NEW GUIDELINES!!!! - Good Laugh if you need one!

By
Mortgage and Lending with Century 21 Mortgage

DISCLAIMER:  I can't take credit for this, but it had no author.  It was forwarded to me by another mortgage broker who got it from their processor.  If someone knows the author, please let me know as I would love to thank them for the laugh and give them credit. 

Dear Po-dunk Mortgage Broker, 

Very Important - Guideline Changes Effective August 13th, 2007

  • All borrowers must have one blue eye and one brown eye to qualify
  • LTV > 65% SIVA requires a minimum credit score of 849
  • For all LTV > 65%, 360 months of payment reserves now required
  • Borrower's must have no previous bankruptcies in their family history going back three generations
  • A minimum of 25 years self-employment history now required for all NIV Programs (at same location)
  • Minimum Credit Score for Sub-prime loans raised to 720
  • All non-arm's length transaction borrowers (mortgage, real estate professionals, family members) will be required provide full-documentation, subject to criminal background checks, wire tapping, strip-searches, and a minimum of 12 hours of interrogation with the Department of Homeland Security

Please note that these changes will go into effect within the next five minutes.  So, lock your existing loans immediately.  All existing loans in your pipeline must fund by noon tomorrow.

We apologize for the inconvenience.  We realize these are tough time in the mortgage industry for all of us.  Be assured that we are committed to remaining strong and we will be able to weather the storm.  We ask for your understanding and cooperation.

Sincerely,

Management BIG MONEY LENDER

Comments (3)

Thomas Weiss
Thomas R. Weiss - West Palm Beach, FL

It sucks, because it sounds like it's getting to this point.. good post though..

Tom

Aug 13, 2007 09:21 AM
Joan Whitebook
BHG The Masiello Group - Nashua, NH
Consumer Focused Real Estate Services

Oh -- what can I say -- I am laughing and crying at the same time. Too bad, we always have to see these "extremes."  Thanks for the humor!

Aug 13, 2007 09:36 AM
Joe Manausa
Joe Manausa Real Estate - Tallahassee, FL
Tallahassee Real Estate
Sounds like our market area is a bit more lenient than than others... Thanks for the quick laugh.
Aug 13, 2007 09:19 PM