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Incivility Damaging Our Workplace Relationships

By
Real Estate Agent with Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899

textingChristine Pearson with the New York Times published an interesting article concerning the revelations they unearthed through a study of data gathered on more than 9,000 managers and workers across the United States.  Christine defines incivility as behavior, seemingly inconsequential to the doer, that others perceive as inconsiderate.

This morning I witnessed 2 colleagues having breakfast and observed the younger colleague spending most of his time texting and emailing.  The older gentleman tried to initialize conversation several times while his colleague rudely made no eye contact and continued directing his attention to his electronic device.  Clearly the older gentleman was annoyed and most likely feeling snubbed!  As Christine stated this kind of offense can take on a new edge when the winner is a machine!

Many will view you as inconsiderate if you ignore your colleagues while jabbering on the cell phone, keeping others waiting for an appointment while you check your email or send something electronically that should be delivered in person.

I have an agent in our office that I respect and like personally very much.  However, whenever she rides with me on propery tour she uses it as a chance to make all her phone calls while the rest of us are trying to enjoy some bonding time!  It forces us to tone our voices down and inhibits our conversation because we are forced to listen to her conversation.  I now try not to have her ride in my car as the disruption is irritating!

Colleagues interpret these snubs as: "You are less important to me than my cell phone."  In Christine's research she found when employees behave in a rude way, retribution may take place.  Those snubbed may withhold information - for example, by "forgetting" to include the offender's name on a final product.  Or they might see to it that he or she ends up with a less desirable task next time.  Or they may refuse to work with that person again.

We all are guilty at one time or another for being inconsiderate with our electronic devices.  We all need to keep our own use of electronic devices at a minimum when interacting with others.  If you an urgent need to use one, let the others know.conversation

If you are on the receiving end of an electronic disappearing act and want face-to-face attention, politely ask for it.  Setting an example can't hurt and may be the best way to get the one-on-one interaction we all like to engage in for meaningful relationships.

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Comments(104)

Jeff Harris
Austin, TX
Selling Austin. Every Day

Hi Dorie great post.   Great point about making those in your presence feel important.  Why not prioritize the warm body in front of you instead of a distant voice or text at another location.  We all need to stay connected--to the people in the room with us!

May 25, 2010 03:52 AM
Shanna Hall
Real Estate Solutions - Kirkwood, MO
I love selling houses!!!St. Louis, MO 314-703-1311

Dorie- my feeling is that I always answer calls even if it is to ask if I can callthem back at a more appriopriate time.  I think the poeple around me always apprieciate that.  or soetimes I won't take the callandd send a short text letting them know when I will be able to call themback.

May 25, 2010 04:18 AM
Melanie Hedrick
Elite Texas Properties, the best homes from McKinney to Dallas! - McKinney, TX
972-816-7205

I agree with #64.  Additionally, I don't like impolite behavior, but I'm more tolerant of it when it seems to be inflicted unintentionally.  There's a learning curve for good behavior that we all need to figure out when it comes to the rapidly changing way electronics allow us to communicate.  However, the old-fashioned kind of blatant rudeness, shockingly even found in posts or comments, is something I've never understood.  Good reminders like your post here are really helpful in finding a balance that is acceptable to most everyone.

May 25, 2010 05:06 AM
Earlene Myers
Fleming Island, FL
Your Client Connection

Dorrie - This behavior is not only damaging workplace relationships; it is damaging our society as a whole.  I get really hyped up when people cannot give their full attention to people that they are sharing time with (whether it is a meeting, lunch, or whatever).  It is not entirely the younger generation's fault for displaying such rude behavior; what really bugs me is when parents talk on their phone while supposedly spending time with their children at parks, zoos, etc.  . . . "monkey see ~ monkey do!"

Can you tell I get a little riled on this subject??  LOL

May 25, 2010 05:08 AM
Gregory Bain
Mezzina Real Estate & Insurance - Little Egg Harbor, NJ
For Homes on the Jersey Shore

Agents acting badly? LOL - we have a reputation to uphold. How else would you know they sell real estate?

May 25, 2010 05:24 AM
Jane Peters
Home Jane Realty - Los Angeles, CA
Los Angeles real estate concierge services

This is not just the workplace.  I see families at restaurants with the kids playing on their cellphones.  Or a couple with one or both doing the same.  And the movies.... don't even get me started.  I had a friend carrying around her cell phone at her wedding!!!

May 25, 2010 07:23 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good afternoon Toula,

We do get this all the time. It only takes a few steps and an excuse me to step away from a group of people so they are not subjected to your conversation.

May 25, 2010 08:58 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good afternoon Charita,

Very true comment #55 just doesn't get it!

May 25, 2010 08:59 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good afternoon,

Unfortunately you may be right..we have way too many with the attitude "It's all about me!!"

May 25, 2010 09:01 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good afternoon Russell,

You are right..good manners never go out of style!

May 25, 2010 09:02 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good afternoon Barb,

There are many that think nothing of showing up 30-50 minutes late for invites to dinner. As long as they keep getting invited they don't understand this is rude!

May 25, 2010 09:05 AM
Esko Kiuru
Bethesda, MD

Dorie,

There are operators all over who feel empowered beyond politeness when they acquire an electronic device. Its presence appears to give them, in their own opinion, extra status that they have to flaunt. It's insecurity, really.

May 25, 2010 11:16 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good evening Esko,

I think you have a very valid point! Extra status..it's what they appear to think they have!

May 25, 2010 02:01 PM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good evening Jane,

A cell phone at your wedding..now I have heard everything!

May 25, 2010 02:52 PM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good evening Shelly,

Oh so true..Emily Post would be very unhappy!

May 25, 2010 02:53 PM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Hi Erica,

It is so irritating to stand behind someone carrying on a conversation like they are at home in private. The poor checker trying to cash them out gets totally snubbed!

May 25, 2010 02:56 PM
Robert Vegas Bob Swetz
Las Vegas, NV

Well hello there young lady and I am so sorry I missed this post and some wonderful written words on your post! Congrats on the feature from "The Gods" and I hope you don't mind if I keep it alive with a feature at one of my favorite groups at AR ......

EXPRESS WITH WORDS AT ACTIVERAIN

Robert

May 25, 2010 04:22 PM
Emily Lowe
RE/MAX Homes and Estates, Lipman Group - Nashville, TN
Nashville TN Realtor

Interesting... from what I have heard, I am about in the perfect age range (Gen X) to have been taught manners with cell phones plus being able to operate at the speed of light  with the electronic devices.  It's unfortunate about those Gen Y'ers who have no concept of rudeness with electronic devices.  I get annoyed with them as well. 

Now, for my own beef with older agents, I wish they would quit taking verbal agreements.  We all need to get with the current laws and get EVERYTHING in writing!!!

May 25, 2010 04:45 PM
Christine Donovan
Donovan Blatt Realty - Costa Mesa, CA
Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M

I know I've been guilty of this, though hopefully not to too great extent, and try to be aware of it.

May 25, 2010 06:57 PM
Bill Travis
Captain Bill Realty, LLC - Gilbert, AZ
Broker/Owner

Just plain rudeness. I hate to even take a phone call when I'm talking with someone else, and unless it is an emergency I won't answer the phone. I'll call them back as soon as I'm through talking with the person I'm talking with.

 

May 27, 2010 10:19 AM