Introvert Tip #4 - Show Up When it's the Right Thing to Do

Education & Training with Sell with Soul

There's nothing we Ntro's like more than a wedding, a funeral, a Christmas party or a Candle party... right?

Uh, no. Not so much. Just the sight of a wedding invitation puts a panicky feeling in the pit of my stomach that just gets bigger as the big day draws near. A whole afternoon and maybe evening of small talk with strangers? Not my cup of tea. I dread it.

But here's the thing. You, as a self-employed real estate-type, need to go. Now if you were a writer or a computer programmer or a 911 operator, you could probably get away with sending a nice gift and spending that Saturday curled up on the sofa with your cats. But ... nope. You're in the business of, well, generating business!

Do I mean that you should go to this wedding and hand out your business cards to every poor sap you meet there? Gawd, NO. NO NO NO NO NO! Leave those cards in the car! (you can always go grab one if absolutely necessary).

You go because it's the right thing to do. You were obviously special enough to the hosts (the bride & groom) to be included on the guest list. Showing Up will let them know that you think they're special enough to honor with your presence.

And making people feel special is a super way to build your business. Will the bride and groom buy a house from you because you showed up at their wedding? I dunno. But I guarantee you have a much better shot at it than if you didn't. And then there's all those people that the bride & groom know...

The same thing goes for funerals, housewarming parties, birthday parties, baby showers and such. Good opportunities to prospect? No. Good opportunities to show someone you care? Yes.

I'm really bad at this actually. I'll come up any excuse under the sun to get out of attending a social function. Not 'cause I don't care about my friend, really, but can we be brutally honest for a moment? I don't show up 'cause I care more about my social discomfort than about my friend. There, I said it.

So, in this instance... do as I say, not as I do!


copyright Jennifer Allan 2007



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Ashley Drake Gephart
Drake Intel Group - Albuquerque, NM
Jennifer I am making an effort on a small scale to get out of my shell more. When I was a teenage I was outgoing. Not so much now. So I am done making excuses and picking a few things each month to do that I would normally think of an excuse to avoid because of the social interaction. Well I actually signed up for a big one! But it's been getting easier for me.
Aug 09, 2007 12:25 PM #1
Joe Adams
Major Mortgage USA/Branch Manager - Montrose, CO
As you know it is hard to put yourself "out there"  but you do it for your friends and not for you and sometimes we get some "love" for it
Aug 09, 2007 12:45 PM #2
Frank Harris
Keller Williams Realty Centre - Columbia, MD
I understand I am shy by nature. One on one I am a social tiger otherwise I have to push myself to attend most functions.
Aug 09, 2007 12:53 PM #3
Nick M.
Certified Residential Appraiser- West Palm Beach Real Estate - West Palm Beach, FL
Realtor-Appraiser in West Palm-South Florida Real Estate Appraiser
Hi Jennifer, your post seemed really honest and open. great stuff.. thanks for sharing.
Aug 09, 2007 01:20 PM #4
Karen Rice
Davis R. Chant, REALTORS - Hawley, PA
Northeast PA & Lake Wallenpaupack Home Sales

Yesterday there was a pool party hosted by one of the folks from the office, for all of us to come.  At first I didn't want to go cause I don't know these people all that well yet and they all "know each other" better.  My instinct is to only go to functions of people that I know REALLY well.  LOL.  But I went because I really don't WANT to be a wallflower - I WANT to be more social and I want to become more at ease talking with strangers...duh, I'm gonna have to, right?

We went and I had a NICE TIME.  The people in my office are NICE!  

While this isn't the same thing as going somewhere to show potential CUSTOMERS you care, it was a good step for me to feel more comfortable breaking in with people who are new to me.

And I think I started the road to some new friendships to boot - I really do crave friendships and a social life - for me being more introverted (usually just with strangers) is more of a defense mechanism.  I spent so much of my life as a child/teen as a social misfit and object of ridicule/scorn, that it was just easier for me as an adult to avoid trying to make new friends and be content with what I had.  Going to new churches was torture for me (fortunately the last couple of churches we joined were full of warm and friendly people!)

I enjoyed the office party - and will go again, and be just *that much* more comfortable the next time I see everyone.  And hopefully, when it comes to prospects, I'll be able to confidently and comfortably say "Hi, I'm Karen Rice and I'm a real estate agent for the Lake Wallenpaupack area. What do you do?" 

Aug 09, 2007 01:43 PM #5
David A. Podgursky PA
THE PODGURSKY GROUP @ Re/Max Direct - Boynton Beach, FL
THE PODGURSKY GROUP - Make the Right Move!

sometimes this IS hard...

sometimes you're sacrificing or sucking up discomfort...


but people remember when you were we just have to remember that it is with a kind heart that we are working to grow our businesses and our selves

Aug 09, 2007 03:42 PM #6
Loreena and Michael Yeo
3:16 team REALTY ~ Locally-owned Prosper TX Real Estate Co. - Prosper, TX
Real Estate Agents

Well, you know me. I'd go - with my introvert personality. Find me at the kitchen helping. That's my way of "showing" up and not having to minggle. To the host, it looks like I am being a great blessing but it's coz I dont minggle very well.

When I am invited to events such as these, I always go. I forget I'm a realtor - possibility to generate business is not in my mind. I go because they feel I am special enough, the least I could do is give them the same privilege.

Aug 09, 2007 04:33 PM #7
Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn
Sell with Soul - Pensacola Beach, FL
Author of Sell with Soul

Loreena - your idea of showing up and helping is one of my all-time favorite SOI-building activities. Whether or not you mean to do it!

 David - Yeah! You can do the right thing AND maybe build your business a bit! And, like Karen says... even have a little fun.

Karen - I love your story. It sounds so much like me. I don't know if I would have made it to the pool party (any excuse to avoid a social gathering), but it usually works out fine (even more-than-fine) in the end. Good for you!

Aug 09, 2007 11:09 PM #8
R. B. "Bob" Mitchell - Loan Officer Raleigh/Durham
Bank of England (NMLS#418481) - Raleigh, NC
Bob Mitchell (NMLS#1046286)

Have you ever noticed that when you do show up to one of these events that it's not as bad as you thought that it was?  That maybe you even end up having a good time?  I just reread "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" and in it Steven Covey talks about "internal dialog and scripts" that we all have.  I wonder if this doesn't play into a person being an "introvert"?


Bob Mitchell

ValueList Real Estate Services, Inc. 

Aug 10, 2007 03:45 AM #9
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