In my last blog, I gave you a little bit of background about myself and prepared you for the following information. As a mom who has been through exactly what you are going through, I can only hope that you can take a step back and read the following with a clear mind. Making the decision to enter into the courtroom is a huge one, making the decision to step back and not begin the fight to begin with shows just how strong you are. I am basing the following on the fact that you have been married or with a significant other and shared your children and through a course of events, you are no longer with that person. With this being said, most of the following can pertain to you, no matter what your situation is.
The main purpose of this article is to talk you out of filing for custody, why you ask? I am sure that there are many reasons causing you to feel like the courtroom is your only option, anger, resentment, revenge, and the obvious, it’s better for your child to be with you, right? Wrong! Unless there is an abusive situation, it is always best for the child when you get along and have a healthy communication path. Ok, so without more talk, here are your reasons:
· How much money does it cost to go to court? At least 7,000 dollars, this is just for the beginning. There is absolutely no way around it, attorneys are expensive. If you think you can get around the financial burden by going pro se, your wrong, with the running to the courthouse, gas, filing paperwork costs money, proper guidance costs money…it all costs money, you will not get out of it for less than 7 grand. Make a list of all you could do for and with your child with that money and ask the other parent to do the same. If this isn’t enough to cause you to take a step back, read on.
· You have spent the past several years working with your spouse to raise your child, you both helped with bathing, feeding, care, and decision making. Whether this was directly by working hands-on with your child, or indirectly by providing the financial source for this, you worked together. Your child thrives on this, even if you don’t. Take a step back and look at your life that you had, it may not be the same for you anymore, but it is best for your child if it stays as close to the same as possible. They deserve their mother and father even if you are not together. Splitting time down the middle may not be the best option depending on your child’s age, but weekend visitation is just not enough time with the parent.
· Speaking of weekend visitation, this may cause more options than not. I am speaking from experience here! You end up with one parent with all of the responsibilities of homework, early bedtimes, and school transportation. The other parent gets all the fun and adventure of full weekends with the child; this creates the “Disney parent” syndrome and not only causes resentment and anger but instability for the child.
· Last but not least, all this fighting will cause you to look back years from now and see the wasted time you spent fighting for time with your child. It takes months, years to complete a custody battle and each and every day is stressful on you while you are putting the paperwork together, fighting with the other parent, talking to lawyers, and preparing evidence. I promise you, entering into this battle is something you will regret years down the road.
I am going to stop now, I have hundreds of reasons why you should not enter into this fight, and I will continue to touch on them in the blogs to come, I will also give you some amazing solutions and ways to get through this while still maintaining a great relationship with your ex and your child!
David Snell
704-545-0098
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