As you all know, Dwightl's hosting a summer garage sale in the parking lot. At first I was excited - bunch of best friends getting together on the weekend, bartering, getting messed up on lemonade. But as I was looking around my condo for things to sell, I realized something disturbing. I am...a hoarder.
I've got b-loads of unnecessary crap. Ab Rocket, Shoedini, Hair in a Can, Thighmaster, Nads, talking bass plaque, Chia Pets, solar powered tanning bed... Sometimes I find myself on Craigslist just hanging out, randomly calling about "free stuff" I don't even need. I have five Ikea coffee tables.
I had no idea that collecting keepsakes was weird until I saw this TV show about hoarding. It makes people who hold onto baby clothes and pets and a little bit of garbage seem like they're crazy. And yes, some of the pets are dead. But they probably brought great joy to those people and they don't want to let go. I totally get it.
That's how I feel about Bea Arthur. 
Anyway I'm going to be proactive and not only sell all my stuff, but I'm also going to practice major constrength at the garage sale. I don't need Herb's old MC Hammer pants! After all, having a bunch of material things doesn't make you happy. What it's really about is just having the best job and the best looking family on your street, and I'm already half way there. I may keep my ShamWow though. 
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