Taking The Sting Out Of Heated Arguments

Excellent advice I will have to try to remember this whenever this happens to me. Thanks for sharing.

Essential advice...we need that "detached vision", always, when dealing with another person...and you're right: biz or personal.   

Gary,

If you can keep your head about you in the mists of contentious intercourse,

if you can avoid extraneous adjectives and their meaningless siblings expletives,

if you can stick to known facts not those you make up contemporaneously,

if you can address the tempestuous provocateur not their demonic deponent minions,

you can tolerate the sting better than most!

You take the sting out by winning. A voluminous vocabulary makes a great balm.

The greatest astringent you can have tho is a universally sceptic audience, as apposed to the common selectively sceptic.

He who controls the forum prevails, at least provisionally.

If you enter the hive you'll get stung!

Bill

Gary - I have a hard time with this (I've been told I should have been a lawyer) so I'm glad I stopped by your post. I try (and I said try) to put myself in the other person's shoes and see their point of view. I've realized one thing - once the words are out there you can't take them back. Rule of thumb: Restraint of tongue and pen!

Gary..So very true.  Many people are just lashing out at whatever they feel they can improve there well being.

Gary

Short and right to the point.

Good luck and success.

Lou Ludwig

Gary this is so true. It is much easier to lash out at the person fussing at you.

Very wise, don't take on someone's anger.

Gary- The sentence, "We can't win an argument in negotiations," is very powerful.  I often think folks take far too adversarial a stance in negotiations, when cooperation would get both parties so much more.

I'm always surprised at anger in negotiations. I'm working with a real a** right now and have no idea why.

I'm improving at this by trying to understand where the anger is coming from and the other person. When I understand the person it usually diffuses them when I can explain I'm not the source of their anger or fustrations.

Funny, I just had this happen to me with a customer.  I quickly realized his rant, even though directed at me, was really meant for his wife's benefit so my intuition told me to just listen and let him get it off his chest.  Once it was over, he seeemd to feel better and we went on with business as usual.  Although I was listening with one ear, I admit, I went on a mini-vacation in my mind to somewhere with beautiful views and sparking water. LOL

Hi Gary,  Dealing with angry people is an art and you're absolutely right about first avoiding the sting and not getting drawn in.  In spite of what angry people think, anger usually doesn't resolve anything anyway!

Gary,

Very wise and should be an essential in one's armamentarium of negotiations... g