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Why let them control you

By
Real Estate Agent with YourStories Realty Group MA# 9517963

 

For me this month is whizzing by a little too quickly, but I know time is a constant I am the variable.  I have been wondering recently about how others can affect my performance and why I let them.  I am the kind of worker who rolls up the sleeves and gets things done.  I focus not just on my own work, but the work of those around me just looking for a way to add value to my colleagues.  As you might realize this help makes me popular and a “go to” when there are issues.  Since I have taken this roll throughout my career, it is no surprise I am doing it now.  I like helping, my problem is when my efforts are expected, unappreciated and without compensation of any sort.  I don’t need to be paid for every thing I help with, that is not why I reach out on a daily basis, but I do need to be not abused by the situation.

As I work to get my new career humming I have lost a considerable amount of time pulling along others.  I realize as I get to the end of the month, the goals of others I have assisted them to  reach are almost as long, sometimes even longer than the goals I have achieved for myself.  This is wrong. I was told that real estate people and agents in particular are always focused solely on themselves.  I have found this to be mostly true, our work is hard and demands a thick skin, but I have also found that many agents are willing to share what they can to help.  I like to focus on these people and share back.  This is a best practice in life I have gotten to embrace.

When there are issues in your office that affect your performance, what do you do?  I don’t want to be on the attack mode, I really just want to focus on what I need to do and grow with those tasks completed.  I am letting some people go because they have given nothing while taking everything.  It is against my personal nature to do this, but I must so that I can be successful in the ways I have mapped out for myself.  I know when I control my own activities in a day I can complete what I have set out to do.  When I allow others to affect my day either through their acts of selfish personal agenda, lack of memory of what they promised, manipulating a truth to their own advantage, or just plain negligence I need to move on from them.  I will put my own agenda first; maybe I am really becoming the agent I heard about.  Not.

I want to personally thank Nyssa Smith and David Mansour for reaching out to me to help this week.  Your counsel and support has meant a great deal to me.

Posted by

Larry Lawfer, Realtor®YourStories Realty, It's all about you,

Larry Lawfer

Partner

Realtor®, Director of Marketing

YourStories Realty Group powered by Castles Unlimited®

837 Beacon St

Newton, MA 02459

larry@yourstoriesrealty.com, 617-774-8292

Nyssa Smith
Keller Williams Advantage Realty - State College, PA
REALTOR, State College Area Real Estate

Good morning Larry!  Glad you were able to make it on the Mastermind call yesterday!  Thanks for your contribution!  ~Nyssa

Apr 24, 2010 05:06 AM
Karen Fiddler, Broker/Owner
Karen Parsons-Fiddler, Broker 949-510-2395 - Mission Viejo, CA
Orange County & Lake Arrowhead, CA (949)510-2395

Hi Larry....your struggle really came through in that post, I could feel it and it was so touching. You are obviously sorting through the maze, but you are doing it. Good for you! I know that whatever decisions you make, they will be the right ones. Have a great weeekend.

Apr 24, 2010 05:46 AM
Jana Holmstrup
Jana Holmstrup - CCO - Kings Mortgage Services, Inc. - Visalia, CA
Wow I kept looking for a photo of myself in this post. I am the one who knows how to do eveything, can fix anything, I am the "go to" girl - I am the momma. I hired an assistant about nine months ago to help me get MY work done. Taught her everything and now I see her running around helping everyone jumping from 'need' to 'need'. I have created a mini-me! So how do you say 'no'?
Apr 24, 2010 06:05 AM
Anonymous
Julie Yonan, CRP, GMS

Larry, couldn't agree more.  Bravo to us all when we make the decision to let the "takers" go so we can proceed on our positive path! 

Apr 24, 2010 07:20 AM
#11
Sheila Anderson
Referral Group Incorporated - East Brunswick, NJ
The Real Estate Whisperer Who Listens 732-715-1133

Larry, I get it. It's tough in business as in life to give and not even be affirmed. Every once in awhile though when you least expect it someone you hardly know comes through and that is magic.

Apr 24, 2010 07:53 AM
Dan Tabit
Keller Williams Bellevue - Sammamish, WA

Larry, Being the "go to guy" has rewards, but this opens you to potential abuse.  If others truly respect and appreciate your assistance they will understand when you have to say, "I'd love to help, but I'm focused on other priorities right now."  Boundaries can create freedom and actually enhance your reputation.

Apr 24, 2010 08:01 AM
Lyn Sims
Schaumburg, IL
Real Estate Broker Retired

David seems like a great guy, glad he helped you this week.  We are similar in personality traits and I have finally put my foot down over the last few years on who, whom & why I will help.  I had to laugh while reading your post, because as you are 'helping' others, they are out selling things & what are you doing? That's right, helping but not selling.  You help others with their computer while they are taking a buyer call - where's your buyer call? Oh, you can't take one because you are helping them! I hope this doesn't sound selfish, but you have to think about you first.  I have totally pulled back over the last few years and have even stayed home with my dog instead of going into the office. I find my dog is a more postive experience then some of the pin heads in my office environment.

It is against a chromosome in my being to do these things (not help) but I have to in order for 'Lyn' to survive. It will get easier and you will finally get to know your real friends from the takers that are now so close to you.  It's a hard life lesson to learn.

Apr 24, 2010 08:19 AM
Gene Riemenschneider
Home Point Real Estate - Brentwood, CA
Turning Houses into Homes

People have to want to help themselves before someone else can really help them. 

Apr 24, 2010 09:09 AM
Dawn A Fabiszak
Private Label Realty ( Denver metro area, Colorado - Aurora, CO
The Dawn of a New Real Estate Experience!

Larry, Sometimes life is just not level with the givers and the takers.  By cleaning the  slate, hopefully you will feel more respected and not so taken advantage.  It always makes me feel good when I can help someone, but when my time is taken advantage of, the line needs to be drawn.  Good luck with things!

Apr 24, 2010 09:41 AM
Gary Pike
Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate Metro Brokers - Powder Springs, GA

When I first read your post I was thinking corporate America has arrived to real estate.  Great post.

Apr 24, 2010 11:37 AM
Kay Van Kampen
RE/MAX Broker, RE/MAX - Springfield, MO
Realtor®, Springfield Mo Real Estate

I read your post twice just to make sure you weren't talking about me.  After opening the new office 6 years ago I realized that I was helping everyone else, but not getting my own work done.  I'd work until 8:00 - 9:00 every night.  I also realized my own business was going down hill fast.

Today, I start demanding to be left alone at certain hours of the day.  I have to focus on my own business to make sure the doors stay open, along with praising other realtors and encouraging them to improve their own business.  It's a day by day progress.

Good luck with your endeavors.

Apr 24, 2010 02:21 PM
Aaron Silverman
SuccessfulRental.com, Bluewater Property Management, LLC and Lowcountry Turnkey Properties, LLC - Charleston, SC
Improving Real Estate Experience through Education

All relationships need give and take and mutually benefit both parties over time.  Cut people loose who only take, but I recommend talking with them first.  Maybe they do not realize it. 

Apr 24, 2010 02:37 PM
Margaret Mitchell
Coldwell Banker Yorke Realty - York, ME
Seacoast Maine & NH Real Estate

You know, Larry, I have been grappling with this issue.  It does seem to be endemic to this industry.  I have not yet found my solution but you have given me something to think about.

Apr 24, 2010 11:12 PM
Malcolm Johnston
Century 21 Lanthorn Real Estate LTD., Trenton, Ontario - Trenton, ON
Trenton Real Estate
Larry, there is a bit of a "sink or swim" culture in this industry, and a lot of successful agents still talk about their early years and how they started with nothing and didn't get any help, etc. etc., so they tend to be very selfish. The problem is that now with the new way of doing business (internet), these same agents do need help from savvy guys like you, however, they are blind to the importance of what you are doing. When they realize, it will be too late. If there is little reciprocation, then you really are not part of a "team". Do not allow the help you give to "business partners" come before your own work any more.
Apr 25, 2010 04:01 AM
Ty Lacroix
Envelope Real Estate Brokerage Inc - London, ON

Larry

Helping others is great but when the burden is on you, perhaps it is time to step back and rethink what you are wanting to achieve. First are you true to yourself and your family in providing time, stability and finances? If yes to all three, then being altruistic is fine.

Ty

 

Apr 25, 2010 04:50 AM
Kathy Opatka
RE/MAX CROSSROADS - Ocean City, MD
Serving Ocean City, MD, & The Delaware Beaches

You'll soon discover that there are people in the office who want YOU to do their work for them....ALWAYS!  We had such a man in my previous office.  He didn't even HAVE A CHECKBOOK!  The secretary opened an account for him, wrote his checks and even signed them!!!   THE NEW SECRETARY WON'T do any of that!  He won't learn to use a computer... he just wants everyone to do the work for him!  The Agents now say "NO" and go about doing their own work.  If you happen to be doing a deal with him, YOU will be doing all the work!  But he still gets the commission!

Apr 25, 2010 05:13 AM
Larry Lawfer
YourStories Realty Group - Newton, MA
"I listen for a living." It's all about you.

There are so many reasons to be open and helpful as a first order of business.  It is also necessary to assess and re-assess the relationships.  When your share is never acknowledged, appreciated, or compensated in some manner or another it is time to make a change in that relationship.  Thanks for posting, I know I am not alone in this issue.

Apr 25, 2010 06:55 AM
Coleen DeGroff
Coldwell Banker M.M. Parrish Realtors - Gainesville, FL
Haile Plantation Real Estate - Gainesville FL

Hi Larry - "NO" is a very important word to keep us sane.  Helping others is one thing.....getting sucked into their vortex of limitless need is quite another.  Sounds like you are learning to find that balance....good for you!  :)

Apr 25, 2010 07:19 AM
Joetta Fort
The DiGiorgio Group - Arvada, CO
Independent Broker, Homes Denver to Boulder

It seems like you've hit on something here and many agents have the same struggle. It's cool that your learning how to deal with it, and sharing as you learn, will be giving the help that you enjoy giving. In conclusion I say, thanks for your post - I always learn something new from AR blogs!

Apr 25, 2010 09:31 AM
Larry Lawfer
YourStories Realty Group - Newton, MA
"I listen for a living." It's all about you.

When faced with a problem, as we are everyday in our industry, I always first try to remember what my goal is.  My goal is always to close every deal I can, not fight with someone, act like I know more, go silent or any other non productive reaction. It is all about keeping focused on what you really want, I think

Apr 28, 2010 08:39 AM