What The Home Inspector Writes Can Be Significant

While sitting in front of a house I am scheduled to inspect, a junky pick up truck comes down the road.  He slows to look at me and reads the sign on the side of my SUV, pulls around the corner, gets something out of the back and carries it behind the house I am to inspect.  I pay no attention and don't see him again.  As usual, I am a half hour early to the inspection.

My client calls to say he's going to be an hour late.  I am asked to begin as it's late in the day, that the Realtor will arrive soon to let me in.  So I start on the outside.

Coming out of the rear shed (with hokey wiring, Christmas tree lights stapled to the ceiling, and something almost recognizable as a hot tub) I am confronted by the pick up driver.  I don't think he's the seller because I was told the seller had already moved to another state.  He demands to know who I am.

I smile and say that I am scheduled to do an inspection on this house.  Also, that he read the sign on my truck and is looking at the logo on my shirt as we speak.  Maybe he can't read?

He is unusually angry.  Too much so.  He is strutting around.  It's odd!

So I add, "Who are you?  Are you here because you know a home inspection is scheduled?  Are you here to unlock the door?"

"I'M THE OWNER OF THIS HOUSE!  AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE HERE WITHOUT A REALTOR!"

"Well, I like to arrive early and do the outside before the buyer arrives.  In this case he will be a little late."

"THAT'S IT!!  GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY!"  He is just looking for any excuse to keep me away.  His peacock attitude is a bit much.

So I respectfully returned to my car, listened to a message from the buyer's Realtor saying she will be very late, and called the listing agent.  Explaining the situation she says she will be right over, but it will be 30 minutes or so.  She apologizes sincerely.  I think she knows this guy!

Not only is the inspection late, but that will put me into the worst traffic and I have a lot to do that night.  He has cost me big.  A few hours big.  I am now in a very, very bad mood.  Let's just say that I can hardly wait for the inspection to begin...

When the Realtor arrives she comes to me first to apologize and asks to introduce me to the seller.  Standing between him and myself, and facing him, she is explaining, probably mostly with her eyes, how important I am to the sales process and how he should be nice to me.  She says that I can make a "significant difference."

Translation:  this guy can make things really difficult for you.  You shouldn't be here.  You don't want to tick him off.  I can't see her face, but I know that is communicated non-verbally.  He nods his head like a little boy.

I am only smiling sweetly.  Instead I could:

Bat my eyes rapidly like Scarlet O'Hara
Make a silly face
Bob my head like a Joe Pesci wise guy
Look at him while rolling my eyes
Or anything else to rile him.  But I don't...

AND I AM SERIOUSLY TEMPTED!

She lets me in.  The buyer arrives.  The seller goes away at the Realtor's insistence.  The inspection went as I expected.  The house was a mess.

IT WAS GOING TO BE A REALLY, REALLY LONG REPORT.

AND MY CREATIVE WRITING SKILLS ABOUND!

My recommendation:  sellers really shouldn't drive from another state to attend the home inspection.  They shouldn't attend at all!  You might want to communicate that to any seller who thinks it is important to do that!  Because, after all,

WHAT THE HOME INSPECTOR WRITES CAN BE SIGNIFICANT.