It looks like today I am putting my cat to sleep. That's such a strange way of putting it, but it beats saying we're putting him out of his misery by injecting him with a chemical that will kill him. It sounds like it's so peaceful and normal, an everyday event. Just going to bed. Just a little nap. Except, he will never wake up again.
I have never been in this position, but I know other people who have and how hard it can be. All of my other cats -- and I've always shared my life with cats -- have died by other means, generally when I wasn't around. When you're not right there, staring at the dead body, it lessens the pain a little bit.
Today is also the anniversary of John Lennon's death. It seems fitting to share that day of mourning with the death of my cat. My cat, Brandon, has lived for 19 years, four months and 19 days. In cat years, that's a lot longer than John Lennon.
The photo you see of Brandon was taken on November 30th, 2010. He was happy. Four years ago this month, the Midtown Animal Clinic in Davis diagnosed Brandon with kidney disease. The doctors made it sound like he was going to die at any moment. But he's lived 4 years longer than the doctors thought. We've had a few emergency runs to the UC Davis Vet Hospital, but he's always come out of it OK. I don't think it's gonna happen this time.
For the most part, he's been a very happy cat the past four years as he's struggled with this disease. If you know about renal failure in cats, you know that the BUN level in the bloodwork is important to monitor. His BUN has been fluctuating from about 35 to 45. Yesterday, it was elevated and almost double at 72. He hasn't been eating since Monday, is having difficulty breathing and can barely walk. There is no quality of life. The purring has stopped. It breaks my heart to see him like this, and I'm sure it's no picnic for him either.
As a last ditch effort, the vet put him on an IV yesterday; we're pumping him full of fluids. But I believe it's time to say goodbye, much as I hate to say it.
The heart can only stand so much, you know. I was telling a client yesterday that I hope to god I don't receive any more short sale approvals this week because my heart can't take it. All of the short sale approvals I've been receiving lately expire at the end of this month, and I've received 3 or 4 this week so far. That means we have less than 30 days to close escrow. We're talking high stress level. But I am more than a Sacramento short sale agent. I am a woman. As such, I am strong. I've made it this far in life and, as much as it pains me, I will get through today as well.
Photo: Elizabeth Weintraub
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