How Much of Your Life is YOURS????

Education & Training with Advantage Solutions Group

Or does the way your life looks depend on the economy? The acceptance and expectations of others? Or the needs of others? Whew....we don't live in a rarefied existence where we are oblivious to and unaffected by the rest of the world....and yet, the happiest people have learned how to accept all this AND live a life that is 100% theirs!

As I work with coaching clients, the question of "what % of their life is theirs?" is one of the questions on my initial welcome package. Rarely do I see and response of 100%. It also seems the lower the percentage, the more stress that person is feeling. I know one of the causes of stress is the feeling of helplessness about things we have no control over. We all have situations and circumstances in our lives we can't control. It's how we perceive them that causes the stress or not.

I also have found when I work with people about creating goals, there are often goals that aren't really theirs, but expectations of others-their manager, or spouse, or parents. We often are trying to live up to other's expectations of us or our own that were, perhaps, created long ago and no longer hold any juice for us. It is OK to let go of these goals and it doesn't mean you are a failure!

So, my question for you today is "How much of your life is yours?"

Ask yourself these questions:

  • What goals do I have that I am not passionate about?
  • Who else expects me to work on that goal?
  • Why do I need to hold onto this goal?
  • What's the worst that could happen if I let go of this goal?
  • What daily activities do I do because someone else wants me to (and I don't)?
  • What circumstances are in my life right now that keep me from doing what I want?
  • What people keep sucking my time and energy so I can't do what I want?

Now, if you've been reading the last couple of weeks, you'll recognize the recent topics are closely related:

You ARE like those you hang out with...Is it time to upgrade?
Being The Person Who Has the most energy to give....

One blog comment when these were posted asked if that meant we shouldn't do housework, etc., if we were not passionate about it.

The real truth is that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING! NOTHING!!!! You don't have to get out of bed, go to work, make money, do the dishes.....none of it. Everything you do is YOUR choice. Now, that doesn't mean there aren't consequences to not doing certain things, but in the end, it is ALL your choice each day. Tasks can be delegated. They can be dropped altogether. They can be changed so they are joyful.

Start by answering the questions above. Recognizing where you feel you don't have any choice is the first step to either owning that you do have a choice or coming up with a way to let go of the goal, task, responsibility. Sometimes, we just need to accept situations and quit resisting and wishing they were different. Accepting what "is" allows you to get on with it instead of being stuck and in victim mode. From there you can create an experience that is happier. I think of Viktor Frankl and this story in Man's Search For Meaning: to be in a concentration camp and still be able to call his life his own! If you have never read his is an amazing true story of one man's triumph over his circumstances!

Then, after you discover where you are giving away your are free to choose to continue to feel disempowered, to make a request, change or a shift or you could decide to accept that it is the way it is. If you feel stuck in moving through this, get a coach to help you see what you don't see or help you examine your choices. The cool thing is...we ALWAYS Have choices! Make some good ones!

Have a Marvelous Week! It IS up to you!!!!!



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Comments (5)

Carra Riley & Declan Kenyon
Brokers Guild Cherry Creek Ltd - Westminster, CO
Helping people Transition at all ages!


You are so right.  Every morning we have a CHOICE of how we embrace the day.  It reminds me of the story of a blind man who was going to have to move to a retirement home. He got up dressed and was ready to leave.  When the new room was described to him he was elated.  The new caregiver was shocked at how happy he was and asked "you can't even see this place how is it that you are overjoyed at your new environment?" He answered "Everyday I have a choice of how I am going to process things that come my way and you have explained to me my new home and I made a choice to love it no matter what."

You have given us some ideas above to help us have the right attitude to embrace the day and get the most out of it!

Featured in Cosmic Cow Pie

Cosmic Cow

Feb 16, 2010 02:39 PM
Brian Madigan
RE/MAX West Realty Inc., Brokerage (Toronto) - Toronto, ON
LL.B., Broker



You raise some very good points. No one wants to hang out with negative people. And, neutral is not that much better.



Feb 16, 2010 11:05 PM
Cherise Selley
Selley Group Real Estate, LLC - Colorado Springs, CO
Colorado Springs Realtor

Joeann...I appreciate your thoughts...When i am most empowered is when i'm most surrendered to God...Cherise

Feb 16, 2010 11:46 PM
Joeann Fossland
Advantage Solutions Group - Tucson, AZ
Master Certified Coach to Motivated Agents

Carra Thanks for coming by and featuring this in your group! YOU ROCK!!! Thanks for helping people avoid those Cosmic Cow Pies!

Brian  Yep...I like inspiring people!

Cherise Surrendering and handing over the things we can't change sure makes life less stressful! Thanks for coming by

Feb 16, 2010 11:51 PM
Jessica Steele
Welcome Home Realty - Surprise, AZ

How very inspirational and uplifting. I feel like I had this very conversation with a group of 14-15 year old females Friday afternoon, as we discussed how we can take what we perceive as our current "problems" and make them things to be thankful for. I subscribed to your blog and I am very excited to see the inspiration to come from you!

Feb 20, 2010 11:17 AM