Book Review: Beyond Reason
Beyond Reason, Using Emotions as you Negotiate, by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro is an important book for every Realtor® to have in their library, or at least, on their Kindle. In an earlier post I wrote about types and styles of negotiating in How Do You Negotiate? This book hopes to decipher what is going on with the human element, or emotions, something that can change several times in any transaction.
You can’t ignore the emotional aspect of a negotiation. Emotions affect our bodies, or thinking, and our behavior. Getting emotional usually means that one is displaying their feelings in an unusual or excessive manner. This is not to say it is wrong to do so, but when party to a negotiation does so, the principal objective of the discussion is in danger of being lost. The single most effective way to interact with someone acting emotionally, is to confront the concern, not the emotion.
In order to do so, the wise negotiator will study and learn to recognize the five core concerns which stimulate many emotions. The core concerns are:
1. Appreciation
2. Affiliation
3. Autonomy
4. Status
5. Role
In assessing our own behaviour and that of others during a negotiation process we should be careful to address the core concerns in a manner that is fair, honest, and consistent. By this, the authors mean that dealings should be consistent with local customs and community expectations; they should be honest, i.e., not deceptive; and that they are appropriate according to the norms of others in the same situation.
Appreciation is met when the actions, thoughts and feelings of each party are recognized as having merit. Affiliation is attained when all parties are acknowledged as colleagues working toward a similar goal. Autonomy allows that each party in the negotiation is respected as having the freedom and ability to make decisions. Status is the recognition they all parties deserve to be in the discussion. Roles played by each person hold importance and should be seen as fulfilling.
It should also be remembered that emotions can be both positive as well as negative. Considering that in setting the stage for a negotiation is as important as knowing how to divert and convert negative emotions.
Beyond Reason addresses each of the core concerns with examples and discussion and is a book well worth a read, and even a re-read. Negative emotions can throw a transaction completely off track and the capable negotiator will be able to correct the tragectory by taking the initiative to recognize the core concerns and resolving issues there, rather than by responding emotionally himself.
My copy, like almost all of the books I review is available for free. If you'd like it, just send me an email and one day soon it will arrive at your door in the US mail.(Book sent to Leslie)
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