I have been a smoker for my entire adult life, spanning more than 25 years now. I have smoked upwards to 1 1/2 packs of cigarettes a day for at least the last 20 years. That is a serious lot of smoking and no small amount of money wasted over the years. At $65 a carton, smoking a carton a week I spent about $260/month on something that was killing me, affecting those around me and generally making my life a living hell.
I have repeatedly tried to quit smoking by making New Year's Resolutions, promises to my self and others that I would finally quit and offering myself treats for every hour, day, month, etc., that passed without a cigarrette. All to no avail. And then....
I got the Swine Flu!! I have been deathly ill for the last 2 weeks with the Swine Flu. If you have never had the Swine Flu, I pray you never get it. You will wish for death before it's all said and done, I swear. Even now, 10 days later, I can only say that I feel about 75% whole and every breath I take feels like I am breathing through sand.
A few strange things have happened along the course of this illness. The first is that I have lost all semblance of an appetite and most food turns me off. In particular and most disturbing is the fact that coffee, heretofore my lifeblood, now tastes to me like cat urine smells, if you can possibly imagine that. I MISS MY COFFEE!! I truly enjoyed my coffee and often had "coffee dates" in the mornings with friends and clients prior to coming into my office. And of course, with coffee there must be cigarettes. Now, though, just the thought of entering a Starbucks literally turns my stomach. I hope this particular aversion passes and coffee will once again be tolerable, but we are talking about smoking, or rather, not smoking.
I came to the relaization last week as I was lying in my bed wishing for death that I had not had a cigarette for more than 3 days and that I just did not even feel the urge to smoke. There was no conscience decision on my part to not smoke, it just kind of happened!! I did not give it any further thought until my husband mentioned it just last night and I realized that I have now been "smoke free" for 2 weeks!! I have no urge to smoke, I don't miss any part of smoking. I am so HAPPY that I got the Swine Flu only because I think maybe I have FINALLY kicked this killer habit.
I'm keeping this information close for now. I don't want to tell my sweet 5 year old grandaughter who has said to me many,many times in the past, "please don't smoke my Nana, it's gonna dead you" that I finally may have kicked the habit. I will just let her figure it out as we spend time together over the next few weekends.
What I find truly stunning though is that I have experienced absolutely NO WITHDRAWL SYMPTOMS. I don't crave a smoke, I don't feel antsy, I just don't even think about it at all.
I hope this aversion to smoke sticks around. It's the best thing that ever happened to me as a result of getting a killer flu!! It has been said that those things that don't kill us make us stronger. I stand here today stronger from having gotten the flu and will be making the best of it as time goes on.