OMGoodness NEW LENDERS GUIDELINES FOR ALL BORROWERS/BUYERS

By
Mortgage and Lending with Extreme Discount Card Inc.

 

 ALL BORROWERS MUST HAVE ONE BLUE EYE AND ONE BROWN EYE TO QUALIFY:

  1. - LTV > 65%, SIVA REQUIRES MINIMUM CREDIT SCORE OF 849
  2. - FOR ALL LTV > 65%, 360 MONTHS RESERVES REQUIRED
  3. - BORROWER'S MUST HAVE NO PREVIOUS BK'S IN THEIR FAMILY HISTORY GOING BACK THREE GENERATIONS
  4. - A MINIMUM OF 25 YEARS SELF-EMPLOYMENT HISTORY NOW REQUIRED FOR ALL NIV PROGRAMS (AT SAME LOCATION)
  5. - MINIMUM CREDIT SCORE FOR SUBPRIME LOANS RAISED TO 720
  6. - ALL ON-ARMS LENGTH TRANSACTION BORROWERS (MORTGAGE, REAL ESTATE PROFESSIONALS, FAMILY MEMBERS) WILL BE REQUIRED TO PROVIDE FULL DOCUMENTATION, SUBJECT TO CRIMINAL BACKGROUND CHECKS, WIRE TAPPING, STRIP-SEARCHES, AND A MINIMUM OF 12 HOURS INTERROGATION BY THE DEPARTMENT OF HOME LAND SECURITY.

 

PLEASE NOTE THAT THESE CHANGES WILL GO INTO EFFECT WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES. SO PLEASE LOCK YOUR LOANS YESTERDAY. ALL EXISTING LOANS IN YOUR PIPELINE MUST FUND BY NOON TOMORROW.

WE APOLOGIZE FOR THIS INCONVENIENCE. WE REALIZE THESE ARE TOUGH TIMES IN THE MORTGAGE INDUSTRY FOR ALL OF US. BE ASSURE THAT WE HAVE A COMMITMENT TO REMAINING STRONG AND WEATHERING THE STORM. WE ASK FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND COOPERATION.

 

SINCERELY,

YOUR "FINANCIALLY STABLE" WHOLESALE LENDER!

"WHERE YOU COME FIRST!"

Comments (4)

Randy Lyon
Kettley and Company - Oswego, IL
Mark, Do you want to let us in on the source of this abomination. LOL
Aug 10, 2007 06:19 AM
Mark Lawrence
Extreme Discount Card Inc. - Owings Mills, MD

Randy, I would love to tell you my friend, but I'm afraid for their saftey....LOL

Aug 10, 2007 06:38 AM
Lanette Branch
RE/MAX Components - Fallston, MD
Bel Air, MD Real Estate Agent
This is too darn funny...thanks for starting the weekend off with a laugh.
Aug 10, 2007 08:54 AM
Fred Griffin Florida Real Estate
Fred Griffin Real Estate - Tallahassee, FL
Licensed Florida Real Estate Broker

Hi, Mark

        If you are still in the real estate business, we invite you back to ActiveRain!

Jul 17, 2017 06:59 PM