It was 12 years ago that I took my first baby steps into the world of real estate, yet when I look back it seems like I have been through 2 lifetimes in this period.
I was 27 years old when my wife and I moved to the small town of Summerland, BC to begin the next stage of our life together. We had just returned from traveling around the world for a year and were anxious to ‘plant some roots’ and start a family and career.
That’s what we did, in fact we did it so well that from a family of two we went to 6! I started my career with a job in a real estate franchise and after working with 3 companies started my own- South Okanagan Realty. After a few years though I shut it down to retire and went back to learning, earned a degree in theology and homeschooled my two oldest girls only to get back into the game by opening up HomeStar Realty.
In these 12 years or 2 lifetimes as I call it, I have seen my share of ups and downs. I’ve made lots of money in real estate only to lose it somewhere else! But if you ask me if I regret any part of my 12 year stint, I’d say, “not for second!”
These years of goods times, bad times and “in between times” taught me what works in the business and what doesn’t. I also managed to learn the fine art of multitasking, which has helped me in every aspect of my life. However, I did take a long time to learn and ponder over my lessons.
It was during my “pondering” sessions that I realized that something vital was missing from my life. I was making a lot of money and was spending it quite well, yet for some reason I never really felt satisfied, it was as if I was seeking something, but I did not know what it was! The search for this missing element in my life set me off on a journey, which taught me the most valuable lessons of life. In this chapter I would like to share what I learnt about success and happiness.
Lesson 1- There is a difference between success and happiness
Success Vs Happiness
Whenever I ask someone to define success and happiness, the following are the two responses I generally hear-
1. “Making lots of money in a short period of time and having fun while doing it” (or something to that effect)
2. “Aren’t they the same? Success is happiness and happiness is success!”
So are they really the same? I would say “No”! Let’s take a simple example to illustrate what I am trying to say. As children when we were asked what we want to be when we grow up, most of us said “rich”, because we assumed that being rich was being happy. Yet, as an adult I have never heard any grown-up say “I am rich” in spite of the fact that we live in the richest part of the world by far. Is it because as adults we spend money we don’t have to buy things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like? I would say YES!! Yes, because we don’t know the difference between being successful and being happy.
You may be wondering now, all this sounds great, but I still don’t understand the difference between success and happiness! Well, the answer is, success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
Sounds too profound or confusing, does it? Perhaps the following exercise will be able to help you understand this difference.
· Close your eyes and reflect on my statement for a while
· Take out a piece of paper and make a list of things you want.
· Now make a list of things you‘ve got
If the two lists turn out to be extremely different except a few matches here and there, then in all probability you are not happy with the success you have achieved.
Let me hopefully exaggerate things for you to illustrate my point. Success is making enough money to allow yourself and your family to do the things you/they want. To do this you work most of the time and can’t really enjoy yourself because you are too focused on succeeding. Well, by all accounts you are succeeding because you are making more money than you ever thought possible (for someone like you) yet your marriage is on the ‘rocks’, your kids don’t like you and to make things worse you don’t even like yourself that much!
Success is about bringing balance into your life so that you can be successful by getting what you want and be happy by wanting what you get. This book will hopefully help you achieve this balance.
How to achieve a balance between success and happiness?
Achieving a balance between success and happiness is simple; all that one needs to do is to keep some basic facts of life in mind. Most of us are aware of these facts, yet only experience teaches us their true meaning. It took me many years to understand and accept these facts, here’s what I learnt.
Live in the moment
Ultimately what we are seeking is joy and peace. At this stage (joy and peace) we are satisfied where we are and with what we have. Feeling happy or satisfied, however, doesn’t mean we quit and never lift a finger again! It simply means that we move forward with a feeling of gratitude and respect for what we have now. Happiness will be our constant companion if we live in the moment, if we concentrate on what we have instead of thinking about we would or could have or what we have lost. The now is the most important of anytime. In fact it really is the only time we have control over.
Respect yourself
Most of us spend our lives trying to succeed so that we can gain the respect we think we deserve. I have played this game too and have always lost. I now know that the only respect I need is ‘self respect’. If I don’t like and respect myself, nobody else can or will. It’s only when you learn to respect yourself that you lose the need to succeed for others. A self-respecting person measures his/her success against his own desires and happiness.
Understand your life purpose
You will only be able to measure your success or happiness if you know what you want from life. Without knowing your purpose you will have no way to measure or understand the meaning of the two most important things you
want to achieve in life.
How to understand the purpose of your life?
To even begin to understand our purpose in life we must ask the $64,000 question: What is my purpose? Unfortunately, too few of us ask this very important question. I think in part because we are afraid of the answer and partly because we are never taught to do so. Obviously, since we don’t ask we never get to know!
Our ignorance shapes our belief system. It’s hardly surprising then that most of us spend a lifetime with the belief that we are just an attachment of a larger movement known as popular culture. The realization of who we are only dawns upon us when we finally decide to ask ourselves the vital question- “What is my life purpose?”
Everyone’s exploration and ultimately conclusion of who they are and what they are culminates in a life long journey of trials and tribulation. I wish I could advise you that this step is as easy as visiting a palm reader or discovering it on a late night infomercial – but I can’t. For me this process took a long time. This is my story to give you an idea how tough this part can be.
Advice: Whatever you do in life you should be able to line it up with your purpose and if it lines up you pursue it and if not you let it go………………
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