Bob's Birthday Gift

By
Home Inspector with Comprehensive Building Inspections & Consultants

Happy Birthday Bob.

We all love you. I wanted to get you a gift... Something really expensive, but had no idea what to get a man that already has everything. Anyway, I did the next best thing, I bought myself something instead. I want you to know, it gave me a great deal of pleasure.

So, here I was, stuck in the delima of what I should do, when, out of nowhere, this cute joke popped up in my mail box.

I thought it was cute, and not really vulgar, I had to change a few words for the sake of posting on AR. If you don't like it, or still think it's inappropiate, feel free to zap it. I won't be insulted. I'll just cry.

 

THE PARROT

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy moly," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my w_ _nie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought 
to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $20000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie!, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over....

Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got a _ _ _ _- _ _ and fell off my perch!'

Comments (8)

Bob Elliott
Elliott Home Inspection - Chicago, IL
Chicago Property Inspection

Steve ...I never knew you used to work for the post office till now.

Oct 17, 2007 05:12 PM
Bob Elliott
Elliott Home Inspection - Chicago, IL
Chicago Property Inspection
I think I hear crickets
Oct 18, 2007 07:05 PM
Steven Turetsky
Comprehensive Building Inspections & Consultants - Staten Island, NY
Building Moisture Analyst
They say that's the fist sign of senility. Next you have no problem holding onto the perch.
Oct 18, 2007 08:21 PM
Bob Elliott
Elliott Home Inspection - Chicago, IL
Chicago Property Inspection
Since we are the only two in ghost town ,have you noticed Mike Parks fell off the face of the Earth.
Oct 19, 2007 04:44 AM
Steven Turetsky
Comprehensive Building Inspections & Consultants - Staten Island, NY
Building Moisture Analyst
Yes, It does seem a bit quite these days. But speaking from my own experience. there have been times that I felt caught up in all this on line stuff and I needed to get away for a while.
Oct 19, 2007 10:49 AM
Bob Elliott
Elliott Home Inspection - Chicago, IL
Chicago Property Inspection

Getting ready to start my report but I got a great birthday gift from Home Inspector Pro as my software is on the house.

Best gift in years.Same here as you do need a break once in a while,but we enjoy it.

Oct 19, 2007 01:22 PM
Steven Turetsky
Comprehensive Building Inspections & Consultants - Staten Island, NY
Building Moisture Analyst
How did you get the software as a gift?
Oct 19, 2007 01:29 PM
Bob Elliott
Elliott Home Inspection - Chicago, IL
Chicago Property Inspection

Steve I was like you looking for a Horizon replacement but not able to find anything good enough.

I agreed to test Inspect Master with the agreement I would get a free copy for a review.

It turned out that his software was not even supportive of IE from what I could tell and he stole his boilerplates from Inspectorview acording to the owner Keith Swift.

Ok in comes Dominic looking for people to test and give suggestions on his Home Inspector Pro.

(hey this is all through NACHI )Benifits ,Benifits .Do not beleive all the ASHI talk.

Anyway Dominic wanted to know what he could do to change his program to make it better and when I suggested control on photos and color of page borders,son of a gun if he did not do it.

Anyway he said for helping him I could keep the software.

I think the new version kicks a...s.

He even taught me how to speed up the computer.

Oct 19, 2007 04:07 PM