New funny Guidelines

Mortgage and Lending with Metro Point Lending LLC

I got this e-mail from a friend and I thought it was very funny and sad at the same time.

With the recent guideline changes happening almost everyday, this joke is right on the target.

Here it goes:

Very Important- Guideline Changes Effective August 8, 2007

· All borrowers must have one blue eye and one brown eye to qualify.

· LTV > 65% SIVA requires minimum credit score of 849.

· For all LTV > 65%, 360 months of payment reserves now required.

· Borrower's must have no previous bankruptcies in their family history going back

three generations.

· A minimum of 25 years self-employment history now required for all NIV Programs

(at same location).

· Minimum Credit Score for Subprime Loans raised to 720.

· All non-arm's length transaction borrowers (mortgage, real estate professionals,

family members) will be required to provide full-documentation, subject to

criminal background checks, wire tapping, strip-searches, and a minimum of 12

hours of interrogation by the Department of Homeland Security.

Please note that these changes will go into effect within the next five minutes. So please

lock you existing loan immediately. All existing loans in your pipeline must fund by noon


We apologize for the inconvenience. We realize these are tough times in the mortgage

industry for all of us. Be assured that we have a commitment to remaining strong and

weathering out the storm. We ask for your understanding and cooperation.


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Ashley Drake Gephart
Drake Intel Group - Albuquerque, NM
I am never getting a loan with those requirements! I might as well go live in a van down by the river. That was funny. 
Aug 10, 2007 08:13 AM #1
Shannon Lefevre
John R. Wood Properties - Naples, FL
Shannon Lefevre, PA Your Naples Smart Girl

That's awesome!  It just goes to show you, we can find a joke in just about anything!

Aug 10, 2007 08:54 AM #2
unknown lender
Geneva, IL
Wow!  Good thing I have disposable contact lenses!  Thanks for injecting some humor into a tough market situation.  I appreciate having something to laugh at ... besides the borrowers who think they can still go 100% nina with a 505 credit score!  (as if they ever could ...)
Aug 10, 2007 09:08 AM #3
» Bill Burress Nationwide Mortgage Originator
» Bill Burress Nationwide Mortgage Originator - Fort Myers, FL


I'm glad you can laugh about it.

I love that Kum Ba Yah statement at the end.

Aug 10, 2007 09:12 AM #4
Ricardo Bueno
Diverse Solutions - Los Angeles, CA
That's too darn funny!
Aug 10, 2007 10:02 AM #5
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