Killing the Neighborhood Menace

Real Estate Agent with Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - C. Dan Joyner 21498

So there’s this ten year old kid who lives in the neighborhood, and he is the biggest menace known to humankind. He is forever terrorizing me, and I cannot for the life of me say why. And not only that, my husband never sees his acts of terror, and thinks I am overreacting when I describe his shenanigans! “Sheila, he’s just a kid,” he says, but doesn’t see what I do. The little terrorist is just mean. Period.

One day I was coming home for lunch, and I sat down my bag and drink on the deck rail a few feet away so I could unlock the back door. I heard a “smack” behind me and what sounded like a small rock hit the deck, but when I looked around I didn’t see anything. The door open, I reached for my bag and drink, and that’s when I realized what had happened…there was a small hole in two sides of my drink! The little brat had SHOT MY DRINK!

I looked out to try and locate the little weasel, but I did not see anything. There  are a lot of places he could be hiding (landscaping) or he could have run away by then. I couldn’t close my mouth from disbelief! I said it out loud, “HE SHOT MY DRINK!”

I called my husband for support and to report the atrocity, and he downplayed it as if I could be MISTAKEN!

“Well honey, you can’t just randomly accuse a 10-year old of shooting at you. Maybe the drink already had a hole in it…”

“Oh, okay…maybe it did, Charlie…maybe it already had TWO holes in it (like it did when I went to pick it up) and I just didn’t notice it. You’re probably right…what was I thinking? …OR…maybe Charlie, just maybe…HE SHOT MY FREAKING DRINK!!!”

“Okay, sweety…just calm down. We can figure this out…maybe it was a mistake…maybe…”

“Figure out WHAT? He is a dangerous little brat and he SHOT MY DRINK! What if he had hit ME with his little WMD? THEN what? He definitely did it on purpose!”

And then my husband had the audacity to do something that almost caused me to go through the phone and wring his neck…he laughed. That’s right. It shouldn’t have surprised me because he is always laughing at me, but not when OUR HOME IS UNDER ATTACK!!! OMG!

“So you’re gonna laugh, is that it? I’ve been SHOT and you think it’s funny? Is that how it is?”

“Well honey, you have to admit…”

“NO! I do NOT have to admit…I have been legally terrorized and you are an ass! I could have been killed!”

“What does ‘legally terrorized’ mean?”

“It means somebody TRIED TO KILL ME and I HATE YOU……..THAT’S what it means!”

“HAHAHAHAHAAA…you don’t hate me.”

“Just do something, Charlie! What are you gonna do?”

“I’ll stop by his house on the way home and talk to his dad…will that make you happy?”

“Well, I want you to be mean about it…don’t hem and haw…you need to defend my honor!”

“I will defend your honor…”

“And tell him I have killed other little boys like him, and that I will kill him too, and he better stop terrorizing me!”

“I’ll tell him you will kill him if he doesn’t stop…”

“Okay. And mean it!”

“I’ll mean it.”




“Bye, sweety.”

“Don’t ‘Bye sweety’ me...”


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Sheila Newton   
Sheila Newton Team 
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices -
C. Dan Joyner, Realtors
864-225-1205 (direct)
864-940-6377 (mobile)    

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 BHHS C Dan Joyner - Sheila Newton Team




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Jason Channell
Diadem Property Inspections - Serving Southeast Michigan - Troy, MI
The House Sleuth

Wow, it sounds like my nephew has fled Detroit and taken up residence in South Carolina.

Jan 07, 2011 02:27 PM #1
Andrea Swiedler
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices New England Properties - New Milford, CT
Realtor, Southern Litchfield County CT

Years ago we had an entire brat terrorist bully style family down the street. Rotten kids, all of them. The oldest would do horrible things to us, and when confronted his parents would say he never did anything wrong and they would sue us.

When he was throwing rocks at our house and calling the very pregnant neighbor horrible things and throwing rocks at HER, I got the little brat by the hair and told him something along those lines as you told your hubby to relay to him.... :D

When his parents showed up of course I resorted to the same behavior they had previously displayed. The other neighbor backed me up... we were golden. He never came back...

Good luck with that. Those type of kids end up in jail.... just not soon enough.

Jan 07, 2011 02:33 PM #2
Brian Rugg
Rugg Realty LLC Sun City Texas 512-966-3200 - Georgetown, TX
Sun City TX Real Estate - Georgetown, TX Real Est


Where do I start???

First, I thought only my wife and I had these arguments discussions.

Secondly, your hubby isn't the man for the job.  You need a professional hit man. Take this kid out  and make an example of him so his friends get the message.

Third, get a larger caliber gun of you own and shoot back. Dirty Harry made a career of his gun being more famous than he was. You could be "Dirty Sheila" with a 44 magnum and walk proud.

Good luck.

Jan 07, 2011 02:45 PM #3
Robin Dampier REALTOR®
Coldwell Banker King - Hendersonville, NC
Hendersonville & Western NC Real Estate Source

Wow, if you could capture the little devil on your trusty digital camera in the acts of "terrorizing" you have proof.  A picture truly is worth a thousand words.

Sue of Robin and Sue

Jan 07, 2011 02:53 PM #4
Hella Mitschke Rothwell
(831) 626-4000 - Honolulu, HI
Hawaii & California Real Estate Broker

Hi Sheila: I know this should be funny but it's not. Only an actual complaint to the authorities can make the parents take this seriously.

Jan 07, 2011 02:56 PM #5
Ted Tyrrell
RE/MAXCamosun (Chatterton) - Victoria, BC
Selling Homes in Beautiful Victoria

Sheila, I agree with Hella. Using a BB gun or pellet gun in our area is against the law. The authorities should be told.

Jan 07, 2011 03:07 PM #6
Larry Bergstrom
Crescent Realty, Inc. Spanaway, WA. - Spanaway, WA

Sheila, if you pull the trigger, plead insanity!

Jan 07, 2011 03:24 PM #7
Pam Dent
Gayle Harvey Real Estate, Inc. - Charlottesville, VA
REALTOR® - Charlottesville Virginia Homes / Horse

Sheila - It sounds like your neighborhood has its own Dennis the Menace, and you may be cast in the role of Mr. Wison.

Jan 08, 2011 01:38 AM #8
Steve Loynd
Alpine Lakes Real Estate Inc., - Lincoln, NH
800-926-5653, White Mountains NH

We shot at a lot of thinks with our BB guns when I was about 10...but never near people -or- peoples windows this appears to be a case of no respect at all. I would cal his mother , Dad's don't do anything (I'm a Dad I know).

Jan 08, 2011 06:11 AM #9
Erby Crofutt
B4 U Close Home Inspections&Radon Testing ( - Lexington, KY
The Central Kentucky Home Inspector, Lexington KY

You write about such a serious topic with such hilarity that I have trouble taking it serously, though I know it is. 

Video speaks more than pictures.  Keep your camera handy.

Jan 08, 2011 06:33 AM #10
Sheila Newton Team Anderson & Greenville SC
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - C. Dan Joyner - Anderson, SC
Selling the Upstate since 1989

Hi Jason...sounds like you have a real "pistol" for a nephew!

Hi's good to hear that you and the neighbor were in solidarity...problem solved!

Hey Brian...HaHaHa!!! I love your sage advise! It's also good to know that some readers got the humor in the article!

Hi Sue...yeah, the picture would be trick, but he doesn't readily avail himself to being photographed!

Hello Hella...yeah, the kid is a menace, but the parents responded when we complained. We'll see what happens. There are a lot more serious concerns around here than a kid with a BB gun...that's why my husband took it lightly, worries.

Hi Ted...unlike where you live, BB guns and pellet guns are the norm for kids where we live. Many boys grow up with them. This kid was using his gun irresponsibly and was punished. The article attempts to capture the funny side of this whole thing, but for someone with a different background, I can see where it would seem much more serious than it is.

Hey Larry...already on the agenda! And people will believe it too! HaHa!

Hi does sound that way, doesn't it? Well, there are worse things, I suppose!  : )

Hey Steve...believe it or not, when my husband stopped by, he got results (he had a sherrif's deputy meet him there, and he and the kid and the kid's mom and dad had a heart-to-heart!)

Hey Erby...please, go with the hilarity -- that's what I was shooting for!!! Most folks took it more serious than I did! HaHa!

Jan 08, 2011 01:06 PM #11
Kaera Mims
Liz Moore & Associates - Fort Monroe, VA
Associate Broker, e-PRO, REALTOR; Hampton, Newport News, York Co.

Please don't take personal offense that your post made me laugh hysterically. So far we are good with the neighborhood kids, but here is hoping I never am in your shoes :-)! 

Jan 08, 2011 05:18 PM #12
Sheila Newton Team Anderson & Greenville SC
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - C. Dan Joyner - Anderson, SC
Selling the Upstate since 1989

Hi Kaera...on the contrary! I am delighted that my post made you laugh hysterically! HaHa!  : )

Jan 09, 2011 02:46 PM #13
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