This Is Why Im A Dog Person...

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with Real Estate Pipeline, Inc.

Time for a little levity...

I have to admit...I do not like cats. Never have...My mom had a cat when I was growing up...Siamese. It hated me. Soulless devil spawn, it was...

I know there are plenty of people out there that love cats. And, that is all well and good. I'm happy for you. I, however, do not share in your enthusiasm. And, here is a brief synopsis as to why...

 

HOW TO GIVE A PILL TO A CAT

Sit on the sofa. Pick up your cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.

With your right hand, position your right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to it's cheeks while holding the pill in your right hand. (Be patient as your cat will give you a little fit about having this done to it.)

As our cat opens it's mouth, pop the pill into it's open mouth. Allow the cat to close it's mouth and swallow.

Let go of your cat, noticing the direction it runs.

Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle the cat in left arm and repeat process.

Chase the cat down and remove it from under the dining room table. Sit on the floor in kitchen, wrap your arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.

Retrieve your cat from bedroom and throw the soggy pill away. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take a new pill from the foil wrap, cradle your cat in left arm holding rear it's paws tightly with left hand. Force the jaws open and push the pill to back of it's mouth with your right forefinger. Hold it's mouth shut for a count of ten.

Pry the cat's claws out of your arm. Wipe the blood away with your other hand. Curse. Go get the cat again. Pick up the half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into the garbage can.

Try again. This time, you need to retrieve the pill from the goldfish bowl and the cat from the top of your closet.

Call your spouse in from the backyard. Kneel on floor with your cat wedged firmly between your knees, hold both the front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by your cat. Get your spouse to hold it's head firmly with one hand while forcing a wooden ruler into it's mouth. Drop pill down the ruler into the open mouth and rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve your cat from the living room curtain rod. Get another pill from the foil wrap. Make a personal note to buy new ruler and repair the shredded curtains. Carefully sweep the shattered Doulton figurines from the hearth and set the pieces to one side for gluing later.

Get your spouse to lay on the cat with it's head just visible from below their armpit. Put the pill in end of drinking straw, force the mouth open with pencil and blow down into the drinking straw.

Check the label of the foil package to make sure the pill you nearly just inhaled is not harmful to humans, then drink a glass of water to take the taste away. Apply some Neosporin and Band-Aids to your spouse's forearm and remove the newly placed blood stains from the carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve your damn cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place the cat in your kitchen cupboard and close door onto it's neck to leave only the head showing. Force the mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick the pill down it's throat a with rubber band.

Curse yet again. Fetch a screwdriver from the garage and put the cabinet door back on it's hinges. Apply a cold compress to your cheek and check your medial records for the date of your last tetanus shot. Throw your t-shirt away and fetch a new one from bedroom.

Call the local fire department to retrieve your cat from the tree across the road. Apologize to your neighbor who crashed into his fence while swerving to avoid your dumb cat.

Take another pill from foil wrap.

Tie your cat's front paws to it's rear paws with garden twine and bind it tightly to the leg of your dining room table. Find some heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force the cat's mouth open with small spanner wrench. Push the pill into it's mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold it's head vertically and pour one cup of water down the open throat to wash the pill down.

Get your spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while the doctor stitches your fingers and forearm and removes the shattered pill remnants from your right eye.

Call the furniture shop on way home to order new table.

Once home, arrange for the SPCA to get your cat and call the local pet shops to see if they have any hamsters.

 

Conversely .......

 

 

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

Take The pill and wrap it up in bacon.

Throw it into the air.

Done.

 

Dogs win every time.

 

Follow me on Twitter. Connect with me on Facebook. Engage with me any time.

 

 

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Rainer
27,627
Sam Giannakakis
Sam Giannakakis, Residential Mortgage Group - Wayzata, MN
Mortgage Officer 612.816.1511

Haha I enjoyed this blog. I am a big dog fan too!

Aug 24, 2011 10:25 AM #1
Rainmaker
189,766
Clint Miller
Real Estate Pipeline, Inc. - Missoula, MT

RMG -- Thanks! :-) Glad you liked it. ;-)

Aug 24, 2011 10:29 AM #2
Rainmaker
592,940
Than Maynard
Coldwell Banker Heart of Oklahoma - Purcell, OK
Broker - Licensed to List & Sell - 405-990-8862

Yep, get a dog, soooo much easier. And they are glad to see you!

Aug 24, 2011 11:12 AM #3
Rainmaker
262,382
Dawn Crawley
Dawn Crawley Realty - Pinehurst, NC
Find Pinehurst Homes

Definitely dogs all the way. Thanks for the laugh!

Aug 24, 2011 11:13 AM #4
Rainmaker
189,766
Clint Miller
Real Estate Pipeline, Inc. - Missoula, MT

Than -- Yup. :-)

Dawn -- My pleasure! Glad you liked the post. ;-)

Aug 24, 2011 11:16 AM #5
Rainer
366,533
John Michailidis
Real Property Management of Sarasota & Manatee - Sarasota, FL
Real Property Management of Sarasota & M

I love both dogs and cats -- they are completely different experiences . . .

Aug 24, 2011 11:17 AM #6
Rainmaker
189,766
Clint Miller
Real Estate Pipeline, Inc. - Missoula, MT

SMP -- Yeah, I would agree with that statement. ;-)

Aug 24, 2011 11:18 AM #7
Rainer
345,899
Jennifer Prestwich
Henderson, Thornton, Broomfield and Westminster - Henderson, CO
Madison & Co Properties

Hey, Clint- Peanut Butter works too!  haha!

Aug 24, 2011 12:22 PM #8
Rainmaker
642,606
Dawn A Fabiszak
Private Label Realty ( Denver metro area, Colorado - Aurora, CO
The Dawn of a New Real Estate Experience!

Clint ~ I will take a dog over a cat any day.  Cats are cute, but I LOVE my dog!

Aug 24, 2011 02:47 PM #9
Rainmaker
544,437
Eric Michael
Remerica Integrity, Realtors®, Northville, MI - Livonia, MI
Metro Detroit Real Estate Professional 734.564.1519

Hey Clint. I'm with you. Dogs are way better than cats. I got tricked into owning a cat by my dad. He got 3 from his vet somehow and he brought 2 of them over to my house while I was at work. My ex gf fell in love with them and I had no choice. But only took one. We broke up, I got stuck with the stupid cat. My kids now love it but it's getting old. What's a guy to do?

Aug 24, 2011 04:33 PM #10
Rainmaker
189,766
Clint Miller
Real Estate Pipeline, Inc. - Missoula, MT

Jennifer -- Yes. Yes it does. ;-)

Dawn -- Amen!

Eric -- We have to make sacrifices for our kids...I understand. Been there... ;-)

Aug 25, 2011 03:04 AM #11
Ambassador
2,804,747
Dick Greenberg
New Paradigm Partners LLC - Fort Collins, CO
Northern Colorado Residential Real Estate

Thanks, Clint - I'm going to annoy the hell out of every cat lover I know with this little gem. It's not true for my cat, though - he thinks he's a dog.

Aug 25, 2011 08:10 AM #12
Rainmaker
648,062
Susan Mangigian
RE/MAX Preferred, West Chester, PA, RS152252A - West Chester, PA
Chester & Delaware County Homes, Delaware and Ches

lol!  Very true!  Although my dog is pretty good at pretending he swallowed and then spitting it when my back is turned too!  

Aug 25, 2011 11:46 AM #13
Anonymous
Roy Jones

My wife has an Lhasa Apso that thinks it is a cat. It his under the bed, sleeps most of the day, fussy eater, hardly ever barks and blind in one eye. This is the only dog that I have ever seen that actually goes and gets a stuffed toy to lay his head on when it is nap time. My wife loves the dog, I would prefer a real dog! Arrh Arrh

Aug 30, 2011 04:40 AM #14
Rainmaker
528,064
Lisa Friedman
Great American Dream Realty - Essex, VT
30 Years of Real Estate Experience!

Clint, this is very funny! I LOVE your profile picture, by the way. Nice to have come across you.

Aug 18, 2014 01:52 AM #15
Rainmaker
1,507,472
Inna Ivchenko
Barcode Properties - Encino, CA
Realtor® • Green • GRI • HAFA • PSC Calabasas CA

I came back to reread Clint blog that is still just wonderful....It is so sad, he is no longer with us. 

He is very missed....

Nov 05, 2015 04:47 PM #16
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Clint Miller

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