STRESS GOT YOU DOWN???...The STRESS FACTOR In Real estate Getting To You Too?

By
Real Estate Agent with Douglas Elliman Real Estate 30HA0800896

STRESS GOT YOU DOWN???...The STRESS FACTOR In Real Estate Getting To You Too?STRESS GOT YOU DOWN?

As real estate professionals, we are up against almost insurmountable challenges everyday. We deal with people where they live! We have a responsibility that not many other professions have to fulfill: The Home is the place where emotional, financial and survival mechanisms are rooted. Not one other thing that an individual owns or manages is anything like the Home. Families laugh there, cry there, play there and raise children there--memories are in the walls and the floors in layers.

These STRESS FACTORS are embedded in our profession and need to  be recognized by each of us in order to become a polished and ethical professional.

I find the stress from real estate is one of the most overwhelming of all the other stresses in my life--most other situations I handle with no effort, it seems. But the stress from real estate is rather subtle in it's impact on my system.

  • My back is a place where stress ends up. I just found a great chiropractor--helped me get rid of a constant pain in my neck and back.
  • Headaches come and go with the amount of stress I am having from my work...never had headaches before real estate!
  • Anger management is necessary in real estate--either learn how to manage it yourself or get help to manage it! I have fortunately found ways to get over my anger very quickly....and move on.
  • I find myself feeling resentful of the way some other agents behave...or the way a seller just talked to me. Resentment does nothing to improve yourSTRESS CAUSES MANY SYMPTONS, INCLUDING DEPRESSION attitude--in fact it can kill you!

I wanted to share with you all the idea that one of the things that we are not trained in, is how to handle the stresses from our work. Our initial training and our Continuing-ed classes never mention the STRESS FACTOR. As a result, we are in a profession that loses so many new agents in the first year of their RE career that it is a common thing to see agents leave their desk and not even say they are leaving!!!

THINGS I DO TO LESSEN THE STRESS FACTOR:

  • Deep breathing after an encounter and before a reaction
  • Relaxation techniques, i.e. meditation, self hypnosis
  • A mantra that is in front of me at my desk or on my refrigerator: "I am a worthy, honest person; I deserve to be treated properly; I am a happy, successful, and thoughtful person"....well, you get the point! Make up your own positive reinforcement.....

Established agents have usually dealt with the stress that is built into our profession but many just push it down, try to ignore it. They may not even realize the deep influence this kind of stress can have on them and they go forward, working with other buyers and sellers without realizing they are bringing that anger, resentment and pain along with them into a new business relationship. Many become ill, never realizing that years of subjecting their minds and bodies to this STRESS FACTOR is taking it's toll.

All professions have their stresses; all business comes with a substantial share of stress--None deal with the kind of stress that comes with a  seller who is about to lose his/her home; no other profession has the multiplicity of emotions and conflicting feelings of a person who is letting go of such a personal possession as their home!

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Re-Blogged 2 times:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Priscilla Hammond 09/03/2011 08:08 AM
  2. Lisa Wetzel 09/03/2011 03:59 PM
Topic:
ActiveRain Community
Location:
New York Suffolk County Southampton
Groups:
Active Rain Newbies
Realtors®
Almost Anything Goes
"Whacked"!!!
Club Chaos
Tags:
stress factors are embedded in real estate
anger and resentment can kill you
we are not trained to handle the stress factor

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Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Ruby: I agree---who knew that the young woman down the hall suddenly just left the office and never came back because she didn't think she could handle the stress of the business--not just the difficulty in getting a deal done??? I happen to know that a young man left the office because someone told him that he could not sue a seller for talking to another agent about what "a pathetic loser" he is at real estate--he is so stupid that he had to hire another agent to get it done"!..this was about a brand new agent who had a deal within the first week of joining our office. He heard from the other agent word for word what the seller said and he just could not handle the idea that this is what he had to look forward to in this business! He is gone and joined a financial firm on Wall Street--his former profession....

Sep 05, 2011 12:53 AM #82
Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Claude: Good for you! I didn't think to mention that here--thank you for bringing up the idea of how WE may be the source of stress for another agent too! OUr words carry a great deal of weight and so we need to be sure we are not reacting to an agent from the stress we just experienced with a buyer or a seller. It would be nice if we all take a deep breath and let go of a bad situation before we try to communicate with another human being. Thanks for bringing that up!

 

Wandana:...and so did about 82 other members here on! Thanks for reading and commenting

 

Sep 05, 2011 12:58 AM #83
Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Marte: What a wonderful comment--full of really good suggestions that DO work! I have used the technique you bring up here in the past and had forgotten about  it until you mention it here. "Releasing" the negative energy that has been trapped in your muscles as you work is the best way to PREVENT stress from building up there!!! Thank you so much for you wonderful and enlightening comment!

Sep 05, 2011 01:21 AM #84
Rainmaker
229,805
Liane Thomas -Top Listing Agent
Professional Realty Services® International - Corona, CA
Bringing you Home!

We all can use this advice. For me, a daily walk lets me leave the stress in the dirt. And a massage every 3 weeks helps, too.

Sep 05, 2011 07:41 AM #85
Rainmaker
271,406
Jim McCormack
Nashville Short Sale Specialist - Jim McCormack - Edge Advantage Realty, LLC - 615-784-EDGE (3343) - Murfreesboro, TN
Nashville Short Sale REALTOR - Stop Foreclosure

Good advice.

Sep 05, 2011 08:05 AM #86
Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Liane: great suggestions..we all need to take a beak from real estate, whether we want to or not!

Jim: Thanks!!!

Sep 05, 2011 09:00 AM #87
Rainer
248,050
Gerard Gilbers
Higher Authority Markeing - Asheboro, NC
Your Marketing Master

Many people do not realize that stress will manifest itself as physical problems like migraines, back pain or several other things if not dealt with. I learned this twenty years ago when I was getting ready to retire from the military and did not have a job or other income lined up. I don't get the number of migraines I did several years ago. Some of my migraines have been caused by the change in the weather!

Sep 05, 2011 10:30 AM #88
Rainer
8,548
Leondra Dimery
Urban Nest Realty - Las Vegas, NV

Paula, thanks for the tips to relieve stress!  There are so many things in our profession that cause us stress.  Many times our loved ones do not understand the depths of our stress.  I believe that one of the biggest sources of stress we deal with comes from working with clients whose personalities drain us.  I am guilty of working with a client who is not an ideal fit because I'm worried about finances.  By the end of the transaction (if we make it there), I am usually so stressed out, I ask myself if it was worth it.  It seems that after every phone call, email, face-to-face meeting to console the client with the same information I called and emailed to her - I put in far more hours than I should have and my hourly wage was somewhere around $3/hr.  I agree with the members on this post who understand how we must value ourselves enough not to do things that bring us harm.

Sep 05, 2011 11:14 AM #89
Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Gerard: You are so right; many agents don't get it....

Leondra: Yes, we need to value ourselves more buthow does one do that when we are pushed down again and again and again??? That's where heavy duty work is required to rid oursleves of the negative thoughts, questioning of ourselves etc...I am in full agreement with all the suggestions that have come through i the comments here.

Sep 05, 2011 11:36 AM #90
Rainmaker
1,431,667
Gene Riemenschneider
Home Point Real Estate - Brentwood, CA
Turning Houses into Homes

I feel the stress.  I am getting better at it, but it is still a problem.  The better I deal with the stress I find the better I do and these leads to - less stress.

Sep 05, 2011 02:12 PM #91
Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Gene: That's great! I hope to be able to get to that point ---soon!

Sep 05, 2011 02:16 PM #92
Rainmaker
212,721
Mary Sheridan
Keller Willliams - 1033 Hamilton Place,Johnson City TN 37604 - Johnson City, TN
Creative Marketing, Buyer Agency 423-943-7655

Someone told me "once upon a time" that "STRESS" is an acronym for Stop Taking Real Estate So Seriously."    What we do is so important that we have to take it seriously, and no one should trust us if we don't.   Nevertheless, there's some truth in the acronym - when we've used all our training and experience and common sense to do the very best we can, that's all we can control.    Truth is, although most of my transactions are happy ones, there are some times when I can't help getting stressed about the burdens some people are carrying.  

 

Sep 05, 2011 02:18 PM #93
Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Mary: That is a perfect acronym! The problem is that it is the stress that we ignore or that we don't recognize that does the damage...my body was so distorted in the way I was "holding" the stress that controlled me that the doctor told me I need to stop sitting while I use the computer---or at least alternate. My back has a spot that I hold the stress and I can feel it at night as I observe how I m lying in bed and I can feel that spot release when I focus on it...Now that is what stress does on the surface--imagine what would happen if I did not recognize it for what it is? Back surgery for a slipped disc? An even deeper problem with the major organs like my kidneys? and on and on....stress is insidious.

Sep 05, 2011 02:30 PM #94
Rainer
117,860
Beverly Femia
BlueCoast Realty Corporation - Hampstead, NC
Broker Realtor Stager - Greater Wilmington, NC Are

Thoughtful and points well made!  As Tony (#79) commented, this issues cuts across all employment and, in fact, other aspects of life.  It isn't just us!  That person in the drive-in window at Chick-fil-a may be just as stressed as I am about matters equally important or not.  Truth is we all make to much of our stress.  And, I say that sitting here tonight covered with hives as I have been for more almost 2 weeks.  My doctor says I'm newly allergic to something and that stress is often the behind the scenes culprit in hves.  So trying not to take myself too seriously isn't working all that well right now but I still thing that's the best course of action for the long term.  After all, everyone has problems.  Earnest Hemingway said that "courage is grace under pressure" and I often remind myself of that when the going gets tough. 

 

Sep 05, 2011 03:21 PM #95
Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Beverly: Some of the techniques here will work for you--at least they do for me__I used to get hives now I get pain! 

Sep 05, 2011 03:28 PM #96
Rainmaker
765,655
Thom Abbott
MyMidtownMojo.com |770.713.1505 | Intown Atlanta GA Condo Living - Atlanta, GA
Midtown Atlanta GA Condos For Sale

Wow. I stress every day, from the moment my feet touch the floor (got a problem with the left one) and both knees are starting to speak to me from sitting at a computer all the time....

Stress to make that next closing happen because the last one was 2 months ago...and the credit card may be cut off.

Stress to post the right blog that will bring a Buyer (and I guess I'm not posting the right blogs...LOL)

Stress of dealing in a rental market where it's not uncommon to have a co-op fee of $200 to show a rental. Yes, you heard me. $200 co-op fee for driving someone around to find a rental.

Stress of trying to figure out in this economy where I can find a job.

Because this stress might just kill me!  Whew...I feel better just saying that!

 

Sep 06, 2011 05:09 AM #97
Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Thom: Thank you for sharing your stress story with us! I can relate to all of it....

Sep 12, 2011 12:41 AM #98
Anonymous
Peter Michelbach

Paula -- sorry for being a stickler...just curious to see how others are structuring their stress-levels, implementing mechanisms for coping and finding balance on life's journey...Thank you. Peter

Sep 15, 2011 01:15 AM #99
Anonymous
Matt Motchkavitz, Ph.D.

I am Denver broker with 27 years of residential experience. Am just releasing a specific one day training program entitled "Stress Management for Real Estate Professionals". Available nationally for real estate companies and boards, mortgage and title companies. www.eiseminars.com 720-2297484 Thanks for this article.

Nov 06, 2019 11:13 AM #100
Rainmaker
500,819
Paula Hathaway, REALTOR, LBA
Douglas Elliman Real Estate - Southampton, NY
...A Local Expert in all The Hamptons

Hi Matt: I just did a re-write of this post to bring it up to date; take a look

Nov 06, 2019 01:13 PM #101
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