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Domestic Violence Isn't Just On T.V. It's Real

By
Real Estate Agent with Douglas Elliman Real Estate in Babylon NY

Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Isn't Just On T.V. It's Real

I have never been the victim of domestic violence. I have never known anyone personally who has. Today, I saw someone who is going through it now.

I made a stop at our local precinct to ask a basic law question. I saw a woman probably in her early 30's and she was having a conversation with a police officer at a nearby table. She was reporting being hit by her husband recently. Apparently, she was being abused by him for a long time. I struck up a conversation with her and she was telling me he's having her followed, leaving threatening voice-mails and emails stating that he will die without her and she will die without him. Just like you see in the movies. Most times we see in the movies that things end up ok. The abuser goes to jail and the victim gets to go off and start a new life, start over.

She never reported him until today. We hear about this all the time. She even told me that she is fearing the stalking will stop once she is dead. She is afraid for her life. I told her you didn't report him before because you thought it would get worse. She said yes. I told her whether or not you report it, it always gets worse anyway. You need to report him. You need to take care of yourself.

She then got up and limped to the water fountain. Then it hit me. This is real. What she is going through is real. I felt compelled to help her. I wanted to help her. I wanted to give her my business card but didn't because this man is obviously not in his right mind. What if he tracks her calls? I have a 15 year old son at home and what if he finds where I live? So, I didn't do anything. When I was leaving, she was still sitting with the officer. I walked over and hugged her and told her she is doing the right thing by reporting him. I turned to leave and I cried all the way to my car.

I feel immense guilt right now. She has been on my mind all day. I feel like I abandoned another human being who needs help. Not sure what I could have done for her but feel guilty for not doing anything.

If you are in a domestic violence situation, get out. Do it for yourself. Do it for your kids. Do what you can to get help.

Long Island Domestic Violence Help

Comments(11)

Ann-Marie Clements
Candidate for an Ed.D. in Educational Leadership - Saint John, NB
Ed.D. candidate, Innovative Proactive Principa

Hi Jackie,  I think education awareness helps all women or men who are domestically abused to reach for help!  GREAT BLOG!!!  ;>))

Aug 27, 2010 09:56 AM
Pat Fenn
Marketing Specialist for CJ Realty Group/Cindy Jones Broker - Springfield, VA

You were right to be concerned about your own safety.  The best thing you can do is familiarize yourself with local battered women shelters and perhaps have cards on hand that you can pass on to the next woman you meet with the number on it.  Unfortunately men who batter women often don't distinguish between a spouse and a helpful stranger.  Be careful.

Aug 27, 2010 10:03 AM
Gail Nyman
Re/Max United Real Estate - Dunkirk, MD
Every House Has A Story

Jackie, it does make me wonder what I could do to help too!

Aug 27, 2010 10:04 AM
Vickie McCartney
Maverick Realty - Owensboro, KY
Broker, Real Estate Agent Owensboro KY

Hi Jackie~  It is devastating.  I grew up exposed to it because my sister was in abusive relationships.  My first experience was when I was in ninth grade, and was present at the time and I intervened and I do not know how he did not kill me!  I had no fear and wasn't allowing any man to abuse my sister.  He stopped because I got in between them and screamed right in his face not to touch her again.  I think he was just so shocked that I did that!  When I look back at that face to face confrontation, I realize now he could have squashed me and killed me right then and there.  But, I didn't care at the time. I was not going to allow this animal of a man to touch her, at least not while I was there.  (sorry I just got carried away as this horrible memory surfaced...) It is real, and it is scarey!  Yes, she got away from him eventually.  Unfortuantely, she is not alive now, but at least she didn't die from physical abuse. 

Aug 27, 2010 10:06 AM
Robert L. Brown
www.mrbrownsellsgr.com - Grand Rapids, MI
Grand Rapids Real Estate Bellabay Realty, West Mic

From a man's point of view this is wrong. Noone should have to go through this. I have 6 sisters and 3 daughters. I wouldn't want this to happen to them as well.

Aug 27, 2010 11:38 AM
Barbara Todaro
RE/MAX Executive Realty - Happily Retired - Franklin, MA
Previously Affiliated with The Todaro Team

Jackie.....you did the right thing by not getting involved....she is with the police and they will protect her....they know how to deal with it...they see it every day.....you have a family to think about....between you and Loreena wanting to save the world....you'll put yourself in the middle of a violent situation.

Aug 27, 2010 12:17 PM
Ellen Caruso
Daniel Gale Sotheby's International Realty - Glen Head, NY

Jackie, I have a character in my book that goes through the same thing. I make no joke of it. You'll see how my characters try to protect her.

Aug 27, 2010 03:16 PM
Jackie Connelly-Fornuff
Douglas Elliman Real Estate in Babylon NY - Babylon, NY
"Moving at The Speed of YOU!"

Hi Ann-Marie, my posted needed to be "said". There are still many out there that really believe there is no help but there is.

Hi Pat, that is a wonderful idea. I'm going to do that today! I knew I couldn't do anything for her due to safety reasons but it was frustrating.

Hi Gail, It made me wonder as well. Pat had a great idea about keeping a list of shelters just in case I come across this again.

Hi Vickie, as a young child, you didn't know the consequences. You just wanted to protect your sister. Your instincts showed that. At least she eventually got away from him. I'm sorry your sister passed away :(

Hi Robert, it's obvious your parents brought you up right! :)

Hi Barbara, I know, I know. It was hard not being able to help her though. It looks like Loreena and I have the "save the world" attitude, lol. I've always been that way.

Hi Ellen, Are we talking a real book you are writing? Now that is cool! We all need to protect ourselves.

Aug 27, 2010 11:56 PM
Ellen Caruso
Daniel Gale Sotheby's International Realty - Glen Head, NY

Jackie, Yes a novel. When we talk, Ill tell you more.

Aug 28, 2010 01:16 AM
Carra Riley & Declan Kenyon
Brokers Guild Cherry Creek Ltd - Westminster, CO
Helping people Transition at all ages!

Jackie.....It is hard to know what to do it a situation like this, but I think you did the right thing by showing compassion and reinforcing her decision to seek help from the police department.  Domestic abuse is just wrong on every level!

Aug 28, 2010 04:48 AM
Jackie Connelly-Fornuff
Douglas Elliman Real Estate in Babylon NY - Babylon, NY
"Moving at The Speed of YOU!"

Hi Ellen, I know, I have to call you. I feel bad for not doing that yet. Tomorrow, I promise :)

Hi Carra, It is wrong on every level. I just hope she gets real help and not just a bunch of police reports piling up.

Aug 29, 2010 12:24 PM