The Bite of Reality.

Services for Real Estate Pros with Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina

I haven't dealt with death much recently.  Many of my memories of funerals and hospitals date back to when I hit the age of 16.  That is when my my Grandparents as I knew them no longer existed.  That was tough, seeing my Dad & Mom cry and all.  It brought tears to my eyes, but I would not cry.  Trust me though, it is rather difficult seeing someone you love bare their soul in that form of expression.

And it wasn't until years later when a guy I met at the Federal Grill named Lenny went into the hospital that I cried at a funeral again.  That time, my parents were not there.  I cried all on my own.


Sometimes I think I'm a tough guy, able to handle pretty much any physical, mental, or spirtual hurt ... but I know I'm not.  And I know that because yesterday My Jennifer went in for surgery ... on a tooth.  Pretty simple, I guess.  Yet when I walked in the room after she had that surgery, I saw that little angel not awake and not in control.  She's fine now.  But it brought closer the inevitable time when someone close to me is no longer in control.  It is that moment when I wish they could just flip me off, kick me in the nuts, do anything to remind me ... that they are reminding me that I have the ability to piss them off. 

Jennifer reminded me she is a trooper.  She tried to be tough throughout it all, which I thought kind of cool.   When I took the car and drove the interstate to take us home, that's when I found weakness again.  That cold embodiment of anxiety swished with daydreams, mixed with not having control.  I saw it in her then, felt it in me right there.

Maybe I'm not so tough.

And that's okay.  A tooth ripping into my soul now and again keeps me knowing that it isn't easy potentially losing someone you love.

Comments (17)

Chandler Real Estate Liz Harris, MBA
Liz Harris Realty - Chandler, AZ

There is so much that is out of our control... cherish the ones you love everyday!

Jul 07, 2011 04:46 PM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

True that, Liz. 

Jul 07, 2011 04:51 PM
Larry Bettag
Cherry Creek Mortgage Illinois Residential Mortgage License LMB #0005759 Cherry Creek Mortgage NMLS #: 3001 - Saint Charles, IL
Vice-President of National Production

It is tough to have the ones you love not being the like the ones we knew!  Very tough indeed!  Needless to say, you'll get through it....that's the real measure of toughness, not whether you cry or not!

Jul 07, 2011 04:51 PM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Jason - gosh I do not want to thhink about it. As if it helps, as if it changes it. I am not ready for any of that. Not now, not ever. I do not want to be a tough guy

Jul 07, 2011 04:57 PM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

Bettag - I consider crying kind of tough ... very tough, actually.

Jul 07, 2011 04:58 PM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

Jon - Parts of me feel the same.  I can be ready, but it won't be an easy trail.

Jul 07, 2011 05:01 PM
William J. Archambault, Jr.
The Real Estate Investment Institute - Houston, TX


Those of us that have been following your life for four years know like M & M's there is a softy under that hard shell.

You're lucky, Veitinam killer friends my age. One of my best friends surivied two tours in Nam only to get hone and killed by a drunk driver. Then their was AIDS it took a friend and we learned things we didn't need to know. I'm the oldest of five yet three years ago we lost my brother Jack.

The worst of all was being with friends when they found out they lost their twenty year old son,

All our best to Jennifer! I face the same thing next Thursday.


Jul 07, 2011 06:28 PM
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Jason, as I read your post, I was concerned, I am glad things are OK, relatively speaking. Keep in mind I am an Airborne, Ranger Infantry person, when my mother passed I had to be strong since I was with my father, tears were not allowed so he could have his private pain released without being upstaged by mine. When he passed I broke down.....I consider myself tough...All the best to you and Jennifer enjoy your time with her....

Jul 07, 2011 07:42 PM
Rich Jacobson
Fathom Realty West Sound - Poulsbo, WA
Your Kitsap County WA Real Estate Broker

okay, it's're just a wussie!...

Jul 07, 2011 09:00 PM
Liz and Bill Spear
RE/MAX Alliance 513.520.5305 - Mason, OH
RE/MAX Alliance Cincinnati & Dayton suburbs

Jason, None of us our guaranteed tomorrow, which probably makes it even more inexcusable how we can waste and neglect the opportunities in our lives.

Jul 07, 2011 11:39 PM
Sharon Lee
Sharon Lee's Virtual Assistance - Jonesborough, TN
Retired and loving life

Jason-You aren't a wussie you are a human being just like the rest of us and when you get hurt you bleed. Welcome to the wonderful world of love and the scary thought of losing that special someone someday. If we live long enough we all lose someone we love. NEVER easy but a part of life just as is being born and growing older is. It happens. Cherish EVERY moment with that little trooper of yours. YOU my friend are BLESSED. Give her my best and hope she is on the mend soon.

Jul 08, 2011 01:31 AM
Jennifer Monroe
Savvy + Company Real Estate - Charlotte, NC
Real Estate REALTOR®/Broker in Beautiful Charlotte

Jason, you are the absolute toughest, yet intensely tender man in existence. You've simply been incredible through this little ordeal. I'm convinced I am healing faster and better because of all the love you've administered. I have the cutest nurse ever!

p.s. I LOVE that you cry. 

p.s.s. Damn you Jacobson! It's hurts SO BAD to smile!

Jul 08, 2011 01:51 AM
Gary Woltal
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth

None of us Jason really are all that tough when you get down to our bare bones human existence. We have limits to what we can take as pain and also baring our vulnerabilities to another. It is ok for guys to cry so just let it rip when you have to.

Jul 08, 2011 09:28 AM
Donne Knudsen
Los Angeles & Ventura Counties in CA - Simi Valley, CA
CalState Realty Services

Jason - Deep down, the toughest of souls have their soft spot - you found yours.  What a sweetie she it too!  :) 

Jul 08, 2011 11:16 AM
Jason Sardi
Auto & Home & Life Insurance throughout North Carolina - Charlotte, NC
Your Agent for Life

Yeah Donne, Gary is a gem;)

Woltal - You are probably correct, my man.  In fact, I often let it rip when I cry ... which kills two birds with one stone.

MJ - I hope you are right.  And just to remind thee, I love you beyond words.  So I'm sorry if mine don't always articulate that like they should. 

Sharon - Oh Sharon, I'm a wussie.  Jacobson's just envious that I'm a bit more endowed than the average type of wussie.  He can smell his own;)  Seriously though, I always appreciate and take to heart your wisdom in words.  They are more than just read; they are felt.

Bill - Can't argue with you there.  I'll never argue with you there.

Jacobson - And your Salmon is one grade below Long John Silver's!  There, we're even;)

Endre - Cool little insight into your life, my friend.  I have no doubts of your resolve.  Our best to you as well.  Thank you.

Mr. Archambault - My personal thoughts are with you next Thursday and I feel bad we haven't talked in awhile.  Can we change that?  As far as the experiences you wrote about, heartbreaking to say the least.  From the get go, I figured we'd clash on many things (philosophical, political, and otherwise) but I always also figured I would respect you.  And I do.  I don't consider myself anything other than a friend you've never personally met.  But you would make a good relative as well.  Heck, I take that back.  I consider you family at this point. 

Jul 08, 2011 03:29 PM
Patricia Kennedy
RLAH Real Estate - Washington, DC
Home in the Capital

Jason, yeah.  I've been dealing with the grim reaper grabbing my mom last week.  It was mortality staring me in the face, and helping realize how much I love my sweetie.

Jul 09, 2011 04:35 PM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
A moving experience!

It is exceedingly manly to cause moisture to break through the skin cells of your ocular area, and fall unaided to the ground.  Very tough.

Jul 15, 2011 02:18 AM