On the Topic of Death and Dying
March 26, 2011
Not a cheery topic, I know... but I have read several posts over the last few days and months about AR members who are going through a personal loss. I am sure this is not a topic that people want to read, after all, we are conditioned to have a positive attitude and not think negative thoughts. But this is life and some of you are suffering; therefore, I want you to know that others care about you.
With the focus on income, setting goals, retirement plans, life achievements, we all fail to come to the realization that anyone who lives, has to die. It may be as a direct result of an accident, disease, sickness, self-inflicted, or no reason at all. The sad truth is anyone that lives, regardless of time here on earth has to die. Nobody lives forever in the human flesh form as we know it. What happens after death is your own personal belief or a topic you don't want to discuss... I understand and I respect that.
Having experienced my husband's dying and watching him come back to me three times before his final passing, I can tell you, I was the one who was more afraid and fearful, than he was. In those first few moments that he came back to me there was a distinct difference on the look on his face, the sound and tone of his voice and the few words he described after his near death experience. I could tell, he was in a different place and he had no fear, just peace, a peace I could not understand. It wasn't until the third time that the doctor pulled me aside and told me, "Listen, you have to let him go; he can't die in peace because you're not ready to let him go." I was told I had to go in there and tell him it was okay to die - that was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Few people choose to die, but many know when it's time to let go. As we proceed through life, we all have personal experiences and accounts on death. Many cannot talk about it; many don't want to talk about it - it's okay.
Death is a devastating experience, especially when it happens to your loved one. Whether it's a spouse, mother, father, child, friend, acquaintance, or a stranger, it's a painful transition that often is very hard on people. That means you're only human and each human being has to process death by themselves. Others may console them, but it's up to the individual how they decide whether to accept, let go immediately, hang on to the memory, become angry, go into denial, etc. This is part of the grieving process and no one can go through it except you. If you are a personal believer in faith, having faith can and will get you through it. If you are not a believer, you will still manage to get through it. Every person has a right to be respected, regardless of their personal believes.
Life without the person you loved or cared about will be different. Although it will be tense at first with difficulty and a painful transition, it is also the beginning of a new life, new opportunities, and you will develop new insights about the way you choose to go on and the decisions you make. Let no one force you to make any decisions you're not ready to make. With time, you will figure it out, it just takes time.
I do urge you to not neglect yourself or others within your circle of family and friends. Pulling the covers over your head and not wanting to deal with it, only makes the process take longer than necessary. If you need help, it's okay to seek it, especially during the first few months. Often times, the best help comes from people outside of your comfort zone, people you do not know previously; but if you are in the hands of a professional or someone you didn't know before, you might be surprised how much easier it is to talk and express yourself just because they are prepared to listen.
I hope this information has been helpful to you, especially if you are grieving. My prayers go out to all of you who are suffering because of loss. Although loss is necessary because the cycle of life is true, it is still painful and you have a right to come to grips with your own pain and sorrow. Some ways to help you cope with your suffering may include taking a long walk - try not to drive, do some gardening - pulling weeds is a great therapy, writing down your feelings - you may not want to share this with others; listen to music, paint, or find a hobby that you can get lost in - it will help you to express yourself. In conclusion, I wish you the best; others do too and I'm wishing you good fortune for the productive years ahead. Be strong; others need you too.
These are not your traditional flowers, but they come to you with love from my garden. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not your traditional girl.
Peace & Understanding,
All photos and written content were produced by Patricia Feager. Copyright 2011 - All Rights Reserved. This content may not be reproduced or reprinted, except for Active Rain Re-blogging, without express written permission of Patricia Feager, REALTOR®, Keller Williams Realty, Flower Mound, TX.