Here is a place where people take risks and often loose their shirts in the process.

Dec 22, 2009 07:36 AM

DEBORAH STONE

Balboa Real Estate San Diego, CA - San Diego, CA

The instituiton of "marriage" has always been an economic union.

Somewhere along the way and most likely in the latter half of the 20th century, romance got tied up into it. There is alot of disallusionment today of the commitment and hard work that marriage requires. It has always been a fact that in tough economic times, people stay together. Poor people can't afford to get divorced.

More couples are staying together for financial reasons.Whether or not this is good or bad is not the subject of this post, but a fact that economic conditions in this country in the past 5+ years have reduced the wealth of many families. Staying in an untenable union is just one more fallout from the housing crisis.