Losing a Parent involves Intense Grief--A tribute to my Grandpa

Real Estate Broker/Owner with Coldwell Banker Choice Realty

I very seldom EVERY write about Real Estate, but usually, it's more about health and wellness as my Mother is a wellness coach and I try to help her out by reposting many of her articles....as they are good ideas and reminders for us all in our hectic lives.

But this week we are dealing with the loss of my Grandfather who was 86 years years old.  (pictured below with my Grandmother soon after their wedding-about 69 years ago)

Mother just posted an article on dealing with grief, as it helps her to deal with hers. Since everyone has gone through something similar, I'm going to go aheand and post this as well... I hope this isn't too personal.   Below are her words:

My dad just died and it is painful and involves intense grief. Of course you may already know exactly what I mean. If so, I am so sorry for your pain.

I have been walking the floor with a jumbled up array of emotions. I wasn't sure what to do with them all. It's quite a mixture, and some are just the opposite of others.  On the one hand I am happy that my dad in not suffering, he is at peace and asleep.  On the other hand, I miss him, his wise advice, and our long talks.  This is the first time I have lost a parent, and the feeling is new to me; new - and very unwanted.

My dad just died. What a sentence. I never wanted to have to say that sentence. Just what does it mean to me anyway?

It means my heart is broken, it means he's not here, it means I am lonesome and oh-so-very sad. It means I am not capable of talking or doing much else right now. It means I don't even want anyone to try to cheer me up. I'm not in the mood to cheer up. I know I must go through this. Grief is one part of life that is inevitable at this time.

Why? It is because; today death is very much a part of this life of ours.

It doesn't mean I am worried about him, because he is just fine. I know he is fine. I have strong faith that he is in God's care and keeping. He is just asleep, and the next thing he knows it will be the resurrection, and he will be happy, healthy vibrant, alive-and able to do all the things he can't do now.

I am in my 60's and still dad introduced me as his baby girl, or explained to some young person how I was his baby. It tickled me to hear him. When I was younger I would have been very insulted, and often I was.

Now I am not anyone's baby. I find that sad. I guess it was comforting to know that I was dad's baby girl.

It's grief, it's heartache and it's pain. That's what this is. I did a little research on the word and found out that there are supposed to be several stages of it, so it sounds like it is perfectly normal, but, it doesn't feel perfectly normal. It feels wrong. I don't like it at all.

Grief cannot be skirted around or avoided. There are no short-cuts. You must work through it, and it affects us all differently. There is no right or wrong way to work through grief. Since we are all different, we get to do it in our own way.

Sounds like the song right. I did it my way. Well, grief is something that you do your way. Whatever works for you, what is therapeutic in your case is what you need to do for yourself. Just make sure that your way doesn't cause you or anyone any harm, like using drugs or alcohol, because you would have to come out of your stupor sometime and you would not have solved anything. You would still have to work through your grief.

My dad loved gardening, and we spoke on gardening quite a bit. Sometimes we talked about it for hours at a time. Now I am not anything like the gardener that he was, (I am even angry about speaking in past tense about him.) but, I could ask him anything and everything about making gardens. In the last few years I worked too much to make a real garden, and with living in the woods it is nearly impossible anyway, but this spring, because of dad, I made my Container Garden, my Special Summer Place in honor of dad.

He talked me through it, had suggestions, ideas and lots of helpful hints. I sit out there some of each day and evening, and I know I have it because of him. It helps me feel closer to him in some ways. When I sit out there at twilight I watch the lightning bugs and it is oh-so peaceful.

Thanks dad, because of you I am remembering to "Stop and Smell the Roses."

Values a Parent Gives his Child:It's funny when you think of it, just how much a parent works to instill values into their child.

They give us their words to live by, and even motivation to accomplish what you think of as necessary, but, he did impart much of his values into my life. He has motivated me.

My dad had a strong and unwavering faith in our heavenly father. He taught this to me and to my brother. Up to the end, he spoke about it, making sure he stayed focused on it and serving our heavenly father, and it is helping me to stay focused.

I don't wonder why he is gone, I know why. I also know that he is asleep until the resurrection, and then he will be back, strong, healthy and still serve our heavenly father for eternity.

But, that doesn't mean I don't grieve. Even Jesus wept and grieved for Lazarus-and that was just before he resurrected him. So, the grief process is perfectly normal, even when you have a strong faith.

Dad, you are missed, at least for now.

I Love you,


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