Take it from someone who commuted to "the City" from Manalapan for years, I've seen it all!! Although slightly exaggerated, I've lived this commuting hell! I paid a steep price to amass this list... my sanity and sometimes even my personal hygiene!!
If you want ensure a rotten start to your day and probably piss off the guy sitting next to you on the train or the bus, take heed of the following.
Top 7 Sure-Fire Ways to Foul Up Your Commute...
7. Be late! Don't worry, we'll wait while you dodge traffic and risk your life. And if you cause a major accident, that will give me something REALLY interesting to post on Facebook!
6. Don't buy your ticket in advance! Nothing makes the bus driver, and your fellow commuters, happier than waiting for you to shake them coins out of your piggy bank! Exact change please!!
5. Eat a BIG breakfast, including lots of greasy bacon and sausage! Everyone loves sitting next to the guy who is rubbing his belly, sweating and moaning the entire ride! And in case you were wondering... those buses equipped with bathrooms... don't even think about it! They are just for show!
4. Have that cell phone charged and ready to go!!! Take this opportunity to call your Abuela, or Nonna or dear old, hard-of-hearing, Grandma. Talk really loud, preferably in any language other than English. We see each other EVERY day, it is only natural to start sharing ALL our personal business. Oh, and every 3 1/2 minutes you should check if they can still hear you.
3. Don't look at the seat before you sit! What fun it is to sit in someone else's puke! (See number 5 above!) If it is rush hour and you are on a packed bus and can't believe your good fortune to actually find an empty 2 seater... think again!
2. Come equipped, it might be a long ride! Bring your pillow, a blankie, a laptop, a dvd player, slippers and your teddy bear. Really, you're entitled to use every inch of your personal space and maybe even just a teensy bit of your neighbor's!
and the number 1 way to foul up your commute....
1. Toothpaste is for wussies!..... which narrowly edged out "bean-o is for babies"... which was tied with "deodorant is for dummies"
If you would prefer a more serious take on commuting from the Manalapan, New Jersey area, check out my blog post titled "Commuting from Manalapan, New Jersey to New York City."