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Meet Bo Jack: One Agent's Encounter With Death.

Reblogger
Real Estate Broker/Owner with HOME AT LAST REAL ESTATE DB915628

This is from Andrew Lenza Real Estate  The man has some serious talent!

You HAVE to read this.  You are gonna laugh your butt off!  Thank you Andrew for providing us with this hilarious and VERY unique post!

Original content by Andrew J. Lenza

Meet Bo Jack.

Bo is a real estate agent who, on his last listing, tried to prove that “there was nothing wrong with the wiring." He was wrong. He electrocuted himself in the basement.

Right in front of the home inspector.

Right in front of the buyers, an excited couple purchasing their first home.

Right in front of the seller.

Right in front of the seller’s dog.  (Now that just ain’t right.)

The homeowner, an affable yet frugal sort, wired the sump pump motor directly into the main panel, fashioning a circuit with a salad fork and a broken guitar string.

Poor Bo fell right into the sump pit with two hundred and twenty volts streaming in and out of him like a fat man stepping intermittently on a gushing garden hose. Once they disconnected the power, the first-responders had to dislodge the pump’s float ball from Bo’s mouth.

“What the Heaven happened to you?” asked Saint Peter to Bo when the real estate agent appeared at the Pearly Gates. Not only did Bo’s clothes reek of stagnant ground water but he sported a singed haircut, waxed brows, blackened fingertips and two broken front teeth.

Yup, Bo looked like your ordinary, run-of-the-coffeehouse Realtor trying to sell his way out of the Great Recession of 2010.

“Shouldn’t you know that?” asked Bo. “I mean what happened to me?”

Saint Peter smiled and stroked his long white beard with his pinky finger up, like he hid a cup of Earl Grey under his flop.

“I do, I do,” the Rock of the Church said with a wink of his right eye, an eye as blue as the Pacific on a May morning, “but I never get tired of asking.”

“What happens now?” Bo asked.

“Well, I talked to the Man Down the Hall--” started Saint Peter, who found himself suddenly interrupted by his new visitor.

“You mean the Man Upstairs,” corrected Bo.

Saint Peter wrinkled his brow and cast a long, muscular arm around the burnt, smelly, disfigured Million Dollar Award Winner of 1999.

“We are upstairs,” whispered the Great Simon Cephas.

“Oh,” Bo said, sheepishly to the fisherman turned shepherd.

The old man smiled.

Now Saint Peter’s experience with real estate agents was limited, but he did manage to pick up a few pointers when three drug mules from El Paso moseyed up to the gate.  Seems these three cousins were sitting on the wrong side of a tour bus when the leaf spring on the old Yellow Coach blew and brought the chassis down to the rims, bopping those boys up and down on the hard wooden seats. An unfortunate overdose and completely unnecessary because minutes before one suggested they rent a car.  They put the matter to a vote and two of the smugglers opted for public transportation, giving credence to the old maxim that Democracy is messy in the pants.

“Got your papers, Bo?” asked Saint Peter, getting right back to the business of qualifying his lead.

“Papers?” asked Bo, confused.  He felt a pang in his jaw and spit out a molar.

“You know, Consumer Information Statement, Pre-Approval letter from your mortgage broker, purchase-and-sales agreement, Lead-based paint Addendum,” Saint Peter said while he extended his luminous right hand and started to tick each spindly finger as he rattled off the names of the required documents.

“I have to buy my place in Heaven?” Bo asked, incredulously.

“No tenants," said Saint Peter. "Against the by-laws. We were a cooperative for the longest time but with the interviews, the reference checks and sorting out who paid for what expenses, well, the Boss thought it easier that we convert to a condo association.”

“This can’t be happening,” Bo muttered to himself.

“You should have been here before the Old Man completed the 1031 Exchange. Talk about frogs and famine.  I pleaded with the Boss not to let the Four Horsemen write up the paperwork.”

Bo crawled his fingers to his itchy scalp. A mound of hair fell onto the cloud floor.  Saint Peter raised his eyes.

“Listen I didn’t come here prepared. I better make my way to the other place,” said Bo, turning to leave. But Saint Peter grabbed him by the chest and starting thrusting him back and forth bellowing “Come back, come back!”

Come back!

Come back!

Come back!

Then Bo saw a brilliant light. The EMT, a moonlighting social worker with long white hair named Sally, flashed a penlight into his pupils. She just finished CPR. Bo laid on the cold floor with the inspector, the shiny happy couple and the seller surrounding him. Even the seller’s dog licked his hand.

A scene straight out of the Wizard of Oz.

“Damn,” said the seller, “we nearly lost you Bo. I told you not to flip that switch but it was too late.”

Bo reached for his mouth, tentatively. Hopeful. Yet true to the dream, his teeth were busted. He smelled his person -- septic discharge. He imagined the mess on top of his head.

“Yeah, we nearly lost you,” said Sally.  Everyone around Bo laughed and smiled down upon him, fortunate they witnessed a miracle. A Realtor coming back from the dead. You don't see that every day.

After a few awkward moments when Bo still had not said a word since his return, the seller finally broke the silence.

“Say, Bo, you’re scaring us. Say something old boy.”

Bo motioned to the seller to lean beside him and from behind swollen, bloody lips his words carried an air of assurance, the steely confidence of a man who emerges from the other side of an epiphany matter-of-factly while on his way to a fait-compleat.  

“I am so suing your a__.” 

Posted by

Carole L. MacCollum 

Broker/Owner HOME AT LAST REAL ESTATE

676 Post Road, Suite 6 Wells, Maine 04090

Mail to: P.O. Box 427, Wells, ME 04090

carolemaccollum12@gmail.com / 207-337-4792

 

Comments (4)

Curt Baumgarth
Mesa, AZ
inactive

Ha, love the last line...  Great way to start my Monday morning.  Thanks for the re-post.

Dec 05, 2010 03:26 AM
David Popoff
DMK Real Estate - Darien, CT
Realtor®,SRS, Green ~ Fairfield County, Ct

LOL , missed this one, thanks for the re-blog.

Dec 05, 2010 03:32 AM
Andrew J. Lenza
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Holmdel, NJ

Thank you, Carole. Always an honor to get "reblogged." Amazing how language develops -- reblog as a verb would be unthinkable 10 years ago

Dec 05, 2010 02:11 PM
Carole L. MacCollum
HOME AT LAST REAL ESTATE - Wells, ME
Broker/Realtor 207-337-4792

Andrew, HAHAHAHAH!  I just read this one again and I can't stop laughing - Sir, You Have A GIFT!!!!!

Thanks, David & Curt for checking out this reblog...I just had to do it to try to get it out to as many people as possible; too funny not to share!

Dec 06, 2010 05:09 AM