This is a post I put up a long, long, time ago. With so much talk of Crystal Balls and predicting the future, whether it be the housing market, or the state of the Union with new presidency, I thought it might have some relevance in today's market.
In keeping with the times and the new requirements being placed upon real estate agents, there will be a new designation offered in 2010. The new designation will carry the initials C.R.E.M.
This is the acronym for Certified Real Estate Mystic. Since we are called upon so frequently to accurately predict the selling price of homes, or the amount of discounting a seller or bank will do for a buyer, it is only appropriate that we be trained in the proper arts and tools to do this job effectively. The class will be considered but not necessarily recognized by our real estate associations as the requisite training consists of hands on use and familiarity with crystal balls, Ouija boards, dart boards and a magic 8 ball. All classes will be taught by recognized experts in their fields.
There will be a session devoted to the proper use of the magic 8 ball. Pertinent to it's use is the understanding that questions must be presented so that answers can be shown on 3/4" square plastic tabs, visible through the mystic opening at the bottom of the ball. Proper wrist roll techniques will be thoroughly demonstrated and offered for both right and left-handed agents.
The session on the dart board will be offered right after the magic 8 ball. This session requires the class be paired in teams similar to many real estate groupings. The dart boards will be set up with house values for appropriate home styles, and 3 darts will be used to obtain the selling or buying price. This is a technique already used by many appraisers, and was a mandated class with the introduction of HVAC to the industry. Additional dart throws will be allowed to determine value of concessions for inspections.
Boards will be available also for commercial sales agents.
The session on Ouija Board will also be a paired session as it requires coordination of two minds working towards an objective. As with the magic 8 ball, it is strongly suggested that questions be kept simple so as to not confuse the occult spirits.
With the board, questions can be presented for value of home features, but the nature of the transaction must be defined before the board is consulted. The board will recognize the price disparity between sellers and buyers and make appropriate changes.
In the case of Dual Agency, each side must be completed before the board can be cleared. After all, even the spirits cannot be asked to resolve a severe challenge without assistance.
The final session and probably most difficult will be the use of a crystal ball. This tool is most often called on for answers and is used most frequently by untrained agents.
The use of this tool requires a proper location, with enough seating for all the parties to a transaction. Specifically, the buyers and their relatives, friends with limited real estate or building knowledge, ex-neighbors that asked to be invited along and of course the loan officer. Questions must be precisely presented and all participants, with the exception of the realtor/mystic must hold hands. A session with the crystal ball will require a minimum of 90 minutes which should allow for adequate time to discuss the property and maybe even fill out an offer.
Any of the aids being taught can also be used with a computer, should the agent feel the need to fall back on antiquated technology such as searching for comparbles, etc.
New Real Estate Designation . . . C. R. E. M.