Hear That? It's Feedback Talking!

Hear That? It's Feedback Talking

We receive all kinds of feedback every day. There's the large commission check that makes you feel on top of the world. There's the honking horn that tells you the traffic light turned green while your mind was wandering somewhere else. There's the silence from a valued friend or business partner where there used to be lively conversation. And there's the ghastly screeching noise when the speaker with the microphone gets too close to the amplifier. 

These are all useful – well, maybe not the screeching sound system. Feedback is a natural result of action. Once youbegin to take action, you immediately start getting feedback about whether you’re doing the right thing. If youlisten to the feedback you get, and recognize what it's telling you, you will find a treasure trove of informationthat can help you improve any and every area of your life.

There are four varieties of feedback, and you can use them all to your advantage:

1. Solicited
2. Unsolicited
3. Negative
4. Positive

Solicited feedback is what you ask for. It's everything from the evaluation form you fill out for a speaker after a presentation, to a simple "What do you think of this idea?" You ask for feedback because you want to know if people are hearing/seeing/understanding what you intend to say and do. But asking for feedback is only the first step; you have to be willing to respond to feedback…and not to shoot the messenger if you hear something you don't like. 

Unsolicited feedback comes at you all the time, often unspoken. It tells you how you can improve when an outcome is not what you wanted or hoped for. Think about the messages you receive about income, relationships, health, grades, etc. – it's all feedback.

Positive feedback is the kind we prefer, of course. Happy results, money, praise, a raise, a promotion, satisfied customers, awards, happiness, inner peace, intimacy, and pleasure – they make us feel good. Positive feedback tells us that we are on course, that we are doing the right things. 

Negative feedback is the kind we'd rather not have. Lack of results, little or no money, criticism, poor evaluations, being passed over for a raise or promotion, complaints, unhappiness, inner conflict, loneliness, pain – they make us feel unhappy with ourselves and our lives.

But is there useful data in negative feedback? Of course. In fact, negative feedback can be as useful as positive feedback, because it helps us pinpoint what's going wrong. It tells us that we are off course, or headed in the wrong direction, doing the wrong thing. That is very valuable information.

In fact, it is so valuable that one of the most useful projects you can  undertake is to change how you feel about negative feedback. Can you give yourself these messages about negative feedback?

• "The world is telling me where and how I can improve what I am doing."
• "Here is a place I can get better."
• "Here is where I can correct my behavior to get even closer to what I say I want – more money, more sales, a promotion, a better relationship, better grades, or more success on the athletic field."

To reach your goals more quickly you need to welcome, receive, and embrace all the feedback that comes your way. As Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson Co authors of The One Minute Manager say, "Feedback is the breakfast of champions"

How do you get feedback? Ask powerful questions.

Most people do not give feedback voluntarily. They may be  uncomfortable or don’t want to hurt your feelings. So you are going to need to ask for honest feedback and make it safe for the person to give it to you.

To help you move ahead in your life, one powerful question you can ask your family or friends is: 

“How do you see me limiting myself?" 

You might think the answers will be hard to hear, yet they are so valuable that most people are grateful for what people are telling them. Armed with new feedback, you can then create a plan of action for replacing your limiting behaviors with more effective and productive behaviors.

Here's a question to request feedback on a relationship or service: 

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the quality of our relationship (service/product) during the last week (2 weeks/month/quarter/etc)?"

And a variation of that question can get you feedback on the short term: 

"On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate the meeting we just had, me as a agent, coach, parent, this class, this meal, my cooking, my golfing, our sex life, this deal, this workshop etc.?"

If the answer is not a 10, then ask: 

"What would make it a 10?" This is where the truly valuable information comes from, so listen carefully!

The important thing to remember here is that you cannot improve your life, your relationships, your game, or your performance without feedback. There is nothing to be afraid of, and once you know what needs work you can do something about it.

Sure, you can choose to not ask for feedback. But what might you miss? How will you ever know if there is something you are doing – or not doing – that is making the difference between where you are and  having the life you love?

Is all feedback accurate?

Of course not. You have to use your brain and consider the source. But you can and should look for patterns in the feedback you get.  

If one person says you are a horse, they are crazy. If three people say you are a horse, there is a conspiracy, yet if ten people tell you you’re a horse, it is time to buy a saddle.

The truth is that if several people are telling you the same thing, there is probably some truth to it. It is at least worth your considering if they might be right, no matter how much you don't like the message. You may think you get to be right, but the question you have to ask yourself is: 

 • “Would I rather be happy or right?” 
• "Would I rather be right or successful?"

One thing I've found is that getting and discussing feedback in a supportive environment can help you sort out the truth and get moving in the right direction. Whether you form a group of friends or work in a structured group like The Real Estate Game, get some support at this important stage of dealing with feedback. 

Turn feedback to your advantage

So what do you do with the feedback? Ask yourself: 

• What feedback have I been getting from people or results that you need to pay more attention to? 
• Are there any patterns that stand out? 

Make a list of the things you want to change, and next to each item write an action step you can take to get back on course. This can be more difficult than it sounds, and it's one area where a coach can help you think through the possibilities.

Now you can start mining the gold in your feedback, and turning it into great results for your life and your business.

About Coach Patti Kouri:
Coach Patti the owner of Accelerated Performance Coaching Inc., and The Real Estate Game®, strives to maintain an atmosphere of community, connection, and harmony by becoming your resource base to enhance and enrich your personal and business life. Coach Patti was voted one of the ‘Top 50 Most Influential Women In Real Estate Leadership in 2008’ by the 2008 edition of the Swanepoel Trends Report. www.CoachPatti.com  www.TheRealEstateGame.com