Happy Birthday Bob.
We all love you. I wanted to get you a gift... Something really expensive, but had no idea what to get a man that already has everything. Anyway, I did the next best thing, I bought myself something instead. I want you to know, it gave me a great deal of pleasure.
So, here I was, stuck in the delima of what I should do, when, out of nowhere, this cute joke popped up in my mail box.
I thought it was cute, and not really vulgar, I had to change a few words for the sake of posting on AR. If you don't like it, or still think it's inappropiate, feel free to zap it. I won't be insulted. I'll just cry.
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy moly," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my w_ _nie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought
to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $20000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie!, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over....
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a _ _ _ _- _ _ and fell off my perch!'