Just sucking my thumb here----gotta do whatever gets you through the night!

     In these economic times, can any of us afford to not be all that we can be?

     Which of your “beliefs” hold you back from being the best that you can be?   

     You know the ones I am talking about. 

     They speak to you with that little voice in the back of your head that just “happens” to be wherever you are. 

     I know there are several voices, but I am referring to the one that you know is full of the worst kind of crap----but you listen to it anyway?  

     This voice will tell us we are not smart enough, good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, fast enough, tall enough, short enough, or worthy enough. 

     This voice will tell us the timing is wrong, that we won’t succeed, that the lawn needs mowing, that the laundry can’t wait, that we have too much of a headache, that we come from the wrong side of the tracks, that the cold sore looks too bad or that we have too much body hair.  This little voice is the curmudgeon that beats us like an old dog and we still come home for supper with our tail between our legs and the paper in our mouth-----because we “believe.”  Sometimes the voice entices us with seemingly “good advice.”  But beware even the voice of blind ambition, self sacrifice and philanthropy (sure would like to try that problem some time) can distract us from our full potential.

     When we were kids, we were offered things to “believe” in----to “get us through the night.”  It is possible to imagine that these “comforts” might set the stage for more “crippling” belief systems later in life.

     As children, we start out with next to “0” experience.  It is this lack of experiences that necessitates the “use” of crutches to get us through the rough spots in our lives----whether it is “Monster Spray” for those friggin creatures panting under the bed, or visits from the “Tooth Fairy” to help us deal with all our teeth inexplicably falling out of our head.  Kids can be very creative in making up places in their heads where they feel safe.  We create imaginary friends, we avoid walking on sidewalk cracks, we sleep with the light on and we suck our thumbs.  All these beliefs are common and even necessary as we learn who we are in the world.  More importantly they are relatively harmless----although sucking my thumb as an adult can be embarrassing.

     At all times in our lives, when we feel we are drowning, we will cling to anything perceived to be floating----in order to save ourselves (gives a whole new meaning to the term “floater”----but perhaps apt).

     Most of the time we could merely stand up----if we had the presence of mind to do so.  The pond is rarely as deep as we think it is, and the piranhas present are only the ones we put there.

     At other times we simply DO need something to lean on----to believe in----that is seemingly outside of ourselves.

     One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies, “O Brother Where Art Thou,” is when Delmar questions the non-religious Everett (George Clooney) about praying to God for help when they were about to be hanged.  Everett replies, “Any human being’ll cast about in a moment of stress.”

     Theoretically the older we get, and the more life experiences we gain, we not only shed our childhood beliefs, and/or modify/amend those beliefs, we actually can get to a point where we realize that “belief” is closer to part of the problem than part of the solution.  More often however, I fear we merely morph those “childish” beliefs into more complicated, self abrogating and self-absorbing “adult” beliefs.  And so we punish ourselves by eating too much, smoking too much, blogging too much, shopping too much, hoping too much, gambling too much and drinking too much (pick your poison) and thereby creating our own self-fulfilling prophecy.  We “believe” deep down that we are that dog-----and on some level we are determined to prove it in our world.  In a sense, when we “fail” we get to be “right.”  How can that be wrong?

     Evidence that we can and do let go of previous beliefs can be seen in the following question.  As you have gotten older----more experienced----have you modified, amended or abandoned any previously held belief systems?  Most of us would answer yes----and some of us might be in denial.  Others might be content that the belief systems they maintain, nurtures them----as opposed to cripples them.  Eventually most of us DO let go of the notion of an “actual” Santa Claus.

     As long as we come into the world with “0” experience and as long as there are dysfunctional parents (and ALL parents are in some way----or to some degree) children will find things to believe in.

     I would argue that as parents, we can at least apply the band-aids that will allow our children to shed those crutches as easily as possible when they do become adults.  We can teach them the skills that will help them find those things to rely on that do not require debilitating allegiances once they have served their purpose. 

     And, at some point they are on their own.

     Any crutch, that we cannot afford to put in the corner after we are healed, has the power to cripple us for life.

     While it might be fun to continue dancing when the music is over, it may be a problem if it prevents us from dancing to the next song when it starts. 

     The narcotics that help us deal with the pain of shooting ourselves in the foot should not be continued to be used when the injury is healed.

     In the meanwhile.

     Whatever gets you through the night-----is alright----is alright. 

     Until that is, we decide to no longer allow the “crutch-of-the-moment” to keep us from being all that we can be.

Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector